The truth will come out........ Dad <<<<<<<0>>>>>>> - Wednesday, December 05, 2001 at 10:14:38 (MST) Kudos Cathie. My daughter is also a pedestrian/auto statistic along with other teens who have been struck by cars from Franklin. In all cases, no tickets were issued because the blame was put on the teen, not the person driving the weapon. I'm sorry, but all teens are NOT stupid pedestrians like they are made out to be. In more cases than not, the driver IS at fault for not paying attention to their surroundings. Pedestrian safety has been drummed into kid's heads from the minute they could walk. And for those who think video games give kids a fearless mindset, Think Again! No one wants to be hit by a vehicle. MCS - Wednesday, December 05, 2001 at 09:56:34 (MST) I've meant to write in here for the last week but I've been trying to put words together. My message is to A Viewer, simply Matthew 7:1.I hope that you do come back in and read what happened to Chris. If you have read through the archives, you would have seen what the family went through after Chris's death. Hateful things written in this guestbook, things stolen from the memorial, people blaming Chris for his own death. But I guess you didn't have the time then to read more. Make the time!!! I have a copy of an article from woman's day that I've been afraid to send to Fran and her family for fear of hurting them even more. But you, Viewer need to know some facts. Each year SIX THOUSAND pedestrians are killed and ninety thousand injured in America! 6,000!!!My own mom was struct by a car when she was fifteen. She was standing on a street corner waiting for a bus to take her to school. Another car struck the car by her which in turn struck her. I can't imagine what my grandmother went through. Come quick your daughter's been struck by a car. At the hospital finding out she had a broken collarbone, problems with her leg and can't talk because she's in a coma! My grandfather lived in Georgia and couldn't get here right away to see his firstborn. My mom was very lucky, her coma lasted two days and her scars weren't too bad. I check this site out every day and every day I cry for Fran and her family. I live two blocks from where Chris was killed and what you don't know is that this intersection is between two of the worst intersections in Livonia for traffic accidents. I put my bumper stickers on the car to put Chris's message out. Do you know what the Kempa family is doing? If you read the archives you know that they do not ever want this to happen to another family. I can't recall how many times Fran has said that in her daily writings but it's been written a lot!!! You are who we want to see this website and repeat this to others so that they might think when they drive. After Chris's death I began to check all the corners when I drove, to be aware of people walking around , to make sure I do my part in helping with Chris's message. KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD! PLEASE!!!!!!!!! Cathie Vyse <Wysetalk@aol.com> - Wednesday, December 05, 2001 at 07:49:22 (MST) 12/5/01.....this is a flyer Chris designed on the computer for the band he had such high hopes for...the band that got together for Autumn Bash 2000..less than a month before he was killed. He was SO thrilled to be playing with all his friends..Scott Allen, Danny Sperry and Andrew Schinsky. I think THEY all knew this was just something thrown together for the Autumn Bash but as usual Chris had BIG plans.....as evidenced by the fact he was designing flyers for "the group!" The photo was taken Christmas Eve 1985. It was a tradition to put out carrots and water for the reindeer and cookies and milk for Santa. As you can see, both boys couldn't help but sample the reindeer food! Late this afternoon Adam and I went to Barnes and Noble to take advantage of his annual Christmas discount. In addition to a few gifts, I bought the new Mannheim Steamroller Christmas CD EXTRADORDINARE. From 1990 until his last Christmas of 1999, Chris, and all of us LOVED the Mannheim Steamroller Christmas music. That is what played during our Thanksgiving dinner for YEARS....not this year OR last year however. I'm very anxious to hear this new one but couldn't do it yet. Last night, I watched most of a Peter Paul and Mary concert on PBS.....their Christmas concert. Parts of it really got me....the songs from their Peter Paul and Mommy album.....that's a small part of the music my boys grew up with....before they could choose their own! But even then, they did a good job! We all LOVE and LOVED music! I'm sure Chris still does.....just on a different level. Fran Kempa - Tuesday, December 04, 2001 at 22:29:36 (MST) I miss you. I love you. Scott Allen - Tuesday, December 04, 2001 at 19:56:52 (MST) Not in two weeks, two months, two years, two lifetimes, could you ever get over the loss of a child. Chris is in a most wonderful place, no doubt. It's not about what the world had to offer him, but what he still hadn't accomplished to offer the world. MCS - Tuesday, December 04, 2001 at 13:26:21 (MST) 12/4/01.....This drawing is another I have no idea about. Definatly High School though. If you look very carefully, inside the globe the guy is holding ....is an eye! It shows up very clearly in person. The photo was taken Christmas time 1984. We started a tradition of taking their picture in front of the fireplace and continued to do so until 12/99.....then the tradition ended. One year ago tonight my brother in law called me up and told me to "Get over it" I remember being so shocked and saying, "For God sakes Tony, it's only been TWO WEEKS, I KNOW he's dead but I'll never get over it." He then said something so silly it made no sense. He said, "Think what Oprah would say" After that comment I didn't pay much attention to what he said....I just kind of let him ramble on but the whole time I was thinking. I was thinking, I don't give a damn what Oprah of all people would say....she has NO CLUE, she has no children....but I bet if one of her dogs was killed she'd take some time to "get over it" And I remember thinking if you really think you can get over it in two weeks ,I feel sorry for you....you must not have had a very close relationship with your son. Tonight Scott brought over the still life Mr. Rheault found in the art room a few weeks ago. It's VERY colorful and rather abstract. I'm guessing pastels, chalk and ink. I like it and it was SO wonderful to get today after such a horrible Chris day yesterday. I consider it our Christmas present from Chris! Even after all this time, once in awhile, it's right back in your face and you feel like it just happened..the pain is that intense. I think it's because it's Christmas and he's not here....again. That is not helping. Fran Kempa - Monday, December 03, 2001 at 22:35:51 (MST) I believe Chris really did deserve more than earth had to offer him. You are missed. ~~~<<>>~~~ <~~~<<>>~~~> - Monday, December 03, 2001 at 19:12:36 (MST) 12/3/01....Adam changed the page after all! The art is once again one I know nothing about....when or why. The photo was taken 12/25/84...his first Christmas....Adam's first Christmas with someone to share it with. Chris is holding a pacifier in his left hand and a Christmas present in his right hand....a pacifier two pack! Before I had kids I thought my kids will NEVER use pacifiers....then I had kids and saw things VERY differently. Both boy's used them and I was often so greatful to have them. They both cried A LOT in the first three months. Fran Kempa - Monday, December 03, 2001 at 14:13:02 (MST) Hey Chris! Thanks for the sign yesterday! I wore a plain black t to work yesterday and thought it needed some color. I went in the back room to put on my chris pin and when I came back out Our Sloan song was on the radio! That was soooo cool! Thanks for that! You made my day! Cyndi! <Goldfingercjl@yahoo.com> - Monday, December 03, 2001 at 13:14:23 (MST) I read Fran's entry, unlike her I do blame the driver. He killed my son and changed my family's world forever.... His family knew, and put a truck in his hands... I miss you always.. Dad <<<<<<<0>>>>>>> - Monday, December 03, 2001 at 09:01:23 (MST) 12/3/01.....once again, I guess Adaam forgot to up date the page as he intended. He's STILL SO busy! The art is one we call BULB and the photo is another taken in Nov. 1984. Today was FULL of Chris isms. I cried harder today than I did on 11/19/01....MORE tham 11/20 and I think it was because I kept thinking on 11/19....ONE YEAR AGO.....HE WAS ALIVE!! And I kept thinking that because unlike last year, this year I KNEW not only would he be gone tomorrow....he WAS GONE! I watched most of a Charlotte Church concert on PBS tonight. One of the last conversations Chris and I had was whether or not to buy the Charlotte Church Christmas CD last year. We were BIG on Christmas music. I would traditionally start with Thanksgiving dinner, (SOFTLY) flooding the house with Christmas music, and continued daily until about New Years. I honestly believe the boys LOVED it. There was quite a variety. Last year, shortly before he was killed, we agreed I should buy the Charlotte CD and I did,.....AFTER he was killed. I've yet to listen to it all....Maybe this year. After the concert I went grocery shopping at Larry's. I saw Casey and he gave me a big hug. When I got to the deli counter, I couldn't help but notice, they had a new girl. She appeared to be about 19 and she made me SMILE! She had very short blonde hair....but then it looked like someone had taken a paint brush and painted a squiggle of purple, green and red through out her hair....and I couldn't help thinking , "Chris would have LOVED her hair." And I kept smiling. I wanted to say very badly to her, "My son used to work here.....he would have LOVED your hair!" But there were a lot of people standing there. I didn't want her to feel self conscious so I didn't say anything....I just kept smiling and I'm sure she thought, "What is with this woman?" Tonight I saw a few comercials on TV that just ripped me apart. The first was for Marshall Fields ....a Hudson's commercial when Chris was alive. I believe it played for at least two years before he was killed. ....It's the one that shows all the little kids making decorations for a few seconds.....then it shows them all hanging them on a christmas tree.....then the camera pans back and you see about a 20 foot tree with only about the first 3 feet decorated! Chris LOVED this commercial! We watched it together for the first time and I remember him SMILING as the kids made and hung their ornaments, then LAUGHING as the camera panned back to show the naked tree top. I'll NEVER forget him smiling and laughing that first time and saying, "That's a GOOD commercial!" And everytime he saw it again and we were together he said, "I LOVE this commercial!" The other was on channel 7 saying something like, "Our lives changed drasticly on Sept. 11th....." And all I could think was no..... mine didn't....Sept. 11th had little or no impact on my life....Nov. 20th 2000 was the day that changed my life FOREVER! I'd like to thank my sister Kathy for the beautiful poem she added to the guestbook today. It not only sums my feelings up quite well, it says a lot of what I've said right along. I TRULY DO believe Chris STILL exists on a different level. I really don't have much of a problem with the heavenly why...I TRULY believe God took Chris back for ALL the same reasons I want him back.....and I don't blame God....I ENVY Him! My problem is, and ALWAYS will be with the EARTHLY WHY. Given ALL THE FACTS.....how could people just let this happen....and I don't just blame the driver.....I blame people VERY CLOSE to him who KNEW the facts and ALLOWED this to happen!!! Fran Kempa - Sunday, December 02, 2001 at 23:18:32 (MST) I came across this poem today. HE WAS SO YOUNG by Marjorie Holmes He was so young, God, So young and strong and filled with promise. So vital, so radiant, giving so much joy wherever he went. He was so brilliant. On this one boy, you lavished so many talents that could have enriched your world. He had already received so many honors, and there were so many honors still to come. Why, then. In our agony, we ask. Why him? Why not someone less gifted? Someone less good? Some rioter, thief, brute, gang member? Yet we know, even as we demand what seems to us a rational answer, that we are only intensifying our grief. Plunging deeper into the blind and witless place where all hope is gone. A dark lost place where all our own gifts will be blunted and ruin replace the goodness he brought and wished for us. Instead, let us thank you for the marvel that this boy was. That we can say goodbye to him without shame or regret, rejoicing in the blessed years he was given to us. Knowing that his bright young life, his many gifts, have not truly been stilled or wasted, only lifted to a higher level where the rest of us can't follow yet. Separation ? Yes. Loss? Never. For his spirit will be with us always. And when we meet him again, we will be even more proud. Thank you for this answer, God. kathy <mskatep@aol.com> - Sunday, December 02, 2001 at 18:36:35 (MST) 12/2/01....This is a close up of the drawing we call APPLE. The one we found in the garbage bag in March or April after he threw it out 11/19/00. It is so intricate..the detail is amazing in person.....but I guess he wasn't happy with it, he threw it out. The photo was taken in Dec. 1984. Chris was 6 months...his first visit to Santa and he wasn't scared! Fran Kempa - Sunday, December 02, 2001 at 10:41:19 (MST) Just wanted to say Chris is totally a guardian angel....I have asked him to give me some guidence on a certain situation and he totally helped me with it..Keep up the good work...I'm gonna stop bye your memorial today so you will see me.. Someone who cares - Sunday, December 02, 2001 at 10:12:51 (MST) 12/2/01......I guess Adam forgot to up date the page as he intended....he's SO busy and I guess that's good. The drawing is again one I know nothing about but notice, another very prominent EYE! The photo is another taken in November 1984. This morning,(12/01/01) we got a grave blanket for the cemetary. Chris had one last year but Adam did it by himself. This year we did it together. I can't tell you how weird that was. Here I kept thinking we should be Christmas shopping for his presents.....not at a nursery picking out something for his GRAVE! It was awful. This afternoon Claudia and I resumed our annual tradition of going on the Greenmead Christmas Walk. We skipped it last year. Many INTERESTING homes were included through out Livonia. We had fun! But we talked about Chris related things A LOT! Fran Kempa - Saturday, December 01, 2001 at 23:30:36 (MST) Adam~ it was great to see you today at the house! I stopped by the memorial earlier tonight and thought of all of the students that I am blessed to work with in my profession as a teacher, including Chris Kempa. I am feeling pretty lucky to have the opportunity to be touched by these amazing people through good times and not-so-good times! My thoughts and prayers are always with Chris' family and friends...just wanted to share...take care of each other... Ms. Hillman - Saturday, December 01, 2001 at 19:16:44 (MST) 12/1/01...I thought the Christmas pictures would start today, but tomorrow I guess. I call this work EGGHEAD. More focus on eyes....notice the LEFT one is CLOSED! The photo is yet another from 1987. A co- worker asked me today if I'm "any better." Pat is a nurse who is fairly new to the facility. I first met her on Dec. 11th 2000, my first day back to work after Chris was killed. She had just hired on. She worked with us until June 2001 then took another job. She came back to work with us one week ago. She started the conversation today by asking me what we were going to do for Christmas. I told her how we were most often alone for holidays.....the four of us but we ENJOYED them to the MAX! I told her that just like Thanksgiving, this will be our second Christmas without Chris but will seem like the first. We were STILL in such a fog and shock last year. That's when she said , "Well, are you any better?" I tried to explain to her that yes, in some ways I AM better. It's much easier to deal with on a daily basis.....but it's always there.......right below the surface. It doesn't take much to get me going. I still think about Chris ALL the time and cry every day. That has become my reality. Fran Kempa - Friday, November 30, 2001 at 23:36:20 (MST) .....So now you're jammin with George AND John! heaven must be so grate.... Miss You Buddy!!! - Friday, November 30, 2001 at 16:18:55 (MST) i like the new layout for the website but the only disappointing part is that you cant pull down a menu and look through his artwork. will that ever be back up? instead of having to continue clicking at 'random art.' id much rather be able to just pull the piece i want to see up. sorry if im complaining, i just thought that was much easier and more sensible. just a suggestion... <...