We are going to Caleb's wedding. I thought you would like to know. Miss you always...

He earned his wings to fly.........FLY far away. Off to a place where he found peace, love and happiness everyday. He left us with memories of his love, hope and trust. To this day we still miss him, while from heaven he watches us. It did not take him very long to earn his wings and carry on, but he continues to be missed while he's gone. Although it's very hard, we can be encouraged to know that all the pain and suffering is gone. With strength from above, we will be strong and carry on. Though we still may cry, we are comforted by the thought that Chris has earned his wings.

This is another entry from the current Compassionate Friends news letter. It is titled,.......Don't Think of Him As Gone Away and was written by Ellen Brennaman, TCF Atlanta.................Don't think of him as gone away, his journey's just begun; life holds so many facets...this earth is only one. Just think of him as resting from the sorrows and tears, in a place of warmth and comfort where there are no days or years. Think how he must be wishing that we could know today, how nothing but our sadness can really pass away. And think of him living in the hearts of those he touched.........for nothing loved is ever lost...........and he was loved SO MUCH!!

I was HORRIFIED today when I went to the cemetary to water Chris' plant......One of the two main reasons why we had chosen that plot was gone! The beautiful, majestic willow tree under which Chris' grave lies was toppled....on the ground..gone! We chose that plot for the pond ...and the willow. I was thankful the tree fell to the right of Chris' grave...it was not disturbed. Sadly three, possibly four graves lay under the rubble. I talked to one of the cemetary grounds keepers.....told him, "My son's grave will never be the same, the willow was one of two major reasons why we chose that plot....did it fall down or did you guys cut it down??" He told me it "fell over" late Monday afternoon. He said the lawn cutters were there .....there was no wind, no storm, no nothing. They heard a LOUD crack, looked over and the tree was gone. As this man pointed out, LUCKILY no one was present watering the other graves....."there is more than enough tree here to have killed someone.".....That is VERY true. The trunk circumfrance on this 80-100 year old tree was unbelieveable....... It not only uprooted itself but took a LARGE portion of the earth around it....I had never seen anything like it in my life. This poor man stood before me answerining my questions with this WHIMPY chain saw in his hand.....I know nothing about chain saws but it was clear to me that saw would be smoking with in the first five minutes of cutting....I said, "Looks like you have a BIG job ahead of you." The last thing I asked him was whether or not the tree would be replaced and he assured me they will definatly plant new trees there.....most likely not willows. I never in my wildest dreams anticipated such a thing happening......after you're laid to rest you assume all of the crap life has to offer will be finished.....not necessarilly so!

I washed my hair today.........as I was combing it out I had snarles...some people call them tangles but my mother always called them snarles and as a result, so do I.........Anyway, they hurt and were painful. I whined like a little girl, and I had used conditioner, but it didn't work........Then I remembered, last year at this time I was virtually bald, and in that moment, I thanked God and Chris for my snarles.....It's still evolving, but I now have hair...as challenged as it is...no more scarfs or wigs!!...Just a really weird evolving hairdo!!

We spent a very QUIET Fourth. Ended up going to the movies....I wanted to see Sex And The City but when we finally got around to checking the times we found that the next showing of that movie was at 9:40....Indiana Jones started at 7:25....I opted for Indiana because of the earlier time.... Adam was THRILLED!...more proof, I'm getting OLD!! As far as the movie went in my opinion, don't waste your money....WAY too far fetched for me.....If in reality, four people can survive going over three different LARGE water falls then my baby should have survived being struck by a Ford Ranger....I HATE movies like that...to me , they are insulting. The only thing I carried away from it was one line...and I don't remember the exact quote but it went something like, "We have reached the stage in life where it gives us things....but then it starts taking them away." I could SO relate to that sentence...story of my life for almost 8 years now! After the movie Speck and I enjoyed a small glimmer of the fire work displays of the past....not as lavish, but still pretty. Today we are going to a 4 th party and I know it will be FUN!!..........This is the next entry from this month's Compassionate Friends News Letter that REALLY hit home.....I swear, I could NOT have gotten through all of this without my friends...they keep me going.........It is titled, The Gift of Someone Who Listens and was written by Nancy Myerholts, TCF Waterville, Toledo, Ohio.............Those of us who have traveled a while.....along this path called grief...Need to stop and remember that mile,....that first mile of no relief....It wasn't the person with answers...who told us of ways to deal...it wasn't the one who talked and talked...that helped us start to heal....Think of the friends who quietly sat...and held our hands in theirs...the ones who let US talk and talk....and hugged away our tears...We need to always remember....that more than the words we speak...It's the gift of someone who listens...that most of us desperately seek.

