4/30/03...Same RAINEYE art and 1995 beach pic as yesterday. On Easter Sunday, a former coworker came to the facility to visit and conduct a church activity on a voluntary basis. Before Chris was killed, I had had a decent working relationship with her and her department....activities... On Easter, she told me that sometimes, when she closes her eyes, she still sees the expression on my face as I walked out of the church on 11/25/00 after Chris' funeral.. with an Adam on each side holding me up...she said it wasn't a pretty picture and one that haunts her to this day. I told her I think my situation still haunts her because she has two boys just like me and it scares her to think what COULD happen....She agreed...... Fran Kempa - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 22:48:12 (MDT) The "Raineye" art is currently owned by Paula Smykla. joe.cwik - Tuesday, April 29, 2003 at 08:26:29 (MDT) 4/29/03...The art we call RAINEYE. It's another we never knew existed until after Chris was killed. He had given it to one of his friends and they were kind enough to let us take a picture of it for the site...unfortunatly, I don't remember which friend. The photo is the last of the newly discovered beach pics from 1995...Chris and his beloved Sunkist kayak! I love this time of year...you don't need heat, you don't need air, you can just open the windows and feel that wonderful breeze and smell the spring air chasing out all the staleness of winter. When I came home from work Monday, I went up into our new family room...the room Chris never knew but had SO many plans for!...I opened the door wall and windows and sat on the couch, enjoying the breeze...soon, there was a beagle next to me. I put my arm around him and without thinking said, "Isn't this heavenly?" And then I thought ...heaven has got to be much more than this,...Chris is up there! Another exerpt from my current grief book, page 75... ....I don't remember much of that first year after his death. I didn't feel part of the human race. It was like I was on the outside looking in on it. My heart physically hurt. I felt like I had a hole in my soul. For the first six months I would open my eyes in the morning, so disappointed I was still alive. The pain was so deep I did not want to live, even though my daughter, two years younger, needed me. Most nights I could not sleep. I kept replaying everything that had happened, the pain, the agony, the vision of what they looked like afterwards.... Fran Kempa - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 22:41:18 (MDT) 4/28/03...The art and the photo are the same as yesterday. Another excerpt from my current grief book, page 72.. ...In The Compassionate Friends she has found understanding, friendship and support from other bereaved parents. There she has learned that feeling such acute pain, helplessness and "what ifs" are not unusual for most families. They are the norm... Fran Kempa - Monday, April 28, 2003 at 15:39:29 (MDT) 4/27/03...The art is one we found long after Chris was killed. It's one of the ones he threw out the night of 11/19/00. We found it along with others in the garbage bag we saved and had the strength to go through in March, 2001. The photo was taken on April 13th 2001 in Grand Rapids during one of the benefit shows for the Chris Art Scholarship. This one was totally organized by Cyndi Lareau pictured on the right. Another excerpt from the book, I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SAYING GOOD-BYE. Page 71... ...Grief can be so disabling, it can take years to get the courage to even face the possibility that you will survive. You have lost part of yourself; you have lost your future. When your child is torn from you, you change. You find a way to live your life without your child as Maxine did, yet you want to feel the child in everything you do. So you reassemble a world in which you can live... Fran Kempa - Sunday, April 27, 2003 at 13:49:38 (MDT) please would you send me some pictures of Eve martina bwalya <marhtinez04@yahoo.com> - Sunday, April 27, 2003 at 10:04:40 (MDT) 4/26/03...Same POOPIE art and Franklin art department photo as yesterday. WE raked the pool yard today. That was very depressing. A yard that was once so beautiful and full of almost every type of flower imaginable and so full of FUN, reeling from two years of neglect. Some day maybe, we'll bring it back, but I wonder. Forrest Gump was on TV tonight, I couldn't watch it. Chris LOVED that movie. It was one of many we saw together as a family. For a long time afterward, Chris would talk like Forrest. He did a good job! I was so happy to see Chris' memorial tree in Mies Park has many buds on it! We were worried last year about it getting enough water but it obviously did. Tomorrow I want to take pansies to the Memorial and visit the Cemetary. Soon it will be time to chose the THIRD recipient of the Chris Kempa Memorial Art Scholarship and the third annual Chris Fest will be rolling around! It's so hard to believe! While Chris is on our mind and his memory part of our discussions several times a day, HE'S NOT here! When I said the other day it seemed like a minute ago, I was referring to his death.....his life seems forever ago....SO many things are getting harder, and harder to remember and that's very sad. Fran Kempa - Saturday, April 26, 2003 at 19:52:08 (MDT) 4/25/03...The art is one of the many whimsical drawings Chris did on his school papers. We call this one POOPIE because of the T shirt...No clue as to when or why he drew POOPIE. The photo was taken in