> - Friday, November 30, 2001 at 14:28:14 (MST) today is such a sad day, and i know that chris would of been devisated cause another Beatle has passed away. I know chris is happy to have another jam session buddy in heaven...George,John and himself. I bet he's already having a blast with him. Chris take care of George, he's new to the place (heaven)..as yourself, us Beatle fans will miss him dearly forever...music will never be the same. I miss and love you chris...RIP George Harrison. Katie B. - Friday, November 30, 2001 at 14:23:10 (MST) IF I KNEW If I knew it would be the last time That I'd see you fall asleep, I would tuck you in more tightly and pray the Lord, your soul to keep. If I knew it would be the last time that I see you walk out the door, I would give you a hug and kiss and call you back for one more. If I knew it would be the last time I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise, I would video tape each action and word, so I could play them back day after day. If I knew it would be the last time, I could spare an extra minute to stop and say "I love you," instead of assuming you would KNOW I do. If I knew it would be the last time I would be there to share your day, well I'm sure you'll have so many more, so I can let just this one slip away. For surely there's always tomorrow to make up for an oversight, and we always get a second chance to make everything just right. There will always be another day to say "I love you," And certainly there's another chance to say our "Anything I can do?" But just in case I might be wrong, and today is all I get, I'd like to say how much I love you and I hope we never forget. Tomorrow is not promised to anyone, young or old alike, And today may be the last chance you get to hold your loved one tight. So if you're waiting for tomorrow, why not do it today? For if tomorrow never comes, you'll surely regret the day, That you didn't take that extra time for a smile, a hug, or a kiss and you were too busy to grant someone, what turned out to be their one last wish. So hold your loved ones close today, and whisper in their ear, Tell them how much you love them and that you'll always hold them dear Take time to say "I'm sorry," "Please forgive me," "Thank you," or "It's okay." And if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today. a friend - Friday, November 30, 2001 at 13:28:34 (MST) 11/30/01.....Admm Wm. and I both agree on this one.....we BOTH call it TIGER. It is one of the last works he ever did. It was his first project at the Career Center 2000. I vividly remember going to the open house in Oct. 2000 and seeing all these animals displayed and saying to Adam, "From a distance they look REAL!".....and they DID!! He was SO HAPPY to be at the Career Center and we were SO happy he was. It was something we had set as a goal while he was still in Elementry School.....and he realized it.....just as he had ANY goal he set for himself anytime along the way. He was SUCH a hard worker....something I don't see in the young people these days..... Basing that upon my own experience at my own job for almost 10 years now...Many young people seem to have NO work ethic.....but Chris did! He held the same job much longer than some people who would prove to play a DEVISTATING role in his life!.....at 16! The picture was taken in Nov. 1987, more leaf fun in our back yard on Auburndale. One year ago at this time we were all still SO MUCH in a fog.....We had lived the defination of the word SURREAL and had come out on the other side to attempt to survive it's fallout. Fran Kempa - Thursday, November 29, 2001 at 23:47:57 (MST) We call this drawing APPLE. It is one of a few drawings and poems Chris himself, threw out on 11/19/00. I had asked him to clean his room for our Thanksgiving company arriving on Wednesday....it didn't have to be perfect...I was sleeping in his room....just straighten up some of the clutter. Chris' method of cleaning his room was ALWAYS to take big green garbage bags and throw things out....thin out the VAST collection of EVERYTHING! And that's what he did on 11/19/00. LUCKILY, despite our fog, we had sense enough not to let the two bags go out with the garbage after he was killed. They sat in the garage for months....I think until March or April... until we could bring ourselves to go through them. And Chris was right, most of the stuff was garbage, but there were a few TREASURES, both art and written. It made me wonder how many things he threw out over the years that I knew nothing about. In the summer between Freshman and Sophmore year he threw out hie WHOLE PORTFOLIO WITH my knowledge!..he wasn't happy with it. I just attributed it to his artistic quirk and figured he'd just do more....how I WISH we had those now.....but we do have SO MANY Chris works and for those I'm SO thankful. The photo is another taken in Nov. 1987. More leaf fun in Buffalo. Last year at this time I had begun the long process of thank you notes...Almost 500. Many people had offered to help but I felt the need to do them all myself....it also gave me something to do and it kept me busy which I discovered early on was an important coping mechanism...keeping busy. Many of the notes couldn't be done by anyone else, they had to be personal and from the heart. The rest, just gave me something to do. It was rather creepy. On 11/25/00, after the funeral gathering at the house, Bill Deady, Mark Greene, Adam and I returned to the funeral home to pick up the numerous floral arrangements and plants. It was then they presented me with an RG & GR Harris Funeral Home tote bag! Do they REALLY think you'll ever reuse such a thing!? Inside it was full of WONDERFUL things. SEVERAL copies of the death certificate which listed the cause of death as "multiple injuries" which surprised me. I was SURE the cause would be listed as, "severe head trauma." It also contained the funeral registry and unused funeral cards. NOT something I was happy to receive. After MANY starts and stalls over a four year period, our addition is WELL on it's way to completion....a FAMILY ROOM! But it's NOT the same family it was originally designed for....it's a grossly altered version. Chris was SO excited about this space! So is Adam but it's NOT THE SAME! We've decided to make it, in addition to a family room.....an art gallery! A vast space to display Chris' NUMEROUS works of art! I think he'd LOVE that! Which makes me wonder if he hasn't had a hand in things running SO smoothly lately!! Fran Kempa - Wednesday, November 28, 2001 at 23:03:30 (MST) 11/28/01 I have no idea when or why Chris sketched this. It doesn't show up very well but to me it looks like a gingerbread man standing on top of CHRIS. To the left of the gingerbread man is an apple....and even though it doesn't show up well here...in the middle of the apple is...AN EYE! The apple of my eye.....or an omen? The picture was taken I believe in Nov. 1996. That's Chris, Grandma Joan, Bill and Adam, visiting in Buffalo, taken at Aunt Molly's. My memories of last year beyond the 27th are foggy at best. I still hadn't driven at this point...I couldn't bring myself to get behind the wheel....from what I've heard, the driver had no problem, he was driving the same day he killed him...how can that be? And I'll NEVER forget the way I felt ...for SO LONG after. THANK God it's eased to a certain extent by now....I remember telling my father over the phone around this time, "If this pain doesn't go away soon then I beg someone to put me out of my misery." But it didn't, and no one did. It's SO hard to describe. I felt TRUE physical pain in my chest and abdomen.....like someone had ripped my heart out and eviscerated me. I also felt like I wasn't real. Like I was walking around in a total fog and things were just going on around me. I was a spectator but not a participant. Most of the time I also felt like I could jump out of my skin....electrified...it's SO hard to explain. I neglected to say one thing yesterday.....AMEN MCS! Once again, you said it SO much better than I could have! Fran Kempa - Tuesday, November 27, 2001 at 23:08:29 (MST) Dearest Chris, one year and 7 days, how much I miss you I cannot say with words. Listening to the new hot water music CD makes me think of you, it makes me cry to know you will never hear it. We will never speak again of music or art, or when we will meet. Those times will never happen. I miss you so much, you were a light in my lifr and continue to be, you marched to your own beat and carried me with you, you were ana amazing person who made me want me to be true to myself, you made me want to be better. You inspire daily still, just as you always did. You will live in my heart forever. I love you. Tink <poetgurl84@aol.com> - Tuesday, November 27, 2001 at 07:56:30 (MST) 11/27/01 This drawing is one I believe Chris did just for the heck of it. It's of his friend Ron Q. Chris and Ron didn't become friends until about two years before he was killed. He was not a life long friend like Scott and Caleb, but he felt like one. Once again, Ron was smart enough to keep it, but kind enough to let us take a picture of it. The photo is one Chris took of his skateboard shortly before he was killed. His skateboard, just like his art, was constantly evolving. You never knew what stickers or drawings he would have on it. They were constantly changing with his whim or mood. I can't begin to tell you how many times he had to paint it to change the image or how many times he had to change the "trucks." I haven't heard that phrase around here since he was killed. He LOVED skateboarding and was QUITE good at it....mastering those "tricks." One year ago today was a Monday...one week after he was killed. I felt compelled to be at that corner at the time he was killed for some reason. His Dad came too. We arrived at 6:45 A.M. I was very surprised to see people already there. As we got closer I could see it was a young girl and a woman. When we got to the Memorial, I could hardly ignore them. I asked the girl if she knew Chris. She was very pretty and seemed very sweet. She said she and Chris had been friends since Junior High. She introduced me to the woman as her Mom and we hugged. I said to her, "He was a WONDERFUL boy!" She replied, "I know, that is what my daughter tells me." I was SO SHOCKED, weeks later to find that unknowm to the four of us at the time, this Mother and daughter would prove to be a very small piece of this horrible puzzle. I have seen the daughter a few times since the revalation and we have exchanged a few E mails. I've tried to tell her how I feel about her and I pray she believes me. I've never seen her mother since. Fran Kempa - Monday, November 26, 2001 at 22:36:54 (MST) leave it to some deranged religious psycho-babble to really shed light on this situation... or not. yet another viewer - Monday, November 26, 2001 at 20:50:17 (MST) To A Viewer, I am just a bystander who has been touched by this tragedy. Fran and her family have every right to be angry. I am also angered and doubt that that will change anytime too soon. Making peace with God is the easy part. If Chris can't be with his earthly family then there is no better place to be than with God's Heavenly family. My anger stems from the fact that there are too many jerk drivers on the road, preying on the innocent because of their own selfishness. I can't fathom the pain the Kempa family feels everyday and for the rest of their lives. They are SO entitled to be angry, not at God, but because of the selfish act of another. It happens way too often these days and it CAN be prevented so such anger does NOT have to exist. Chris is in a most wonderful place and that anger will be replaced with joy when all can meet again. MCS <**************> - Monday, November 26, 2001 at 18:18:01 (MST) First you have to know ALL the facts. Then you have to imagine being in their shoes. Losing a wonderfully loving, talented 16 year old son. After that you can HONESTLY say you WOULDN'T feel ANGER? I don't believe you. Anger is a normal human emotion. To Not feel anger in this situation is abnormal. Another Viewer And Family Friend - Monday, November 26, 2001 at 16:45:05 (MST) To "A Viewer"....you are right...you are a bit out of line for your comments. Until you have walked in Fran's shoes, NO ONE can understand her hurt. She is dealing with her grief the best she knows how, and if it is anger...that is ok. One of the steps in recovery is anger. She does know that God needed Chris for important things in Heaven, but as any Mother knows, was not ready to let him go. We pray every day that she heal and begin to love life again...it will never be like before Christopher's death, but we pray she have some solice and peace of mind. In the interim, she will deal with it as best she knows how. Whatever it takes to get through a day!! JoAnne - Monday, November 26, 2001 at 13:41:26 (MST) Looking through your guestbook entries fills me with a sadness and a pain for a family that I've never met. I am worried, though, with the angry tone behind a lot of the recent guestbook entries from Chris's mother...I think it's wonderful that she's working through her grief in this horrible tragedy but I pray that she makes peace with God and/or the person who did this...not too sure on the details of Chris's death but I see a lot of "he killed him...I will never think of Thanksgiving as a day to give thanks...he did NOT WANT to die!" Fran, even if your son could come back from heaven, I promise you that he wouldn't want to come back. Even if he could. Heaven is that wonderful! I know this seems that I am speaking out of turn, and please believe me when I say that I am so sorry for your loss, and have no idea as to what you're going through. I also know that God knew that Chris was going to die at a young age...that it was in His plan...and that it will be for His glory. I will pray for your whole family, and especially for you, Fran, that you all find peace. I wish I could have known Chris...he sounded