Adam and Chris both LOVED the 4th of July!! And in 1991, after we bought the house with the pool, we were responsible for the 4th of July parties..........and we had them and they were fun!!.....MANY fireworks!! But I will NEVER forget that last 4th of July, 2000. Chris was acting SO weird....his friends were over, some of ours, and if memory serves me correctly, so were some of Adam W.'s. Adam Sr. was just about to start the firework show and Chris was being elusive...MIA. When I finally found and cornered him, he was VERY evasive...."Leave me alone Mom...none of your business..." At the time I was all caught up in the fireworks, but looking back on the evening I now believe at some point prior to the show he had had some communication with a girl....most likly Cori...Internet or phone...who knows, and he did not receive the response he wanted......and he was feeling sorry for himself......I believe the fireworks went off with out him....Who knew it would be his LAST 4TH!!.............This year we're celebrating the 4TH on the 5TH...and there will be fireworks!!.............MANY entries in the July Compassionate Friends News Letter that REALLY hit home as they do every month. I will post one a day until I run out of the ones I can relate to the most..........Unfortunatly, I can relate to them all, but some more than others.......................The first is titled, No Vacation and was written by Kathy Boyette, TCF, Gulf Coast, Ms.................There is no vacation from your absence. Every morning I wake, I am a bereaved parent. Every noon I feel the hole in my heart. Every evening my arms are empty.........My life is busy now, but not quite full. My heart is mended but not quite healed. For the rest of my life, every moment will be lived without you...........There is no vacation from your absence!.......Today we went to the cemetary and the memorial and placed small flags in the plants as a symbol of rememberance of happier days......We ALL still MISS you Chris, on some days more than others, but EVERY day no doubt.

Happy 24th Birthday Chris.....where every you are ! Miss you always...

Happy 24th Birthday Chris. As we think of you each day and miss your presence in our lives, we know you are with us in spirit. Keep a careful watch on your Mom.............................Love, Aunt Kathy

Chris should be 24 today. I miss all that he should have been and all that he should have done. I miss how he should look and be like today. It just boggles my mind it's been almost EIGHT years since he was killed.....That moment in time is still frozen for me....Chris is still 16. We received a very heart felt thank you note the other day from Zachary Wojnar the recipient of the 2008 Chris Kempa Mmorial Scholarship....I like to think of it as a sign. I begins,........ Dear Mr. and Mrs. Kempa,.........Thank you ever so much for the honor of being chosen to receive this scholarship in remembrance of your son. I assure you that it will be put to good use in furthering my education after High School......It's a great thing you are doing, awarding a student this scholarship yearly. The money goes far in reducing th burden of college, an institution ever increasing in importance and cost. Evey year tuition is hiked up farther and farther, multiplying the difficulty for a great many of students to attend college. However, without a degree of some form, becoming successful in life is almost an impossibility. In addition, the ability that a family has to save up extra money for their child's graduation becomes harder and harder to come by. This scholarship, awarded out of sheer generosity, is a truly amazing and appreciated thing..........I never knew Chris, and I don't know you, his family. I don't know what it feels like to lose a child or loved one from such a horrible incident, and I hope I never will. That you, Chris' Mother and Father are able to turn around and make some sort of good come from his death is truly a wonderful thing. Through this yearly award you are ensuring that his memory will live on and that he won't fade from people's minds. I will try my hardest to bring honor to his memory by working hard to hone my abilities to their fullest and using this money to it's full potential.....Again, I thank you and am truly grateful being chosen...........Zachary M. Wojnar..........Happy Birthday to my sweet boy. Zachary is right....I don't want you to fade from people's minds.

Today's photo....June 10,1984 Adam and Chris meet up close for the first time....I remember that moment VIVIDLY!!