Sophomore year, August,1999, to June of 2000. It shows Chris in the back right, hard at work on a drawing or some "project" in the Franklin art department. That's Paul Grabowski in the front...I have no idea who the girl in white is. Another excerpt from the book, I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SAYING GOOD-BYE by Sandy Fox. While there is SO much more to this book than the excerpts I put here, I am only putting the ones that ring true...that hit home so hard I could have written them myself..this one from page 69, the chapter titiled MATTHEW.... "I don't recall in detail how I got through those initial years of grief. I do know that it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Many people comment that at least we all had each other. But we didn't. Each of us was grieving separately, not as a family unit. This is to be expected, since each of us is different and each of us had our own unique relationship with Matt. I was paralyzed by my own grief, oblivious to my family's needs... " Fran Kempa - Friday, April 25, 2003 at 16:41:35 (MDT) Office Depot, Delray Beach, United States 24 April <18;10> - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 18:00:57 (MDT) WOW!!!!!!!I'mcool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!THEEND Desiree <-----------------------------------------------------------------------> -----------------------, ----------------------- Canada - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 16:09:56 (MDT) 4/24/03...Same computer animation art..PIKA, and recently discovered beach pic from 1995. This afternoon while at work, one of our former nurses contacted me. We had worked together on and off for a few years, then in about 1998, she decided to retire, to concentrate on her three children. The last time I saw and spoke to her was one of the days of Chris' wake. She and her husband remembered and came...like SO many. She may be interested in returning to work, which would be such a plus for us! During our conversation, she asked how I was doing in a couple different ways. She then said something like, "I think about you often and wonder how you're doing it ....because I NEVER could." I told her that's how I used to feel prior to 11/20/00...."If one of my kids died...so would I." But I found I did go on..I "function"..Nothing even close to how I felt and lived before Chris was killed. I told her that to most people, it's been almost two and a half YEARS, but to me it seems like a minute ago..like yesterday. Another excerpt from the book, I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SAYING Good-BYE by Sandy Fox, page 68, under OTHER PARENTS' STORIES, MATTHEW... ... In the years before Matthew died, whenever I heard about a child that had died, my heart ached for his or her parents. I could never imagine how any individual could go on living after such a tragedy. I just knew from deep within my being, that nothing could be worse than this. Yet, until I had to endure it myself, I never realized the depth of this pain. When Matthew first died, I just didn't know how I would be able to go on living. But I did. And I've continued to live. It's not the same living as before his death, but I am alive and I do function in what I describe as an altered state... Fran Kempa - Thursday, April 24, 2003 at 16:05:59 (MDT) Today's picture shows one of our water activities at the cottage. I believe the game being played was called "Sink the Deady" The "Deady" was always our neighbor Bill Deady. The game was simple, tip over the boat that Mr. Deady occupied. It was great fun and became a tradition. In the picture you can see Adam William stalking Mr. Deady with Chris close behind in the orange "Sunkist" boat. Good days in the past. Dad <<<<<<>>>>>> - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 15:19:27 (MDT) 4/23/03...The art is one of Chris' first computer animations. He called him PIKA. He made him on 11/12/98. The photo is another recent find from 1995. It depicts a ritual that took place every year we were at the beach. That's Bill Deady, Adam and Chris. Every year we went, the Deady's were at their Grandma's cottage just two doors down the same week. I don't even remember how it started. The first year we were there, Mr. Deady challanged the boys to a boat race...to even the field, he he didn't use any oars, just his arms...and he won every time! There were many crys for a "rematch!"... and many were held during the week but he always won! After the first year it became a tradition...had to have that race with Mr. Deady! Caleb and Michael Deady participated as well. Fun, fun times! The ducks were swimming in the pool cover this morning when I let the dogs out. Chris loved that! Speck quickly chased them away. Another excerpt from the book, I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SAYING GOOD-BYE that really hit home. On page 41.. ...Since Marcy's death I have a harder time focusing on tasks. I can't concentrate for a long period of time. Something happened to me in the process of her death.... Fran Kempa - Wednesday, April 23, 2003 at 15:02:26 (MDT) Mrs. Kempa, It's VERY possible that robin was Chris! You seem so unsure now. I have been a viewer since the wonderful start. During the first year after Chris' death, you seemed open and very much available to the signs. I think the robin WAS one. I'm sad you didn't get it. Mary Saia <Westland> - Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 22:24:29 (MDT) 4/22/03...Same front of a note to Jen Gossett from 1998, same beautiful beach