wonderful, and so do all of you. God broke your hearts to prove to you all that He ONLY TAKES THE BEST. a viewer - Monday, November 26, 2001 at 06:02:45 (MST) 11/26/01 This drawing is initialed and dated 1994. I believe he drew it one day when Adam took him to work with him. It was hanging on the wall of his old office at the College of Pharmacy and Allied Health. This photo is another taken in Nov. 1997. Chris was MISSING his skateboard and this game in the hotel arcade helped! I'm not sure if all the Florida pictures were taken on the same day or if Chris just LOVED that WEEZER shirt at that time as much as he LOVED his KENTUCKY Elliott sweatshirt at the time he was killed. On 11/20/00 Adam contacted our family doctor without my knowledge and got a xanex perscription for me. I'll never forget when he brought it home that night my reaction. All I could say was, "I refuse to be drugged for my baby's wake and funeral. I want to remember EVERYTHING." Followed by, "It's bad enough he killed Chris, I'll be damned if he turns me into a drug addict." So I took the bottle and put it on top of the fridge. It sat there untouched until 11/26/00. I got up early and made breakfast for the first round of family returning to Buffalo. The horrible, surreal whirlwind of that week was beginning to fade..for some. People were getting back to normal, reality was trying to creep in. After my family left I repeated the breakfast process for Adam's family and they were gone. For the first time in almost one week the three of us were left alone. We weren't getting back to normal....we had to define and figure out a new normal. And how did I chose to cope? I went to the fridge, got the bottle from the top, took a xanex and went to sleep for the first time in almost a week. Fran Kempa - Sunday, November 25, 2001 at 22:30:51 (MST) Each and every day the home that was once filled with two busy young men,is now often silent. We have begun finishing the addition. There are many tasks that I busy myself with. But the process itself does not make sense. I never minded working on the house before Chris was killed. The point is that this was to have been shared with the family that occupied this home before Chris died. That family is gone forever...... Dad <xxxxxoxxxxx> - Sunday, November 25, 2001 at 11:01:39 (MST) My thoughts are with you Fran, as I remember the little things we used to worry about and think they were big. I hope that you and your family are doing okay, and are working through your grief. Alexis and I have been remembering the fun times the kids had together when we were neighbors, and how close they all were, playing together nearly every day. It was our pleasure to have enjoyed Chris during his baby, toddler and preschool years. He and Colin were great at getting into mischief together. Our thoughts are with you. Shannan Shannan McNair <mcnair@oakland.edu> - Sunday, November 25, 2001 at 09:34:16 (MST) As it is Thanksgiving again my thoughts draw me inevitably toward the Kempas, and Chris. When we were neighbors back on Auburndale my brother Colin, Adam, Chris and I all had adventures together as kids. I remember the day Colin and Chris gave each other a haircut and even the furious parents could not help but laugh. The four of us would often be seen playing around the old, unused brick grill in our backyard which we had named "the fort" and attempted many a time to make bricks out of mud- positive there was a way. There was a small clump of trees ("the forrest") in the back and we gave our parents more than one fright I am sure as one or the other of us teetered at the top of the chimney to pick lilacs. I rememer refridgerator boxes (coveted items) becoming rocketships and castles and submarines with the four of us in it - often simultaneously. with love to you all, Alexis Alexis Garland <mgarland@oakland.edu> - Sunday, November 25, 2001 at 09:19:02 (MST) 11/25/01 This "art" is the cover of one of Chris' sketch books from 2000, his short lived Junior year. Notice how he altered it to turn the form in to Superman and sketch in to C K. That's the kind of thing he did ALL the time...Who would think to do such a thing but a CREATIVE MIND! The photo is another taken in Nov. 1997, obviously at Epcot Center. One year ago today we buried our baby and little brother. November 25th will ALWAYS be as TRAGIC as the 20th. Once again, most of the day is a fog but there are vivid memories. I'll never forget arriving at the funeral home to see SO many people already there. I'll never forget people still coming, unable to attend the funeral but wanting to pay their respects. I'll never forget sitting, waiting, as each row went up, DREADING the final,FINAL, goodbye. I'll never forget the three of us standing there at his coffin, looking at his empty body, CRYING, telling him how much we love him and saying GOODBYE! I'll never forget the awful feeling of knowing we HAD to....we had NO choice. I'll never forget sitting in the van behind the hearse, watching as his friends and cousin carried his casket. YOUNG men carrying an even YOUNGER man to his grave.....it made NO SENSE. I'll never forget him asking me not three months before, "I won't have to ride in the hearse, will I Mom?" After I asked him to be a pall bearer for Grandma Kempa's funeral. I'll never forget saying, "OH NO HONEY!" I'll never forget the driver ed car passing the funeral procession as we drove down Farmington. I'll never forget he had an appointment to drive that day. I'll never forget how HARD that made me cry. I'll never forget how packed the church was....so many Franklin jackets. I'll never forget even Father Bondy breaking down. I'll never forget walking out of the church as GONE TOO SOON played and CRYING. I'll never forget the slow, silent except for sobbing ride to the cemetary. I'll never forget standing in the chapel after the prayer service and realizing it was OVER! I'll never forget pulling out of the cemetary as people were still pulling in. I'll never forget going back to the house and seeing another sea full of people. I'll never forget someone sitting me down on a kitchen stool and handing me a glass of wine. I'll never forget it started to rain. I'll never forget telling people, that was my baby crying. He DID NOT want to die...... Fran Kempa - Saturday, November 24, 2001 at 23:00:30 (MST) GIVING THANKS I cannot hold your hands today, I cannot see your smile. I cannot hear your voices now, my children, who are gone. But I recall your faces still, the songs, the talks, the sighs. And story times ,and winter walks and sharing secret things. I know you helped my mind to live beyond your time with me. You gave me clearer eyes to see, you gave me finer ears to hear, what living means, what dying means, my children, who are gone. So here it is Thanksgiving Day and you are not with me. And while I weep a mother's tears, I thank you for the gifts you were, and all the gifts you gave to me, my children who are gone. By Sascha <From Wintersun> - Saturday, November 24, 2001 at 15:20:59 (MST) 11/24/01 This drawing is #5 of a series Chris called MAN WHO RUNS. Unfortunatly he didn't date it. It's nice to have it titled and signed, that's very rare. The photo was taken in Nov. 1997 in Orlando, Florida. The boys and I were standing outside our hotel waiting for the shuttle bus to take us to ....I think we went to Epcot that day. 11/24/00 was a Friday and the last day of visitation at the funeral home. As the days went on, my fog grew. My memories are fewer and fewer as the days went on. During this brief period we not only chose a funeral home and burial plot but planned a wake and funeral. But my memories are limited. I wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating and had suffered the worst trauma of my life....one I wouldn't even wish upon the driver. NO ONE should have to experience such a loss. THANK GOD we had a whole network of loving, caring friends working behind the scenes to make sure things went as easily as could be expected. So many dear friends just stepped in and took over big pieces of the puzzle. Some I was aware of at the time, and some I'm sure I don't even realize today. I'll never forget my sister, brother - in -law and niece arriving from North Carolina. I'll never forget watching the memorial video with them in the sunroom and CRYING! I'll never forget Lisa Gibson facing me at the coffin and very tearfully saying, "You were so lucky to have been his mother!" I'll never forget agreeing with her. I'll never forget meeting with Father Bondy at the funeral home to make sure everything for the funeral was set. I'll never forget hoping this night would never end. I'll never forget thinking that even though he was gone I couldn't survive the finality of the funeral so I wanted the wake to continue forever. I'll never forget Adam's brother, sister and spouses arriving at the funeral home from Buffalo. I'll never forget going back home and eating a dinner with family prepared by friends. I'll never forget the noise that came from me often during this whole ordeal. I'll never forget calling it my "Animal Noise" I'll never forget DREADING TOMORROW..... Fran Kempa - Friday, November 23, 2001 at 22:49:17 (MST) FIRST THANKSGIVING The thought of being thankful fills my heart with dread. They'll all be feigning gladness, not a word about her said. These heavy shrouds of blackness enveloping my soul, pervasive, throat - catching, writhe in me, and coil. I must, I must acknowledge, just express her name, so all sitting at the table, know I'm thankful that she came. Though she's gone from us forever and we mourn to see her face, not one minute of her living, would her death ever replace. So I stop the cheerful gathering, though my voice quivers, quakes, make a toast to all her living, That small tribute's all it takes. FIRST THANKSGIVING <BY GENESSE BOURDEAU GENTRY> - Friday, November 23, 2001 at 16:07:47 (MST) this past year has been really hard for me, two friends died, both were close, and then my grandpa got really sick. Its hard to know what to do about the way i feel, its like i cant get over it, no matter how much i really want to i just cant. Its like im not letting myself do it, uncontiously. I hate not having chris around physically at school and at the park. But at the same time, him dying introduced me to a lot of really good things. i never would have become close to mrs. kempa. Actually i probably would have, just not that soon, it may make some of you mad to hear that, or it may make absolutely no sense whatso ever, or it may make you think, but it was by no means to upset you. And i think i make perfect sense to myself. I feel hatred towards myself sometimes, like when at school, chris would do something crazy and stupid, i would say "youre such a dork," or something like that, i hate myself for not being as a best friend should at times, he deserved more. And sometimes all i can do is sit back or lay down and hope to God that he knew i was just kidding, and that in side he was more precious to me than any other friend i had. But along with these thoughts that i rememeber, i also remember the sweet good moments we had together. Like when he gave me the note to ask me out because he had "chickened out" as he put it. And i remember exactly how the first sentence of it went (even though i never kept it for god knows why) "If you got this letter its my back up plan for asking you out...." Those few sweet words i will cherish, that was truly one of the sweetest moments i can remember. I miss him so much! I wish i could bring him back, but i cant so the only thing that i can really do is to remember and pray and just love. I love you mrs. kempa! Love always~~moriah "punk <rocker"> - Friday, November 23, 2001 at 13:22:18 (MST) this past year has been really hard for me, two friends died, both were close, and then my grandpa got really sick. Its hard to know what to do about the way i feel, its like i cant get over it, no matter how much i really want to i just cant. Its like im not letting myself do it, uncontiously. I hate not having chris around physically at school and at the park. But at the same time, him dying introduced me to a lot of really good things. i never would have become close to mrs. kempa. Actually i probably would have just not that soon, it may make some of you mad to hear that, of it may make absolutely no sense whatso ever, or it may make you thin, but it was by no means to upset you. And i think i make perfect sense to myself. I feel hatred towards myself sometimes, like when at school, chris would do something crazy and stupid, i would say "youre such a dork," or something like that, i hate myself for not being as a best friend should at times, he deserved more. And sometimes all i can do is sit back or lay down and hope to God that he knew i was just kidding, and that in side he was more precious to me than any other friend i had. But along with these thoughts that i rememeber, i also remember the sweet good moments we had together. Like when he gave me the note to ask me out because he had "chickened out" as he put it. And i remember exactly how the first sentence of it went (even though i never kept it for god knows why) "If you got this letter its my back up plan for asking you out...." Those few sweet words i will cherish, that was truly one of the sweetest moments i can remember. I miss him so much! I wish i could bring him back, but i cant so the only thing that i can really do is to remember and pray and just love. I love you mrs. kempa! Love always~~moriah "punk <rocker"> - Friday, November 23, 2001 at 13:20:04 (MST) 11/23/01....once again ,no clue to the when or why of this drawing we call Rain Eye. The thing I find so weird is how Chris focused on eyes SO much in his art work. He had a thing for eyes....Was it an omen? The photo is another taken Thanksgiving Day 1989. The little Pilgrams waiting for their dinner! They loved holiday dinners! I always tried to set a fancy table and candles were a MUST. After every dinner they would then have a blow out the candle war...who could fake out the other one and blow the candles out first! They did this every holiday dinner up to and including Easter of 2000....The last holiday we spent together as a whole family.....Chris won! We would often joke about the boys being grown up with their own families....35 and 40 sitting around the holiday table and STILL having their blow out the candle war!....I believe that would have happened! Tonight's dinner was very subdued. Chris wasn't here to liven things up. We did have a nice conversation with Adam which made me feel good! When Chris was alive and it was just the four of us on Thanksgiving, as it often was, I would go around the table and each one of us had to tell one thing we were thankful for. Tonight instead, we toasted Chris,..."Where ever you are..." While I believe he's in heaven ,I don't think he's just there....I picture him as very mobile and very busy..still helping out so many on earth as he did in life....but as an Angel spirit. We had our candles on the table....but no blow out the candles war. Last year 11/23 was Thanksgiving Day. I will NEVER again think of Thanksgiving as a day to give thanks.....It is now and forever the holiday I spent sitting by my baby's coffin. Add that to the list, he also killed a family and the way they celebrate holidays FOREVER. There was no visitation that day but the funeral home was open and they said we could come and we came. I'll never forget taking Charlie to the funeral