Memorial Day......And I remember. I don't think of it as just a day to remember our fallen troops, since 2001 I think of it as a day to remember my baby. And I DO remember. To this day almost eight years later, my mind at times fills with STRONG thoughts and memories...and I cry. I never know when it will happen but when it does, I have no control. This has been another whirl wind month and everything that has happened has been changed as a result of 11/20/00. May 4th was Jill's shower.....celebrating the upcoming birth of TRIPLETS!! Jill was Chris' FAVORITE baby sitter.........he would have thought that was so cool! And knowing Chris the way I do, had he lived I know he'd be interested....."How's Jill Mom, any news?" He was so kind and caring at 16 I know at almost 24 he'd be even more so. Mother's Day was the 11th.....a day that will NEVER be celebrated the same. I feel so sorry for Adam W. having to shoulder the entire task himself.....I'm sure he knows that at least half my mind is with his dead brother.....but we don't talk about it. May 12th was Sarah and Adam's FIRST WEDDING ANNIVERSARY!!.....The paper anniversary!.....I KNOW Chris would have had fun with that! May 18th was Caleb and Heather's wedding shower........While I was honored to attend and wouldn't have missed it for the world, I couldn't help knowing Chris would have been here. Chris and Caleb truly loved each other....another tough wedding coming in August. On the 20th we attended Franklin High School's honors night. The recipient of the 8th annual Chris Kempa Memorial Art Scholarship was honored.....Another tough night but I am so proud to remember my baby that way....and I know he is too. Another health set back...back on blood thinners which DOES NOT thrill me....another CT scan on the 20th...the results of which will be delivered tomorrow. Another tough month ahead of us, Chris should be turning 24. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him..........sometimes I laugh, most often I cry. And once in a while the BAD memories still fill my head.....The events of 11/20/00. I have NO control...it's terrible. As hard as I try to turn it off, I can't...........I still MISS him and love him so much.

A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. It dares all things

I know if Chris were here today, he'd be planning a special Mother's Day surprise for you, Fran. I hope you have a nice weekend. Today is May 10th...one month from the day Chris would be turning 24, the day before Mother's Day, and the day before Adam & Sarah's anniversary.It's also the wedding day for the president's daughter, and also a day when I attended a baptism for a dear friend's grandson, who was born 15 weeks early and only weighed a pound and a few ounces at birth and spent 100 days in the NICU but has beaten the odds. The baptism was lovely with baby Josef looking adorable surrounded by his loving family and friends. Everyone was so happy and hopeful. It gave me the chills as I thought of that summer in 1984 when we all gathered to attend the baptism for another beautiful baby boy. Happy Mother's Day to my dear sister. We will never forget you Chris! You brought our family many joyful moments, and we thank God for the short time you spent with us. I know you will be with your Mom in spirit as you look down upon her from your heavenly home. Keep her safe and let her have a wonderful day remembering you and enjoying her earthly family members.

Today is May Day, HURRAH!!.......Two years ago this month the most educated, knowledgeable and experienced Oncology team at the University of Michigan's Cancer Care Center gave me two years......I'm still here. Just as another U of M team gave me a 5% chance of survival in 2003 during my coma weeks....I'm still here! There is NO question however, my body is FAILING me. I know my nine lives ARE running out. In the past, my greatest passion was gardening.To me it was so rewarding and BEAUTIFUL!! I can barely pull two weeds now before becoming fatigued and short of breath...but I'm pulling them!........Stair climbing is another task that is becoming a chore...going up, not going down....I'm sure different muscle groups are involved. But after climbing 14 stairs, my legs scream at me and I pause to catch my breath...but I'm still climbing them!...........During this five year ordeal, (five years is scarry for a cancer patient!) my philosohpy has been and continues to be....I'm going to keep doing what I can do for as long as I can do it......and if that means pulling two weeds a day, I am thankful.

Dear Franny, Your most recent guest book entry was very touching and it made me cry. It made me cry for many reasons, the most important....your diagnosis. I have to tell you that you really are my hero...I know that must sound really dumb, but you have more strength (mentally and physically) than anyone I know. You have accomplished a lot in life...more than many people that just trudge along day-to-day taking life for granted . I know since losing Chris you have encountered so many damn trials and tribulations in your life. You have beaten cancer once and are delaying this cancer for a long time...Keep up the good work! We are very proud of you Franny! The next thing that brought tears to my eyes is the fact that you can see so much beyond your diagnosis and go through your life with your chin up. You have faced things in your life with courage and are able to "Keep on keepin on"! I pray regularly for you and HOPE you are getting through your days with hope also! We continue to have many, many people praying for you at the Newman Center and I hope you feel that love and prayer......Congratulations on getting through your radiation treatments and enjoy the "break"ahead in this next month. Enjoy your wedding and shower and have a ball!!.........Love you kiddo....P.S.............I saw the recent interview with that Professos from Carnegie Mellon..he truly is an inspiration!!!