home to say goodbye. I'll never forget how he sniffed around for a while and then with out coaching, laid down in front of the coffin...like he knew. I'll never forget the surreal feeling of this "family" in this situation on Thanksgiving! I'll never forget getting back to the house and finding my brother, sister-in-law and nephew there. I'll never forget wishing they weren't....only because that would mean Chris was still alive....they hadn't come for Thanksgiving. I'll never forget telling my family how badly I felt about being in Buffalo for Chris' 16th Birthday and that he never had a cake. I'll never forget Adam telling me about this wild birthday party Chris gave himself while we were gone! I'll never forget being so HAPPY about a party I never would have approved of in life...but so greatful for in death! I'll never forget eating the first meal I'd had since hamburgers for dinner 11/19. I'll never forget regerting having eaten because I was so sick....HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! Fran Kempa - Thursday, November 22, 2001 at 23:30:19 (MST) I also wanted to speak at the vigil..but I knew that I wouldn't have been able to. I wanted to say how much I loved Chris...and how much I missed him..and what a wonderful person he was. I wanted to say that at one time, Chris was my ONLY friend. He was there when no one else was. I wanted to say, that I had no clue, a guy who I started talking to ONLINE, would become my best friend. I wanted to say that he had no idea how much I appriciated all of the songs, and cd's and poems he made for me. I wanted to say that he had no idea how much I loved it when he would play songs for me, and make up the lyrics as he went along. I wanted to say that I miss all of those things...but I knew I couldn't. The vigil was wonderful, and I'm glad that I got to share it with so many people who loved Chris as much as I did. corinne - Thursday, November 22, 2001 at 21:57:35 (MST) 11/22/01 Once again I have no idea of the story behind this drawing....when or why. But after June 5th I think it's VERY telling! The photo was taken on Thanksgiving day 1989. My parents and sister Molly had come to celebrate with us just as they intended to do Thanksgiving 2000. My sister brought these pilgram props and we all took turns getting our picture taken in them....it was FUN! Even though this is our second Thanksgiving without Chris, to me it seems like the first. Last year we were so numb and in such a fog and in total disbelief, Thanksgiving came and went without the realization ....this is our first...Even though we received a few invitations to join others for their celebration I declined. As awkward as it may be, I think it's important we get used to holidays with just the three of us. It's one of the many things that you'd rather not do, but you have NO CHOICE...a STRANGER took that away from you! I'm working today and I'm GLAD! that will fill a big part of the void. Last year.....11/22/00 wasn't Thanksgiving, it was the day before. My memories of the morning and into the afternoon are absent. I do have some vivid memories from mid afternoon on....I'll never forget pulling out of the driveway on the way to the funeral home just as my parents and sister were pulling in. I'll never forget walking up to their car to greet them with the knowledge that my baby and their baby grandson was DEAD. I'll never forget walking into the funeral home, having not seen him since lying dead on the gurney on Monday. I'll never forget STILL thinking this was all A BAD DREAM. I'll never forget not being able to walk over to him in his coffin. I'll never forget busying myself with other things. I'll never forget the awesome (as Chris would say) Memorial video Angie Hillman put together with the help of many of Chris' friends. I'll never forget the awesome art display Jeremy Rheault set up. But most of all, I'll NEVER FORGET finally having to walk over to my baby's coffin. It was one of the hardest things I've EVER had to do....there were SO MANY hard things during this HORRIBLE ordeal...you can't pick the hardest. I'll never forget seeing him lying there. The first thing I said was, "Aw, he looks nice, they did a good job." But he didn't look real. I'll never forget touching his forehead and it felt like cement...it most likely was ,he had so many head injuries. I'll never forget crying harder and longer than I ever had in my life. I'll never forget as 4:00 came ALL the people that were already there to pay their respects. And I'll never forget it continued all night long.....wall to wall people who LOVED Chris! Fran Kempa - Wednesday, November 21, 2001 at 23:10:39 (MST) I attempted to speak at the candlelight vigil last night. Here is what I was trying to say When Chris was little and we would go to a park, to a picnic or some other event, he would go off and soon bring back another child. He would say Mom, Dad I would like you to meet my new friend.... As he grew older Chris liked to say he was "everyones friend". I know he meant it. At the vigil there were so many people... It seemed to me all of his friends, new and old came to pay tribute to him one year after his death... It has been said that when all is said and done a measure of a man is the number and quality of his friends. By this measure, Chris was a great success. Thank you all for being there. Dad Dad <afk49> - Wednesday, November 21, 2001 at 22:21:42 (MST) I would just like to say that last night was so beautiful. It was a great turn out and I'm glad that everybody still loves and thinks about Chris everyday. As a Foodland employee, I would like to tell you guys that everybody at Foodland that is friends with him wished that they could be there last night and everybody wanted me to think about them when I was at the corner last night and I did. We all at Foodland miss Chris ao much and I remember the last day I worked with him just like it was yesterday. We talked about the next time we worked together and how much fun it would be. And how much fun we would have working again together. I rememebr that we would always get into troulbe with the office managers because we would not help the others bag and they would get mad. But we told them that it would be ok and we would help them out on the next order. Those were the days and I miss them so much. Mr. and Mrs. Kempa and Adam......I hope you guys have a Happy Thanksgiving. You guys will be in my heart at the dinner table Thanksgiving night. And I will say a special prayer for you before dinner. I love you guys!!!! And I love you Chris!! Jenny <msbanana37@hotmail.com> - Wednesday, November 21, 2001 at 20:38:17 (MST) i really dont know what to say. i didnt know chris personally but i wish that i did. in reading every wonderful thing that people have written, it seems like he was such a wonderful person. I come to this sight often and when i read the things that people write i start to cry because i just couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose someone like that. I guess what i came here to say is that my thoughts and prayers are with the Kempa family. nicole <sxychik613@yahoo.com> - Wednesday, November 21, 2001 at 19:02:52 (MST) The vigil last night was beautiful. I'll bet it looked incredible from above. I know some were worried that not a lot of people were going to be there but I knew that wasn't true. Chris had so many friends from so many different places and was loved by so many and still is. I kept expecting to turn around and see him standing across the street underneath the street light in his hoodie. Probably with a 7-11 cappucino in his hands. And maybe some headphones on as well. Ah well here I go on a tangent. I just wanted to say that I thought it was really beautiful and I know that we all miss Chris as much as ever. Also, to Mrs.Kempa, it was really nice talking to you with Lisa and Meghan last night. I left a letter for Chris at the site and I wanted to tell you that you could read it if you wanted to. I know you and Chris were very close and shared a lot with each other so I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you read it. All my love to Chris and his family, Dana Dana <gloomypeaches8403@msn.com> - Wednesday, November 21, 2001 at 18:18:41 (MST) I wish I could have been their last night..At least I was there in wishes...I remember me and Jason talking about this one time Jason told me he missed Chris sooo much and that someone he knew didn't understand how Jason could still miss Chris...Jason got very upset and told me "they just don't understand"We talked and talked about that for so long....I told Jason he's part of the club now....The one knowone wants to be in and understands untill they lose someone close to them...Allthough Chris and I have never met I have bonded and related to many of his friends about the lose of a friend....Jason and I had many many talks about how much we both missed our friends...He cares for Chris so much...Mr and Mrs Kempa you should be so proud that you raised such a wonderful son/friend....Best wishes to you and your family this holliday season. Christina - Wednesday, November 21, 2001 at 15:12:20 (MST) Most of my memories of 11/21/00 are foggy but a few are vivid. I'll never forget opening my eyes early in the morning after a sleepless night and crying very loudly, "IT WASN'T A DREAM!" I'll never forget walking downstairs and seeing his cereal bowl in the kitchen sink from the morning before. I'll never forget how hard that made me cry. I'll never forget thinking, "His cereal bowl is here but he's not, it doesn't make sense!" I'll never forget us taking his MIRRORS portrait to be framed in death after he'd asked me to do it so many times in life. I'll never forget us going to buy him the suit I promised I'd buy him but certainly not for the same reason. I'll never forget explaining to the clerk why it wouldn't have to be altered and I'll never forget crying the whole day. I know there was much more that happened during the day but it's a blur. My next vivid and last memory is of the evening of 11/21/00. Selecting the clothes for his wake and burial. I'll never forget chosing the shoes, socks and under wear. I'll never forget knowing WHY I was doing this. I'll never forget ironing the white shirt he'd worn to Homecoming just one month before. I'll never forget delivering his clothes to the Funeral Home with Bill and Kathy Deady. I'll never forget feeling like the world had stopped and NOTHING mattered. I'll never forget crying the whole night. Fran Kempa - Wednesday, November 21, 2001 at 14:30:01 (MST) The candlelight vigil last night was beautiful. It was touching so many people remembered and attended. I am so happy I asked Brad Allen to be our spokes person. I hope he knows how much I thank and appreciate him. The words he wrote are beautiful: "I'd like to welcome everyone on behalf of the Kempa family- We are all here tonight to pay tribute to Christopher and pay our respects to his wonderful family - Adan, Adam William and Fran. In his life, Chris taught us a kinder and gentler way. He taught us we need to love our friends and family unconditionally - in good times and bad. He taught us that friendship is based on loyalty, forgiveness and attention to the smallest of details. He taught us that art and music are a passionate way to connect with people - and that they can make a deep and lasting impression; more than just words can say. His successes came by working hard and staying true to a vision - a vision uniquely his own. He taught us it's OK to be different and that you can lead by not following the crowd. And in his modesty, he showed us you don't have to make a big noise to be loved, appreciated and respected. In death Chris reminds us that our whole world can change in the blink of an eye. That we must live each day to the fullest - and that tragedy of this kind affects us all. Our little community is stronger today - and has truly come together in support of one another and the Kempa family. That energy has not only created a Scholarship Fund in Chris's name but an incredible support network of family, teachers and friends. I think we would all like to thank Adam William for the brilliant tribute to Chris he created through the website - not only a permanent display of Chris's art but a place for all of us to seek comfort and express our feelings - espically his mom. And Adam you need to know what a wonderful example you set for Chris on what it means to become a man. His parents Fran and Adam fought harder than any parent I know for their child....and they continue to fight for him. Adam- you were there for him at every game, concert and show - and your love of music was in his soul as well and he loved you very much. And I think we all know Chris's enormous heart was a direct result of his mother's unrequited love. And Fran - your heart still shines through to all of us - even though we know it's broken. One year has passed and we are all trying to heal and fill this void that exists. Chris, you know how much we love you and miss you - and as a tribute to you tonight, we light these candles in your honor - God bless this beautiful boy." We then lit our candles as I WILL REMEMBER YOU played. Then Brad read a poem I found on line by Brenda Penepent. ANOTHER YEAR Another year has come, And you, so far away from me now; But in my heart still. Forever I will hold you close. Every smile, laugh and tear I've cried A testament to your presence. I will always love you , No matter what happens. Your death can not seperate us. I'm right here loving you as always. My heart is true and strong. I will never forget your spirit. I am no longer afraid. To live or die is the same for me. You are with me on this journey. I raise your light to the heavens, and smile. After the poem several friends shared memories and then we played another song, MAGIC by Ben Folds Five. We concluded with a prayer. Dear Lord, it is difficult for all of us to understand why this had to happen. We can only trust you have a greater plan - and that heaven is where you needed Chris most. Please continue to send those little signs that show Chris is watching over us - it helps his mother and father so much - we ask this in Jesus name Amen. Many people lingered after and it was wonderful to see people I had not seen in a long time. Again, heart felt thanks to Brad Allen and to Claudia, for showing me how it would flow. I also want to thank everyone who brought flowers and candles for around the Memorial again. It looks BEAUTIFUL and I know Chris is proud. Special thanks to Kevin Scott for the beautiful Memorial drawing, To Justin Kriemes for the negative of the beautiful picture he took of Chris on the last day of school 6/00. Very special thanks to Beth and Casey Mack for the wonderful photos from their cottage 8/00. Chris had gone with them for 10 days. I didn't know these pictures existed until last night. They are GOOD pictures of him and I am So happy to have them. So thank you one and all for your participation. It makes me feel so good to know Chris is still so loved, is so missed and will NEVER be forgotten. Fran Kempa - Wednesday, November 21, 2001 at 11:17:53 (MST) though i did not stop, i did drive by, as i have every day since. believing chris is fine, hoping his family is, and thinking of my children. i read this site like a bad dream, for i drove past the scene just minites after it happened. and to see how many friends still hold chris close, leads me to believe chris will never be completely gone. as thanksgiving draws near, thank God for family, friends,and those that have touched your life in the smallest way. you never know what awaits you at the corner. a franklin mom - Wednesday, November 21, 2001 at 09:33:36 (MST) Chris never drew me pictures or gave me any of his art. What he gave me was pieces of his heart and soul. He would write to me...thoughts, poems, whatever was on his mind. I thank myself everyday for immediatly printing these masterpeices. I so very much wanted to read a poem of his at the vigil tonight, however, didn't feel that I could have spoken through my tears. So instead, I share here, my favorite piece: I May not Mean Alot to you All "I may not be big and strong, I may not be able to move the words of popularity down the hill, I may not be your #1 school member, but in my heart I feel big, and in my heart I can help myself and you all. I know i'm not much, but something is around. I feel as though when something came up in the past I would look at it as a depressing moment Now I laugh in the present. Times can't be wasted. These times have to be spent well. I know this may seem gay, it's just what I'm thinking and typing. No poem here. I think after this I will write one, but all I feel like doing is telling everyone how I feel. If you don't care , I don't care how you think. It's not gonna stop me from telling, and it shouldn't stop any of you from shareing. Times are running short. Yeah, we may only be in "high school," but in 3 or 4 years you're gonna say, "where's the fun I had?" Or, "Why was I depressed on that day?" You should have fun while you can. Get all the school crap out of the way... run around ... feel free. I you have to work, here's my suggestion: CALL IN SICK. It works. Spend these days smiling... having fun! Find someone, don't feel gay and say, "oh I have college to that," or after, "when I have a good paying job." No, now's the time to learn, now's the time to look ahead, now's the time to prepare. Now's the time to stop listening to Chris Kempa who wants to speak his mind and maybe help... maybe not with his poem, wait I mean, not poem, but more or less freedom of speech, no no, mainly speaking my mind... never ending... when you dream you think, we build everything in our heads, and we destroy everything in our heads. Why not hold on to what we have made, or just plant something new? - Christopher Michael Kempa In my opinion Chris was wise beyond his years. He always knew the right things to say to anyone in need of his help. The things that I will miss most about him are: His energy, the way he could never get his words out fast enough and the way that he would get SO excited about certian things. The way that when he hugged you, he meant it...you could feel it in your heart. Most of all I miss his smile, the way that it would light up the entire universe and be so filled with joy and happiness. His smile to this day lights up my life like nothing I have ever known. *I will miss you untill the end of my days, I could never stop loving you.* XOXOXO Sara Sara H. <MjParker05@aol.com> - Tuesday, November 20, 2001 at 23:46:55 (MST) Hi Chris – Tonight I’m writing instead of having my usual daily chat with you since I would imagine you’re awfully busy at the party that I bet is going on in heaven right now in your honor. It’s been a year now that you’ve been living there, and we all miss you more than I know how to express. Even though we’re all so very sad that we can’t be physically with you again until we join you, I hold on to the belief that you, Chris, are not unhappy. I know this is so because I believe being in heaven with God has to be so wonderful that the human mind cannot comprehend it. Because you’re up there with people who love you very much and look out for you, like Gramma Missert and Eddie, it gives a lot of comfort to all of us. With Thanksgiving here, I want you to know how grateful I am for all the help you give me and all the times you look out for me !! Believe me, I count having you as a guardian angel high on my list of all the blessings for which I’m so appreciative. I don’t know where to start in listing everything for which I want to thank you. There are so many things such as the honor of having you for such a very special nephew, for those close calls I’ve had with my car when it’s started right up after breaking down, for you working your magic and finding a buyer for my condo and finding me a lovely new home, for all the help you give me at work, for the encouragement you give me to follow my dream and pursue my studies in History, for you crossing my path with some nice new friends and keeping me from getting entangled with the wrong people, and most of all, for always being there all those times when I feel so very much alone in this world when life gets overwhelming. Well, I’ll say goodnight now, Chris, so you can get back to your party. I’ll look forward to chatting with you tomorrow :) Much love always & many, many hugs, Aunt Molly Molly Vaughan <MEVaughan@AOL.com> - Tuesday, November 20, 2001 at 21:51:57 (MST) though i never knew chris personall, i stumbled upon this website today and as a fellow artist felt a pang of sadness when i read over what happened. looking over his incredible and captivating artwork, losing this awesome artist at such a young age really is devistating. all my best to his family, and to keeping his memory alive. shey <ozma@music.com> - Tuesday, November 20, 2001 at 21:33:52 (MST) I'm sorry I couldn't be there tonight, Chris to see all the candles lit in your memory. You've been in my thoughts all day long. So had your family. I will continue to pray for them. It doesn't get any easier over time...living on without you. I still miss being able to talk to you. All my prayers and love, tracy <tracyelaina@hotmail.com> - Tuesday, November 20, 2001 at 21:01:15 (MST) i miss you......we miss you ~~~~ <<<<<<<______>>>>>>>> - Tuesday, November 20, 2001 at 20:27:05 (MST) wow. i cannot believe it has been a year since that terrible monday. of course i still think about u all the time everybody does. but a year... the time went so fast yet the days seem soo long. i hate this day. i will always hate this day. i went to the vigil tongiht. it was nice but i wish we could laugh and talk about good times under different conditions. i miss you buddy. ill see you sometime in the future. night chris love woody jason <avsrule1449> - Tuesday, November 20, 2001 at 20:23:43 (MST) It's been a year now, since you were here now and i've been trying to heal it inside With dedications that all have placed and i see your resemblence in my face and on my birthday, ill send an extra wish for you and i have learned so much since youve been gone and i have done so little for so long so now ill settle all my grievencies and focus on the savory, and wave all these descrepencies away ill beat around these misconceptions give our faith at my discretion live a life that you would think was sane displaying changes, that they have made and im wondering if you ever really wanted it this way and in your memory, they even hung a plaque for you and i have learned so much since youve been gone and i have done so little for so long so now ill settle all my grievencies and focus on the savory, and wave all these descrepencies away ill beat around these misconceptions give our faith at my discretion live a life that you would think was sane ~dashboard confessional - for justin~ i miss you chris--you will never be forgotton- Noevember 20th, 2000 will never be forgotton Shawna Brenner <coffeeshopgal@yahoo.com> - Tuesday, November 20, 2001 at 19:28:51 (MST) Dear Kempa Family: My loving thoughts and prayers have been with you all today and expecially tonight. Fran, if I had known you were at the play Saturday night I would have struck around so Cori could have introduced us, but I was worried about about the fog and hurried out. The young adults do such a wonderful performance and I am sure Chris would have been there too, but I know he was in spirt. God Bless You all and may God give you to strength for the coming year. Mary Lou Laurila ] Mary Lou Laurila <mllaurila@yahoo.com> - Tuesday, November 20, 2001 at 19:07:02 (MST) Although we are several hundred miles from Livonia, you are still close to my heart. I wish we could be there tonight. I had a few good cries today. LOVE, K Aunt Kathy <mskatep@aol.com> - Tuesday, November 20, 2001 at 18:39:23 (MST) I wish I could put my thoughts in words. Today has been a day most people have been fearing. It has really been one year... I myself cannot believe it. I was glad when I heard about the Candlelight Vigil, and knew I'd be showing up. All day today I've had my thoughts on Chris. I've been back to this site more times in one day that I have in a month. Reading what people have posted is really uplifting at times. Anyway, I hope to see you all at the Vigil. Blessed Be. Doug K <Lochoko@yahoo.com> - Tuesday, November 20, 2001 at 17:06:16 (MST) I've dreaded today. I remember this day more vividly than any other I've ever had. I'll be there tonight. And I'll be thinking about you. Tonight, and for the rest of my life. You gave me so much, and we shared so much, that when people ask me I can't even explain it in words. You are one of the only TRUE friends I've ever had. Corinne - Tuesday, November 20, 2001 at 15:54:20 (MST) I have dreaded this date as it approached it made the whole thing real. Not that I can forget even for a minute. I remember that morning running down a hall way to the emergency room and seeing Fran crying. When she saw me she shook her head and I knew... I ran past her into the room to find Chris dead on a gurney his eyes open wide in fright and in death. I can not forget this sight. I said "Chris we love you!!!!" The year since has been marked with your absence Chris.....We still love you!! Here is a poem that I have posted before, it helps me to express his loss to us. Chris will never... Chris will never reach the other side of the road... Chris will never walk the halls of Franklin High School... Chris will never see his friends again at school... Chris will never get to give his note to his first love that he was bringing that day... Chris will never open his Christmas presents... Chris will never get to finish driver education and get his driver’s license... Chris will never drive himself alone down the street... Chris will never get his first car that was to be given to him in his senior year... Chris’s art will never grow... He will never... Enter his art in senior competition... Go to the prom... Have his senior or prom pictures taken... Graduate with the class of 2002... He will never... Eat his dad’s scrambled eggs... Get his paycheck from Larry’s Foodland... Surf the internet... Talk online with his friends... Swim two lengths of the pool underwater or play his guitars... Fight and fool with his brother over CD’s and clothes... Pet his dog Charlie, or play with his cat Felix... Skateboard down the streets of Old Rosedale Gardens... Get his braces off his teeth... Have his art grow, or do more computer animations... Laugh with his family... Again. He will never blow the candles out on his 17th birthday cake... He will never attend the summer portfolio camp at Detroit’s Center for Creative Studies... He will never be in another play... Never grow to his full height... He will never start the college and art schools of which he dreamed... He will never be a famous artist... He will never do special effects for movies... He will never draw us more pictures (he gave away his art “don’t worry mom I can make more”)... He will never be best man at his brother’s wedding... He will never get his first apartment... He will never marry the girl of his dreams... He will never buy his first home... Never have the “lots of kids” that he planned to have... Never make grandchildren, cousins and nephews or nieces... He will never be there for his brother or mother as the years pass... He will never be forgotten by those of us who knew him or loved him... He will never be forgotten. AKempa Miss always Chris, DAD Dad <afk49> - Tuesday, November 20, 2001 at 15:27:35 (MST) I can still remember sitting in third hour after listening to announcements and crying at my desk. A few of my classmates were crying with their heads down. I almost felt guilty about crying, as if it wasn't my place. The girl next to me was really great friends with Chris and had no clue this was going on. And there I was, crying. It seemed odd. I had only met him two days before. Part of me was crying in disbelief that someone could be taken away so easily. But the bigger half of me was crying for all of his friends, all of his family, and everyone who got the chance to really know him. I felt their pain but I felt it on a different level. I wanted to help. I wanted to just make everyone feel better. But after while even a year, you come to realizing that over coming sorrow takes time but the person is never forgotten. Chris is truly everywhere in the halls at school, now I know him from what I hear from his friends. I am glad to be a part of keeping his memory alive. My hearts goes out to all who really got the chance to know him. God Bless! Colleen Marie <blondbabe1385@yahoo.com> - Tuesday, November 20, 2001 at 15:22:51 (MST) I don't really know what to say here. I have been sitting here trying to find some words, any words to describe the loss and hurt I am feeling today. On November 8th I was riding my bike to class and was hit by a car. I had to be rushed to the hospital, ambulance and the whole nine yards. I was a lucky one. I didn't even break anybones, and you don't know how guilty I feel because you had to go through such horrors. The whole time they were working on me I knew I was going to be alright even though I had lost so much blood. The whole time I was crying and shaking because all I could think about was Chris, and what it must have been like for him. The doctors and nurses kept telling me I was okay and asking why I was crying so much. I explained why several times which only made me cry harder. One nurse, who stayed with me until my roommate and parents finally got there, told me that Chris was my guardian angel and made sure that I was not badly hurt. I truely believe she is right. I had one of his buttons on my backpack, I actually have one on every bag I own. Even on Prom night last June, I still tucked one in my purse. I allways want him to be with me and I will never forget him. I will be especially thinking of him tonight when you are all gathered around for the memorial. I will unfourtunatly not be able to attend. I hope it's not too cold for you all! Be safe and may God bless you all. Liz <barret81@msu.edu> - Tuesday, November 20, 2001 at 12:18:36 (MST) Our thoughts and prayers are with you today and always. The Kreimes Family - Tuesday, November 20, 2001 at 09:58:02 (MST) You are in my thoughts and prayers today Kempa's.... Christina - Tuesday, November 20, 2001 at 09:21:52 (MST) Kempas: I unfortunately cannot attend the memorial tonight for Christopher... however, i will be thinking of all of you today... with love... ryan allen. Ryan Allen <ryanrawk@hotmail.com> - Tuesday, November 20, 2001 at 08:37:42 (MST) My Dear Angel Son Chris, The dreaded day is back. Nov. 20th will be the dreaded day for the rest of my life. I remember SO MUCH SO VIVIDLY! I can replay it in my head like a movie. I had asked you to walk to school but after I heard the 11:00 weather the night before, "possibility of snow" I