I feel like I'm FINALLY rounding the bend.....they told me I'd feel like crap for a month after the radiation treatments. I started to feel a little better after two weeks and decided to resume some "normal" activities....then had a BAD relapse last week, but now I'm hopeful....guardedly hopeful but hopeful just the same. I have a few weeks off now before cancer swallows up my life again in May. In the mean time I will pretend that everything is "fine" as I so often try to do but I know in my mind, heart and body that it's not.....but sometimes pretending is the best thing to get you through it. I have a baby shower to attend....one of my dear friend's daughter...who is also dear to me and our family is expecting TRIPLETS!!!...How cool is that? Another dear friend's son is getting married in August so I have a wedding shower...and wedding to look forward to. This young man happened to be one of Chris' two best friends. He too is dear to me and our family. I have been making an effort since the new year to tie up loose ends...to reconnect with people who have impacted my life....in a good way or a bad way. I have a strong need to talk to these people. I saw a snippet of a Dr. Phil show the other day..I can't even remember the topic but the point he was making hit home.....You can build bridges for people...but you can't force them to cross ......that is totally up to them. So far all of my bridges have been crossed....except one. And unfortunatly knowing the person AS I DO....but not really knowing him, I'm afraid I will have to take that one most important bridge to my grave...and it makes me sad.............I just finished reading a book titled THE LAST LECTURE by Randy Pausch a 47 year old tenured Professor at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh. He has been diagnosed with stage IV terminal cancer so I was interested. I am passing this book on to my son Adam tonight....Not only do I want him to read it for him....because in a BIG way Randy Pausch reminds me so much of Adam but I also want him to read it for me...I hope it will give him a better sense of how I feel....not only about life and death but life's lessons.....As I told Adam on the phone yesterday, " It's not like he teaches you anything you didn't already know, he just reminds you of the most important ones...and you think..oh yeah, THANK YOU!" MANY of the entries stood out to me but there are three I'd like to mention here. I am not quoting the entire chapters....just the most important excerpts. Chapter 47 is titled...A BAD APOLOGY IS WORSE THAN NO APOLOGY.......Apologies are not pass/fail. I always told my students: When giving an apology, any performance lower than an A really doesn't cut it. Halfhearted or insincere apologies are often worse than not apologizing at all because the recipients find them insulting. If you've done something wrong in your dealings with another person, it's as if there's an infection in your relationship. A good apology is like an antibiotic, a bad apology is like rubbing salt in the wound....Proper apologies have three parts: 1) What I did was wrong. 2) I feel badly that I hurt you. 3) How do I make this better?............If other people owe you an apology, and your words of apology to them are heartfelt, you still may not hear from them for a while. After all, what are the odds that they get to the right emotional place to apologize at the exact moment you do? So just be patient...............Chapter 48 is titled, TELL THE TRUTH........If I could only give three words of advice, they would be "tell the truth." If I got three more words, I'd add: "All the time." My parents taught me, "you're only as good as your word," and there's no better way to say it. Honesty is not only morally right, it's also efficient............People lie for lots of reasons, often because it seems like a way to get what they want with less effort. But like many short-term strategies, it's ineffective long-term............That's what amazes me about lying. Most people who have told a lie think they got away with it.....when in fact, the didn't...............Chapter 54 is titled, BE A COMMUNITARIAN.........We've place a lot of emphasis in this country on the idea of peoples RIGHTS. That's how it should be, but it makes no sense to talk about rights without also talking about RESPONSIBILITIES. Rights have to come from somewhere, and they come from the community. In return, all of us have a responsibility to the community. Some people call this the "communitarian" movement, but I call it common sense. This idea has been lost on a lot of us, and in my twenty years as a professor, I've noticed more and more students just don't get it. The notion that rights come with responsibilities is, literally, a strange concept to them...............I would recommend this book to anyone..even if you're not diagnosed with stage IV terminal cancer. As I said, it's an excellent refresher of life's lessons....the ones we pray our children will get, but unfortunatly, some NEVER do.