decided after you went to bed if there was snow I'd drive you. I remember the alarm going off at 6:00 and the first thing I did was look out the blind to see if it had snowed. I had NO IDEA in just over an hour I'd look out the blind again and see a police car in the driveway...NO IDEA.....When I saw there was no snow I was HAPPY! .....I wish it had snowed three feet!.....I went in your room and woke you. You jumped out of bed as usual. I saw you and talked to you that awful morning! I reminded you that you were walking. You said, "I know Mom, no problem" and walked down stairs to the shower. For some reason, I stood and watched you walk down the stairs. That's my last picture of you alive, walking down stairs in your boxers. I went back to bed never to see your beautiful face alive again. I'll never forget that knock! It was quick and it was LOUD! It was 7:09. I jumped up thinking it was early carpenters, only to see a Livonia police car in the driveway. I remember trying to imagine what you'd done as I RAN down the stairs. It never dawned on me in those few seconds you'd even been hurt, so dead never entered my head. I'll never forget the face of the blonde police woman and what she told me. I'll never forget RACING up the stairs and SCREAMING, "OH MY GOD, CHRIS HAS BEEN HIT BY A CAR." I'll never forget throwing on some clothes in 2 seconds...no socks, no underwear, just clothes. I'll never forget following the police car down Berwick to West Chicago. I'll never forget her STOPPING and just sitting there. I'll never forget JUMPING out of the car and SCREAMING at her," WHAT'S GOING ON?!" I'll never forget her telling us to go to ST. Mary's......You'd already left. I'll never forget telling Adam to disregard that and go to the scene. I'll never forget her blocking West Chicago with her police car and not allowing us to go to the scene. I'll never forget the ride to the hospital, crying, "It's bad it's real bad, I know it is." I'll never forget Adam trying to comfort me saying, "Now Mom, you don't know that for sure." I'll never forget thinking about critical injuries on the way....but not death. I'll never forget walking in to the ER and crying and begging them not to keep us waiting. I'll never forget being told you weren't even there yet....that made NO SENSE to me. I'll never forget waiting for what seemed like forever. I'll never forget being taken to the back and the blonde Dr. standing outside the door. I'll never forget taking both her hands in mine crying, " It's real bad isn't it?" I'll never forget as I said those words seeing CPR being performed in the background. I'll never forget her telling me, "He's had no brain or heart activity since the scene." I'll never forget thinking "Then why the hell are you doing CPR on a dead boy?" and telling them to stop. I'll never forget her taking us in the room before they cleaned you up. And most of all, I'll never forget the look of terror on your face. Your eyes were SO BIG! And your face so terrified. That picture is etched in my brain forever. It too gets replayed like a movie but not always when I want it. I'll never forget your brother throwing himself on the floor, screaming and sobbing. I'll never forget Dad coming around the corner and me shaking my head "NO" and waving my hands. I'll never forget going back in the room after they cleaned you up. I'll never forget the thickness of kerlex they had wrapped around your head. I'll never forget that the blood still seeped through. I'll never forget Adam Wm. gently touching your head and getting blood on his hand. I'll never forget him running around the room screaming. I'll never foeget the Nun chasing him because she thought he'd cut himself. I'll never forget Adam screaming at her, "IT'S NOT MY BLOOD." I'll never forget talking to your dead body . I'll never forget seeing a few whiskers on your upper lip and saying, "looks like you missed a few honey" I'll never forget leaving the room where you were, only having to go back several times. I'll never forget waiting in the little room to sign organ donation papers and dragging the wastebasket over to throw up in but I couldn't . I'll never forget the priest praying over your dead body. I'll never forget asking the ER nurse to cut off your necklace and bracelet. I'll never forget saying goodbye and telling you how much we loved you. I'll never forget walking out of the hospital. I'll never forget the silent except for sobbing ride home. I'll never forget looking out the window at people going about their daily lives and wanting to SCREAM at them, "What's wrong with you people, don't you know my baby is dead?" I'll never forget the police at the door not two minutes after we got home. I'll never forget the policeman handing me your school bag. I'll never forget thinking, "what are you giving me this for? He'll be home soon." I'll never forget calling Larry's and talking to Annette. I'll never forget calling my work and telling them I had no idea when I'd be back. I'll never forget watching the news and seeing your face. I'll never forget still not beliving it. I'll never forget Mrs. Allen coming over, hugging and crying. I'll never forget Dad making calls to Buffalo. I'll never forget not being able to talk to them. I'll never forget the phone and doorbell ringing constantly. I'll never forget realizing we had to find a funeral home. I'll never forget going out the door to the funeral home and finding Mrs. Deady and Caleb there. More hugging and crying. I'll never forget picking out your casket and other related funeral things. I'll never forget going to the cemetary and picking out your plot. I'll never forget going home to more ringing doors and phones. I'll never forget as 2:10 approched thinking, "he'll be home soon" I'll never forget as 2:10 came and went realizing you wouldn't. I'll never forget going to the Memorial hugging people and asking people, "what am I going to do?" I'll never forget no one answered me. I'll never forget coming home and sitting on the couch wrapped in the green "velvety" blanket. I'll never forget being SO cold. I'll never forget Donna and Nancy coming over. I'll never forget all your friends coming over. And I'll never forget all the food. It still didn't seem real. So you've been gone a year now. I wonder if the driver or any of the other people involved that morning gave you a second thought today. It's been a year but I still don't mourn your life. The thing that got me then and still gets me is the huge loss for the future....yours and mine. If you'd been just some kid who did nothing but sit in your room it would have been tragic enough. But he didn't just kill you, he killed all that talent, creativity and potential. He killed my baby and my friend. He killed a part of me. he killed the drawings, paintings and animations. He killed the music, the poems and the songs. He killed the humor, sweetness and gentleness. He broke my heart forever. He killed a son, a brother, a nephew, a cousin, a grandson. He killed a friend, a boyfriend, an artist, a musician, a singer, a song writer, a poet and an animater. He killed a student, a grocery store clerk and a neighbor. It makes NO SENSE. On June 5th we discovered the earthly why of how this "accident" happened. I'm afraid I'll have to wait for the heavenly why. I know you know how much I love you. I was SO happy, proud, honored and blessed to be your Mother. I know there are many girls out there who would have been happy, proud, honored and blessed to have been your wife. You would have been such a WONDERFUL father! I have no doubt about that. I do believe you still exist on some level. I've seen the signs and I believe them. I continue to cope by believing that you were special...and you were. God needed you for bigger and better things. You are an angel, a free spirit and you're doing such a wonderful job. God is so pleased and I am so proud. I hope you are proud of me and all of us. I will miss you for my lifetime and love you forever. I know you'll be there to greet me when my time comes. Tonight we will gather to remember and honor you. My hope is that it helps your friends. I think it will. I know you'll be looking down smiling, maybe showing some of your angel buddies the sight. And we'll be looking up, smiling, wishing we could see the sight! I miis you and love you SO much!! Mom - Tuesday, November 20, 2001 at 06:28:15 (MST) To the Kempas, Today I will wear Chris's pin. His memory honors all young people and because I am a teacher, I will honor Chris. Kyle Smith <mughug@aol.com> - Tuesday, November 20, 2001 at 04:59:00 (MST) It is 7:00 AM (11/20/01)in Buffalo, NY and my only thoughts are with our family and Chris. Our thoughts are with you now, as always, and we will be with you in thought at 8:00 PM tonight as youall gather at the memorial site. Our candle will be burning in the window all night for Chris. JoAnne <jgvpri@aol.com> - Tuesday, November 20, 2001 at 04:58:59 (MST) almost every decision i made this past year was influenced by you. from the cd's i bought to the time i swallowed too many pills. i have missed you. and now it has been a year and i am stronger and wiser, but the void has not been filled. you will always have a place in my heart. i love you, chris. may God, rest your soul. Sara <snolan@umich.edu> - Monday, November 19, 2001 at 22:14:46 (MST) I so wanted to be at the Memorial tomorrow night, but unfortunately won't be able to do so. Unbelievable that it has been a year. It remains heavy in my heart as if it was yesterday. I know Chris will be there tomorrow night with his family and friends showering them with peace and love as he always has done. I will be lighting a candle in his honor and let it shine from my window since I can't be there in person. Hopefully he will see it and know that I am thinking about him too. Sending my love, thoughts and prayers to the Kempa family near and far and to all who have ever been touched by this incredible young man. Chris, you live on in the hearts of so many! MCS <mopcopsop@yahoo.com> - Monday, November 19, 2001 at 20:59:10 (MST) Chris~I can hardly believe that it will be a year since you were taken so suddenly from us. I know that you are still with us in spirit and that sometimes we have to look a little bit harder to see you, but you are there. As I went to the play on Friday night, I was forced to remember seeing you there last year in the hall way after the show. I remember seeing you, but I didn't get the chance to go and say hi. Oh how I wish that I would have just taken two minutes to go and talk to you. The one thing that I do remember is your smile, and how it seemed to always make everyone else around you smile. I will never forget that. I know that you are with God now, and that one day I will see you again. But I wish that you were here with us and that none of us have to wait to see you. Know that you are loved and missed by so many people...you will see how many tomorrow night. Just look for all the shining lights and you will see just how many people love you. Some people come into our lives and leave quickly. Some leave a mark on our hearts and we are never the same. None of us are the same because of you Chris-none of us. Missing you always, Michele Michele <Shelly613@hotmail.com> - Monday, November 19, 2001 at 20:29:59 (MST) Our sweet boy.. god every day it doesn't matter what time it is during school when i pass by that little hallway leading out to the courtyard I pretend I can still see you sitting there .. like in the morning when I got off the bus and would come say hello to u every day... this hits home very hard for all of us.. most of us have never experienced such a loss before, and perhaps never will again. You're so close to all of our hearts Chris, forever here you'll stay. Tomorrow will mark an entire 365 days.. that's unbelievable. None of us will ever forget when and where we were when we heard the horrible news.. every thought that was racing through our heads.. how it felt for our souls to crash to the floor when we found out it was our good friend chris.. God, see? here I am.. still here.. finding it hard to pull words out of how I feel and it's been an entire year already. I don't know if i'll ever find the words, other than I love u chris, and god bless... we're all here for you :o) especially Chris' Familly.. I'll see everyone tomorrow.. till then! <3 Christine Hepperle <MistiqueToriDiva@cs.com> - Monday, November 19, 2001 at 20:22:21 (MST) Chris, Michele and I were at the play at Franklin last Friday. As we walked into the theater tears stung in my eys and a huge smile appeared on my face, memories of you in and around the theater flashed through my mind. I'm so thankful we have a place, such as the theater, that lets everyone recall so many memories of you. You will forever and always be loved and missed by so many. Love, Rachel Rachel <Raemb92880@aol.com> - Monday, November 19, 2001 at 20:10:53 (MST) "How I wish, how I wish you were here. We were just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year. Running over the same old ground, but have we found the same old fears. wish you were here." It doesn't feel like a year. It feels like a lifetime. jamie weeder <panickedbutpeaceful@hotmail.com> - Monday, November 19, 2001 at 16:31:49 (MST) Joy's beautiful poem kind of sums it all up so eloquently. I keep replaying the events of the week of Christopher's death..over and over and over in my mind. 11-20-00 was a rare day for us here in NC...we had a small amount of snow that had collected on the roads, and so since we have a limited amount of snow removal equipment, the whole place goes into a frenzy.....we have a county-wide school system here, and an early AM decision was made to have a two hour delay for safety issues.....As a school employee, I was kind of glad to get to go in a little late on a Monday AM...I was glad that my daughter Joan, Christopher's cousin and at the time a HS senior, wasn't going to be on the slick roads that AM.......the day went well for us all here in NC.......when I got home we had about a zillion hang-ups on the answering machine.....and being in a lazy mood, I didn't check my caller ID.......I just assumed all was well......since it was Thanksgiving week, and we have no family here, we sometimes have Thanksgiving with close friends that are in the same boat. So I chatted with my neighbor, about our two households having Thanksgiving Dinner together.....next...thing I knew...I got a call from my Mom, Fran's mom, Christopher's maternal grandma.....she sounded so upset...she could barely speak...she had something AWFUL to tell me.....since she was the caller and she and my dad are the family elders, I naturally assumed it was my dad.....as the mind raced through the processing of those words something AWFUL had happened.....my mind said....1) It's got to be news about Dad. 2) Is he dead? 3.) Has he had an accident? 4)Is he in the hospital? Yet her words didn't answer any of those questions......I had to have her repeat the words two maybe three times.....I will never forget that call.....I immediately needed to call Fran.AND ..she was out making funeral arrangements...I called every airline known to man but due to the weather in the NORTH and the holiday traveling, 98% of anything possible was booked up...I didn't even know when the wake was or the funeral was..I knew I just needed to get there......next my husband called and I spoke the words through my tears...he calmly said....it's ok we'll drive there.....we all need to go..AND..it was the first time I had seen my family on Thanksgiving all at once since 1986...........Chris and Joan were 3 & 2...who could have known? Anyhow, as I drove into work this AM and passed the local HS at 6:55, AM there were many kids crossing a very busy street like Merriman.....I cound not help but notice how light out it was....that early in the AM. I had to revisit that WHAT IF part of my brain another time....I know Chris is with the Lord...I know he's in a better place...yet I still don't understand.... I'll be praying for Fran, Adam and Adam all day tomorrow, and we will light our candles from our home. As this Thanksgiving approaches, I am thankful to have this webpage available. Adam has done such an outstanding job of this beautiful tribute. I visit this page every single day at least 1x....I know Chris is very proud of this tribute. LOVE, Kathy Aunt Kathy <MsKateP@aol.com> - Monday, November 19, 2001 at 16:12:37 (MST) I feel like I've just existed And now it's been a year. I don't know how I've lived and breathed Without you being here I know you lived your lifetime As short as that seems to me, But the pain in my heart is still so great, Yet I know your spirit is free. At times I thinkk I hear you The thoughts come to my mind. I struggle with the sound of your voice, But your voice I can not find. Yet you come to me in many ways So I know you did not die You want to tell me that you're close , And to please stop asking WHY Our lives on earth seem all too brief, Or brief as it seems to me. But where you are is forever, God calls that eternity! FEELINGS <BY JOY CURNUTT> - Monday, November 19, 2001 at 15:36:24 (MST) God speed Chris Kempa. Kevin Scott <NeonSage@hotmail.com> - Monday, November 19, 2001 at 15:14:29 (MST) i'll be there tomorrow and for years to come...those lights will shine bright for you and i know that each candle will represent apart of you, shining bright and will never ever fade out...I love you always and forever your very loved USA - Monday, November 19, 2001 at 14:34:09 (MST) 11/19/01 We call this cute little guy Teddy. No idea when or why he made him. He's the one Lauren chose for her tattoo! The picture is another taken 11/9/00 by Jenny Gervasi in Chicago. I'm positive they are the last pictures ever taken of Chris. That's why I chose one for today, one year ago today was his last day of life. I remember SO many things VIVIDLY about 11/19/00 so I guess what they say is true, "Memory is the only friend of grief" I can still see myself at work that day. The day before a patient had gone bad and when I left her family was still trying to decide whether to transfer her out to the hospital (St. Mary's!), or keep her at the home and make her comfort measures only. That's the first thing I did was check on Dorothy. Her family had sent her out. As it turned out, she lived longer than Chris. I remember at the end of the shift sitting at the nurses station talking to several co workers. I remember who was there and where we all sat or stood. We talked about forming a safety committe and whether or not we should exchange Christmas gifts. I had NO IDEA the next time I saw these people would be as a shattered woman at my son's wake. When I got home both boys were at work. I shined the silver in preparation for Thursday. I was very tired. Chris came home from work around 5:40. Dashed into the kitchen to say hello and up to the computer and the internet.....nothing unusual....we had NO CLUE. We ate aruond 6 we had hamburgers. We talked about drivers ed. I can STILL see him sitting in his spot at the kitchen counter. The last time he'd ever sit there, the last time we'd ever eat dinner together....the last time he'd ever eat dinner...He asked me to help him with his drivers ed and I said I would. We agreed 7:00 would be good. I could do the dishes, he could check his mail....again! At seven I asked him if he'd mind if we worked on the questions on the bed....I was so tired. I can still see him laying there right across from me with two drivers ed books and a notebook between us. He still had on his blue Larry's Foodland sweatshirt and khaki Dockers, no shoes, just socks. He was on his left side and held his head on his left arm as we read the questions. I helped look up the answers and he wrote. He wound up kneeling on the floor, using the bed as a desk. They were HARD questions. I had trouble finding the answers to some. I nodded out on him a few times and I asked him if he noticed. He said no, not really but he'd noticed my voice had gotten soft a few times. By 8:30 we both were in need of a break. He took off for the computer, I asked him to turn on the TV on his way out of the bedroom. He stuck his head in the doorway a few times then noticed MILLIONARE was on so he sat down to watch at the foot of the bed. He was rooting for Norm McDonald. We talked as we watched. I asked him about his Christmas list again...he was very slow about it for some reason. I told him I wanted to start shopping. He said he'd found the latest hand held game on line and had to find out the price in US dollars. He thought he might like that. By now Adam was home and joined us in the bedroom. He sat at the foot of the bed with Chris. They couldn't believe Regis talked Norm out of the million! Chris took off again and Adam and I stayed and watched til the end. At one point Chris stuck his head in the door and said, "Will you guys start buying Altoids?" I said "Maybe why?" he said "I want to make an art project out of the containers!" Adam and I just looked at each other and smiled! By now I was alone watching The Practice in between nod outs. Chris continued to dash in and out. At one point he stood at the foot of the bed with a LARGE card he'd made. He held it up and said "Mom, here's the card I made for Cori!" and I asked him if I could see it knowing full well I couldn't. IF ONLY I KNEW we only had hours left I would have scooped him up and hugged him tighter than I ever had and kissed him and told him how MUCH I loved him and how homored, proud and blessed I was to be his mother ....but I didn't know and I didn't. The last time I saw him that night he was trying on clothes for school. I guess trying to find the right outfit to give Cori her card. He came in the bedroom and stood in front of the mirror. He had on a biege sweater with a white T shirt underneath and his boxers. He was twisting ang tugging on the sweater and he asked me if I thought he'd lost too much weight. And I said "Oh no honey, I think you look just right." He said "well maybe I'll stop buying my shirts so big and he went to dash out of the room and I stopped him. That's when I asked him if he'd mind walking to school in the morning. And he very sweetly said, "Mom, if you help me with my drivers ed for one hour tomorrow night that will more than make up for me walking." And I agreed. If I live to be fory eight or a hundred and five and anyone asks me to reflect upon my life and they ask, "Any regrets?" I'll say "Only one, not driving my son to school on 11/20/00." Fran Kempa - Monday, November 19, 2001 at 11:11:06 (MST) Hey Chris, watch out tomorrow night. We'll be sending you a message. Look for the bright light at your corner, sending you all our love, thoughts and wishes. Cathie Vyse <Wysetalk> - Monday, November 19, 2001 at 06:10:26 (MST) sleep easy chris. doing my best to take good care of the ones who were close to you. I may not be filling any void but I'm doing what I can. I hope it makes things easier. sleep well. you're thought of often. *** - Monday, November 19, 2001 at 00:50:38 (MST) Every day that we're apart is one day closer to being back together!! I MISS you and LOVE you and ALWAYS will! I will tell my kids about you!!! Missing Chris BADLY!! - Sunday, November 18, 2001 at 23:16:09 (MST) I never feel the sun.... I never feel the rain.... All I feel is pain.... Since you've gone. My son I miss you so.... I never thought you'd go....Before me You are so loved.... You are so missed. Since You've Gone <By Floria Kelderhouse> - Sunday, November 18, 2001 at 22:50:04 (MST) Last night we had the saturday Cast party. I remember last years for Anne. Chris didn't go. I remember Scott asking why he wasn't there. Everyone wanted him there! Someone was gonna go by his house and pick him up but at the last moment decided not too because it was so late. I wish he'd been there. One last time to talk to him, to laugh with him. We all had so much fun that night, if only we knew how much our lives were going to change in two days. Even after a year I don't think things will ever be the same. I miss you kid. I always will. Janine <heartshappedboxx@aol.com> - Sunday, November 18, 2001 at 17:15:29 (MST) Fran~ It was so good to see you and Claudia last night at the show! We all loved the Jones Soda from Chris! It was a special way to bring us all together in the spirit of friends and family...the theatre is full of Chris memories and we miss him very much! Thank you for your amazing support and love...we are all sending hugs and strength your way this week and always! Ms. Hillman - Sunday, November 18, 2001 at 16:59:18 (MST) 11/18/01 I think this drawing is a zebra, Adam w. thinks it's a tiger. So I call it zebra, he calls it tiger. I love the way the stripes line up and the great curves. I have no idea when or why he drew it. I think it was one of his many doodles. The photo was taken in 1998 after Lady Cries Murder. That's me hugging the star. One year ago today I don't have many memories of. It was a Saturday, last night of the play, last weekend of his life. I worked that day. Adam agreed to drop Chris off at Franklin so Adam and I could eat dinner. We sat eating at the counter watching Chris gather up his video camera and other related play things. He was like a whilwind, rushing from room to room, seemed to be in such a hurry. He finally said his goodbyes on his way out the door and it was silent. Not two minutes later the door BURST open again. It was Chris in a rush. All he said was, "Forgot the Jones." He picked a Larry's bag off the chair and ran out the door. I can STILL hear the bottles clanking together as he left. He always brought the girls some Jones. When he got home that night I thought it was strange he again wasn't going to a cast party but didn't press him. He asked if Ron could spend the night. I said he could come over but couldn't spend the night. Chris and I both had to work Sunday. I think Ron did come over for awhile and they played video games in the basement. I think but I'm not sure. I went to bed. Last night Claudia and I went to the play No Crime Like The Present. Once again we were very impressed with the production and performances! Excellent job by all! And it was FUNNY! The girls got their Jones too. Only Chris didn't bring it this year, Claudia and I did. But he inspired us to do so! Fran Kempa - Sunday, November 18, 2001 at 10:39:05 (MST) Coming up on one year. I'll never forget that day. I was in my spanish class and our teacher told us the news...i was shocked i didn't think it was true. It was very strange for me because i saw chris the night before working at Larry's. I wish i would have said something to you that day.Chris your forever in my heart. I love and Miss You. melissa - Saturday, November 17, 2001 at 16:48:17 (MST) 11/17/01 I don't know why but I call this sketch Bat Toothed Man. And once again, no clue to the story behind it or when it was done. The picture was taken this time, 1998, Freshman year, backstage during the play Lady Cries Murder. It was the first and last time Chris was in front of the camera. After this play he was always involved, but on the other side of the camera. He was an extra, had no lines, was in two scenes.....but to me, he was the STAR! That's his dear friend Lauren Rossi in the foreground in the red hat. One year ago today I remember VIVIDLY like SO MANY days. 11/17/00 I can still picture myself at the gas pump filling up the van in preparation for the driving marathon I was about to embark upon. It was a Friday, Chris had his third (and last) class of drivers ed. from 4 - 6. I wasn't home five minutes and it was time to leave. On the way we talked about his projects at the Career Center and how EXCITED he was about starting computer animation and graphics on Monday 11/20! He knew he'd have a leg up on many of the students as a result of his vast experience in this area. He was anxious to impress....but he was also anxious to teach and assist. When I dropped him off at Bryant Center he seemed VERY ANXIOUS and worried that I'd be late picking him up. He had to be to Franklin early for the play. This was so unlike him so I tried to reassure him....and did these words ever come back to haunt me and still do. I said, "Chris, I'll pick you up where I'm dropping you off. I PROMISE I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU." I had NO IDEA in just three short days...when he needed me most, as he lay in the road dying ,I WASN'T THERE for him......I PROMISED! I picked him up and we went to Larry's to get his check and buy his Jones. From Larry's we went to Mcdonalds for a large choclate shake and then on to Franklin. As I dropped him off, I asked him if he thought I should go. He told me no, he thought I'd find it boring! He told me to wait until March for Peter Pan...he was going to try out for a part. In a way, I was relieved, I was in the midst of a cleaning frenzy in preparation for our Thanksgiving guests. I had the house to myself for a few hours and accomplished a lot....I had NO IDEA I was cleanig for my baby's funeral gathering. He came home around 10:30 and I was surprised when he said he wasn't going to a cast party. Adam was coming home from DC and I had to pick him up at the airport around 11:30. I asked Chris to ride along and he did....we had more time for WONDERFUL conversation, just the two of us. Shortly after we got home from the airport I went to bed because I was working the weekend. IF I ONLY KNEW ......THREE DAYS TO LIVE!!! But as my dear friend Caroline wrote me tonight, " He LOVED and LIVED to the fullest, that is what we should all try to achieve." And Chris DID IT! He figured it out LONG before most of us do.....some of us never do and that gives me great comfort! Fran Kempa - Friday, November 16, 2001 at 22:47:13 (MST) Hello fran and kathy,It was good to here from you all.If you or fran can go to my email address and give me your add dress so i can mail you mine.It will not let me in to you all email.I don't know why.Hope you all have a great night and weekend. November 16,2001 12.45 am nikki <nikkicutler> - Friday, November 16, 2001 at 22:42:56 (MST) I have been so touched to know that one of the balloons that we launched from our back deck on June 10th in remembrance of Christopher's 17th birthday was found, and we now have a new friend, from Washington, NC ...also known as "little Washington" by those of us in the Raleigh, NC area. Nikki, thank you so much for responding to the note you found in my balloon. GOD BLESS Kathy Putnam <mskatep@aol.com> - Friday, November 16, 2001 at 17:12:23 (MST) 11/16/01 This picture was drawn for Rich Greene as an example of the type of character Chris would create for the comic book Rich was going to write and Chris was going to illustrate. He called her India. I believe he drew it the summer before he was killed. Rich is lucky enough to still have it but kind enough to let us photograph it. The photo was taken in Oct. 2000 by Chris himself. For some reason he felt compelled to shoot at least