Yesterday Adam and I had to perform the annual difficult task of chosing the recipient of the 2008 Chris Kempa Memorial Art Scholarship. While it's difficult on many levels, returning to Franklin, returning to the art room, being surrounded by so many kids who look just like Chris did the last time we saw him........the most difficult task is chosing that student. Every year the kids seem to become more and more talented and the Franklin Art Department continues to GROW!! I know Chris is proud!! This year there were four applicants, two girls and two boys, all EXTREMLY talented. It's a personal thing for us. We always try to chose the student whose style most reflects Chris' This year we would like to congratulate Zachary Wojner. His entries not only were amazing but the fact that he is heavily into computer art and graphics weighed in on our choice.....Computer art, graphics and animation were Chris' latest loves before he was killed. While $1,000 isn't a fortune toward college these days, I know it helps defray expenses to a small degree.....and it helps to keep Chris' memory alive. And that to me is the most important thing! I have to thank Jeremy Rheault. The memorial plaque still hangs in the Franklin art room along with the work I consider Chris' master piece, Edward Scissor Hands......He has no idea how much that means to us! While we have not been good about updating the scholarship awards on this page over the years, Jeremy has documented them all on the Franklin Art web page......http://Franklinart.googlepages.com/. He lists all the recipients and has photos of most of them. He also has a very sweet tribute to Chris. Adam and I will attend Honors Night May 20th, having missed it last year due to illness. We will be able to congratulate Zachary in person. I am proud to say this is the eighth scholarship awarded in memory of Chris! I made Adam William PROMISE after we're gone he will continue to faithfully fund the scholarship as long as Franklin High exists.

This entry was on the cover of our April Compassionare Friends News letter. It is titled SPRINGS TEARS written by Sally Migliaccio TCF Babylon, NY.......When the sun's sharp brillance echos in the luminescent blue, a grim, oppressive darkness stabs my aching heart anew. It's golden glow upon my face, the warmth of winter's sun holds the promise of renewal when the icy months are done. It is the vow of nature of resurgence in the spring that bows my head, and breaks my heart; unlocks my suffering. For you will miss again the beauty of this time of year. The growing warmth, the sunny days when life will reappear. For nature has no power over death that holds you still, and though I know, I still resent Spring's early daffodil. Oh, would that I could speak to Mother Nature face to face! To beg she work her magic on your final resting place. Why can't it be YOUR rebirth when the grey, cold days are done? Why mightn't YOU not live again to see spring's fresh new dawn....and feel the warmth of sunshine, relish in the greeting earth...to open arms, embracing life why can't it be YOUR birth? You were so young, your life so new when death crept in the door, and in my grief , beloved child, I'll ask forever more The reason why the earth is renewed when spring comes round each year. Yet in your grave you're silent still, and I condemned are here..................Chris LOVED Spring!! He LOVED every season for what it had to offer. I too LOVE this time of year....the brief period between heat and air.......to open the windows and smell spring and feel it's breeze. It truly is invigorating! I am beginning to feel slightly human again.....can feel I'm rounding the bend at last....but still for the most part feel like a rag doll........but I'm getting there!

Too ill this year to participate in the Easter festivities due to my most recent MOST horrile cancer treatment thus far. When my cancer comes back again...and I know it will, even if they tell me I will be dead the next day if I don't allow them to repeat this treatment, I will simply tell Adam and Adam to "Start planning my funeral."...I may be stupid...but I'm not insane!....Often times the cure is WORSE than the disease. I did recently share my vivid memories with Kathy about Easter 2000 and the FUN we had. I know our holidays would naturally be different in 2008 if Chris was still here....BUT, he'd STILL be here!... and I honestly don't believe I would be this ill.......It makes me go back to that statement I heard months ago about how one moment in time can impact millions of moments in time for the rest of your life. The morning of 11/20/00 was that moment in our familie's life and it CONTINUES to impact all of us on MANY different levels! Happy Easter to mmy sweet boy. I miss you and love you and think about you EVERY day and will until the day I die.