one roll of film...all the pictures were of himself! I still believe that's another example of how maybe on some level he knew, and wanted to leave us these pictures....but he didn't know. One year ago today Chris was busy with the play. Thurs. the 16th was the matinee for the Emerson students and I decided to go Christmas shopping. I only went to Kohl's and only purchased three items. I bought two pair of khaki Dockers, one for Adam and one for Chris. Adam has been wearing his for months. Chris' are still in the Kohls bag in my closet where I put them 11/16/00. The third item I purchased was a hunter green damask table cloth for my fancy, festive Thanksgiving feast. It's still in it's original packaging in a drawer in the laundry room.....I don't think I'll EVER be able to use it. In the same drawer are the hunter green chair bows I purchased from a catalog for my Thanksgiving feast. They too remain in their original packaging never used. Travis Messinger brought over the Chris drawing tonight! It's of a boy wearing a santa hat. As soon as I saw it I knew it was a self portrait! Chris ALWAYS wore a Santa hat for about a month before Christmas!....I found the hat in his room the day he was killed...he was getting ready! It's not dated but it is signed in VERY FANCY cursive writing. Travis said it was from 5th or 6th grade. He said it's been hanging in his room ever since! He said his Mom was driving them somewhere that day and Chris kept drawing picture after picture. Unfortunatly that's the only one he saved but who knew! Adam will take a picture and we'll put it on the web site as Christmas approches. Fran Kempa - Thursday, November 15, 2001 at 23:02:25 (MST) To Joanne and Kathy,i tryed toemail your address but it would not let me.Iam so glad that you all email me back.please keep in touch.Iwas reading todays note and i saw where you wore telling some one about us and i saw that it said we wore from WASHINGTON DC.WE are from WASHINGTON NC.JUST WONT'ED YOU TO KNOW.I WOLD LIKE TO KNOW MORE ABOUT CHRIS.AND HIS FAMILY YOU ALL ARE NICE FROM WHAT WE CAN SEE.WE ARE SO GALD THAT WE FOUND THE BALLOON SO THAT WE WOULD KNOW ABOUT THIS.I DON'T KNOW CHRIS OR HIS FAMILY BUT THE EMAIL AND THE THINGS I HAVE BEEN READING MAKES ME CRY.WE ARE SO SORRY THAT THIS HAS HAPPEN.WE KNOW THAT YOUR FAMILY WILL MISS HIM ALOT.WE WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WERE CHRIS MOM IS?AND HOW IS FRAN KEMPA.SHE HAS WROTE ALOT OF NICE THINGS.PLEASE EMAIL ME BACK.AT nikkicutler@hotmail.com sent NOVEMBER 15,2001 AT 9.15 PM.HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A GOOD NIGHT. nikki cutler <nikkicutler@hotmail.com> - Thursday, November 15, 2001 at 19:11:56 (MST) Two VERY hard pieces of mail today....Chris received a letter from Maryland Institute College of Art. The letter began: Dear Chris, Last year at this time we asked art teachers from across the nation to give us the names of their most promising Junior students as part of our "Getting a Head Start" program. We are very pleased to inform you that your name was submitted to us. Because your art teacher has worked most closely with you and is a professional art educator, we trust that your nomination was an indication of above average talent, ability and ambition. The letter went on to explain the application and scholarship process. WE received a letter from RG & GR Harris funeral home telling us about their 12th annual SERVICE OF REMEMBERANCE and TREE LIGHTING CEREMONY on 12/3/01. And I thought as I read the two, THIS is what we should be doing, reveling in Chris' talent, narrowing down THE college for him. I shouldn't be planning candle light vigils and thinking about invitations from funeral homes for A SIXTEEN YEAR OLD! (17 year old)I can't tell you how much I STILL and ALWAYS WILL HATE THIS!!!!! Fran Kempa - Thursday, November 15, 2001 at 15:54:30 (MST) How very cool that one of our balloons from Chris's birthday balloon launch made it to Washington, D.C. I know Kathy will email Nikki Cutler to explain who Chris was and what an impact he had on all of our lives. Peace to all!!! JoAnne <jgvpri@aol.com> - Thursday, November 15, 2001 at 05:27:14 (MST) 11/15/01.....four more days to live....I WISH I KNEW! This a computer generated flyer Chris made for one of The Recital shows. I believe it was July 2000. The photo was taken Nov. 9th 2000 in Chicago at the pizza place after he carved his name into the table! Last year at this time Adam was in D.C. We were all rather relaxed as a result. Chris was gearing up for the matinee for the Emerson kids on Thurs. 11/16 and reminded me he didn't have to be to school until later...not to worry..he'd get a ride. He had completed his second day of drivers ed Wed 11/15..no driving, just class work. He had set up three more driving dates. Most UNFORTUNATLY ALL were for AFTER he was killed...he only drove once in drivers ed. I heard something on TV tonight about one of the WTC victims, another Chris. Someone said about their friend...."Chris, to know him was to love him." And did that ever ring true! You just couldn't help it....there was just something about him! Fran Kempa - Wednesday, November 14, 2001 at 22:50:07 (MST) I have never thought about someone so much in my life, and it never gets easier to think about him. I miss Chris, and we left a lot of things unsaid which I regret. But its too late for that now, so I will always remember him for the Sweet, wonderful, guy that he was. Also the one that could always be depended on. Sarah Perelli <Megabich9@aol.com> - Wednesday, November 14, 2001 at 20:22:06 (MST) we found a balloon and note by my husban tree stand on november 11,2001.the note was from someone named kathy.we would like to know more about chris.where he is from?and where this balloon and note from kathy came from.the balloon said happy birthday.please wright back to my email address.We would like to keep in touch.my email address is nikkicutler@hotmail.com this letter was sent on november 14,2001 @ 9.50pm.also we are from WASHINGTON N.C nikki <nikkicutler@hotmail.com> - Wednesday, November 14, 2001 at 19:49:52 (MST) 11/14/01 This is a quick pencil drawing Chris did to show what he thought Romeo looked like. I think it was Sophomore year....may have been Freshman...I'm not sure. The photo was taken the same day as yesterday's, Nov. 1986. The weather turned colder the longer we stayed out and the boys had to put on their jackets. That's Adam in the background on the swing. Travis Messinger E mailed Adam to say he has ANOTHER Chris drawing! He said it's of a guy in a Christmas hat...he wants to keep it but we can take a picture for the site! He's bringing it over Thurs. evening....can't wait to see it!! Even before Mon. Nov. 12th I have said over and over....November 20, 2000 to November 20, 2001 TRULY the WORST year I can EVER remember. SO MANY tragic events.....including ours. I work in a Nursing Home. The population of residents is MUCH older than I am. Those in their right mind agree, TRULY the worst year they can EVER remember. More incidents that hit home than during WWII. I thank everyone for the recent touching entries in the guestbook. I can't tell you how much this website and this guestbook have helped me through my LONG journey through grief! Fran Kempa - Tuesday, November 13, 2001 at 22:44:38 (MST) Everyone who knew Chris was, in my eyes, a fortunate individual. Some closer than others, however I know for a fact Chris appreciated everyone just the same...That's just how he was. I can remember at this time, not last year, rather the year before I used to drive Chris home from school. He would stand at the end of the hall by the art room with his hands in his pocket, his backpack and portfolio laying next to him. He would move his foot on the ground as if he were kicking something and as I passed he would look up at me wide eyed, like a little puppy. I knew that he was just being Chris and that that was his way of saying, "Can I get a ride" without having to say anything at all... I would laugh at these actions, grab his arm and lead him towards my car. It was NEVER an imposition to drive him home, in fact my brother and I enjoyed the company of Chris, he always had something new to share with us, whether it be a new tape he made or a story about his day, I will never forget those precious times with him. If it wasn't for my constant lectures from Chris I seriously don't think that I would be where I am today... Little Bro I live my life for you, I never told you this before but I always looked up to you, even though I am 3 years older than you, YOU were what I aspired to become...an artist, a poet, a friend, and a loved one. I loved having you in my life and always will. You are my muse, my angel, and my never ending hope. I will love you for as long as I live. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you and wish that you were here with us...but the reality is that you are not...not in body...but I feel you baby...here in spirit. You'll always be my family and I could never stop loving you! Your "sis" XOXOXO <sereana81@aol.com> - Tuesday, November 13, 2001 at 22:01:31 (MST) even though chris isn't with us any more, he will never leave our memories and hearts. Dan <dlatarski@aol.com> - Tuesday, November 13, 2001 at 20:07:01 (MST) 7 more days...the day that i wish would never come...but it is. almost one year, and everything at this time is coming back to me of what happened last year. so many happy days, but that ended after chris died, and what came next was days, weeks and months of sadness, anger and wondering why he was taken from us...i'm still wondering why is gone, why he had to leave. i know i might of not known chris as long as other people did, but out of the years that i've known him, he was and still is my closest and bestfriend i've ever had and i miss him. but i will light a candel with the rest of his family and friends in honor and memory of chris. i will always love chris as my bestfriend, i will always remember the time that i spent with him since 7th grade till the last day i saw him, i will always miss seeing chris, his always smiling face, laughter.....i will miss just him forever. i still cry just thinking about what happened, but it's still a slow process for me, his family and everybody else to heal from what happened on 11/20/00. I love and miss you kiddo. Love Always, Katie B. - Tuesday, November 13, 2001 at 18:39:56 (MST) orange cones....merriman.....sounds like nov 20 2000 i'll never forget that sight xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx <oooooooooooooo> - Tuesday, November 13, 2001 at 11:39:21 (MST) 11/13/01 I really like this drawing...I haven't given it a name yet and I don't know the story behind it. I think he was trying to say something like, it's not just what you see, it's what goes on in your head too. The photo was taken in November 1986. He started helping with the leaves at a very early age! That's a Star Wars sweatshirt he has on....he LOVED that sweatshirt then ,and always loved Star Wars...great special effects. One year ago today was a big day in Chris' life...first day of drivers ed at Bryant Center. When I picked him up he was talking away as he always did.....he couldn't BELIEVE they let him DRIVE on the street his first day!! He told me they had him drive around some orange cones in the parking lot first, then drive on to Merriman! He said, "Mom, my knees were SHAKING but I DID IT!" I could tell he was happy and proud. I said, "I know you had to be nervous, but aren't you GLAD you're doing this?" And he said, with a big smile, "YES I am!!" SO many fun, happy times! Today I did the leaves for HOURS by myself. I missed Chris. Not so much for the help but for the company, the conversation, the laughter and the joy. I can't begin to explain the loss. As I raked, I had the dogs with me. They were fun but it was not the same. And I thought, if I'm still writing on here next year....which is a big if....I won't be able to say, "Last year at this time....." There are no new Chris memories....they died on 11/20/00 along with him and to me, that is PROFOUNDLY SAD! Fran Kempa - Monday, November 12, 2001 at 23:19:49 (MST) Chris, I hope you knew while you were alive how much you were and are loved. Because I'm sure you know now. I'm very afraid sometimes that I wasn't the best friend to you that I could have been. I am forever grateful of the time we had and I hope we made the best of it. I miss you.The very essence of who you were is forever imprinted into me. I don't think anyone has had a greater effect on me thus far in my life. Thank you. I hope we meet again. Love always. <<<<>>>> <- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - > Livonia, Mi USA - Monday, November 12, 2001 at 21:21:14 (MST) Driving with Dana tonight, I finally realized that it's almost been a year. I remember this time during 2000 so vividly. Maybe because these were some of Chris' last days...maybe because the days leading to Chris' death were fairly good to me. For some reason the beginning of last school brought a lot of arguing with Chris and I. It was because were were trying to define where we stood in our relationship. I remember the day Chris got back from the Chicago trip. He told me that he bought me some presents. Chris and I were always determined to out-do eachother with presents for out birthdays. He gave me the Elliot Smith CD, a Get Up Kids CD, and the DVD Detroit Rock City in the three days after the trip. He told me that I was going to get a lot more as it got closer and closer to my birthday, (December 15). He told me not to open Detroit Rock City yet, because we were going to spend a day watching it together. So I didn't. We never got to watch the movie, and it is still sitting in my room, I haven't moved it. It is still in its wrapper. For some reason, I think I'm afraid to watch it. It seems like watching it was going to be a real bonding thing between Chris and I. And it never happened...so I thought I shouldn't do it without him. He got me the Get Up Kids CD, because it had to song Anne Arbour on it. That's where Chris and I wanted to move to when we graduated. Ann Arbor. We were going to do it too, it was our dream. One lyric in the song says "Last winter Anne Arbour was all I had." And I realized that last winter the memory of Ann Arbor was all that I had. I will never get to see that dream come true, because I wouldn't do it without Chris. As the shows for the play started, we argued less and less. I remember that Chris and I sat in the theater after the matinee for the Emerson kids, and he drew on programs for me. I remember the next night when he brought Dana and I Jones Soda. He brought them for us the next night also. I was dissapointed because he said he couldn't go to the cast party because he had to work the next day. For the Saturday show Chris also brought Dana and I Jones'. I remember him stopping me while I was in the middle of a conversation, and saying "Listen to this, This makes me Happy." it was that song that goes "You've go to admit it's getting better, getting better all the time.." he laughed, said that he loved that song, and went on his way. Sunday night, the day before Chris died, we had a long talk on the phone, which was good. We needed it. He sort of defined where we were, which we also needed. I told Chris how important he was to me, and how much I appreciated him. No one can ever imagine how happy I am that I said that now. Corinne <Curcusenvy@aol.com> - Monday, November 12, 2001 at 21:05:53 (MST)