pic from 1995. This afternoon as I folded laundy, a robin landed on a fence post a few feet away from the laundry room window and just stared at me. He then flew into the pine tree in front of the window so all that seperated us was the glass and he continued staring. At first I thought that was odd behavior for a bird. Then, for a brief moment, I found myself wondering if that was Chris coming to say hello! ...And a moment later thinking, "You're hoping this is your child....coming to you in the form of a ROBIN to say hello!...how pathetic!" But it did make me feel good for a brief second! Another excerpt from the book, I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SAYING GOOD-BYE. From page 40, chapter 6 titled, Personal Thoughts From Marcy's Father, Jess. I couldn't cry. It wasn't real. For two days I was just numb. I functioned, made all the funeral arrangements, was doing what I needed to do next, but all while in a stupor. It was not until I went to Marcy's old apartment where all her friends had gathered two days later and put my arms around Lynn, her best friend, did the release come. Then I cried and cried. Still today, when alone in my car driving or talking to anyone who knew her, my eyes fill with tears.... Fran Kempa - Tuesday, April 22, 2003 at 16:33:34 (MDT) 4/21/03..The "art" is the last remaining Jen Gossett recently discovered remnant of Chris. In her Email, she described it like this,..... "The "Chris" with the smiley face was on the front of the note. It was kinda funny, he wrote the note to me but put his name on the front, where usually the sender would have put the name of the recipient, I thought it was cool! :)." The photo is another of our recently developed beach pics from we believe, 1995....Chris and Caleb Deady, searching the beach for rocks and shells. I wish the pictures on the computer could capture the VASTNESS of Lake Huron as the photos in person do....we had the WHOLE lake to ourselves!....it wasn't like a metropark beach....where you were all strangers jammed together..it was a GREAT LAKE...and we had it, and all the awesomeness of it to ourselves!...Chris LOVED it! We had a "nice" Easter this year without Chris....I won't go so far as to say good or happy...."Nice.".... I worked from 6:30 til 3. Besides my many routine work chores, I helped a lot of elderly people enjoy their Easter as well, and that felt good. When I came home I called my parents and sister....Things are looking up for Molly I'm happy to say and she credits Chris with much of that! My mother brought Chris up in conversation before I did. She stated at one point, "Not only was he a person, but he was a PERSONALITY....one that I MISS so much!".... Which made me go back in time and remember what one of our next door neighbors said about Chris shortly after he was killed...."We had this JEWEL living right next door, and we never even knew it!" Which made me think, but not express at the time, "You didn't have a jewel....you had a TREASURE!!" In spite of my parent's ages and definate, acknowledged, bouts with memory problems, both recalled how Easter of 2000 was one of the last times they "experienced" Chris, and how IMPRESSED they were as a result!! We enjoyed a wonderful dinner with our dear friends, Brad and Claudia. I tried to express to them... and I hope they knew, ideally, I would have much preferred to be home, having Easter dinner with my CHILDREN....but since that was IMPOSSIBLE,....I was SO happy for the invitation, the company, and all the warm feelings we experienced as a result....Good food, good friends, good music and conversation!....a MUCH better result had we sat home alone...Adam and Sarah joined us later in the evening....Chris would have LOVED Sarah, and I have NO doubt, Sarah would have LOVED Chris! Another excerpt from the book, I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SAYING GOOD-BYE by Sandy Fox.....this one from page 39 under the heading, MY PRAYER.... "I now know what real tragedy is. I understand the unbearable pain and that it will always be with me. I understand how people react to you and your pain. I am comforted from those who remember Marcy each day, each month, each year....friends of mine, friends of Marcy's. They are not afraid to mention her name. I have made them feel comfortable knowing I want them to always be a part of my life. Notes, letters and thoughts are always appreciated from those far away, and I answer all of them......I know now it's okay to laugh when I feel it's appropriate, amd cry whenever appropriate. I no longer feel as though I'm betraying Marcy's memory when I have a good day full of laughter, shared with friends and family. In the shadow of my loss, I know I am not alone in my pain. This gives me the strength and courage to forge ahead..... Fran Kempa - Monday, April 21, 2003 at 17:38:48 (MDT) Happy Easter Chris. Dad <<<<<<>>>>>> - Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 21:25:55 (MDT) 4/19/03...We call this drawing ORANGE. I believe it was another one done on a school paper. The photo was taken in September, 1993 fourth grade. As I walked into work this morning I noticed what I thought to be a clump of mud in my path. As I walked around it, it hopped! It was a frog. I couldn't imagine how it got there but it made me think of Chris and how much he loved frogs. In 1995 and 1996 he was VERY interested in putting a pond in the pool yard so he could attract frogs.. but we never did. A pond wasn't high on our priority list then. And when the next summer rolled around, it wasn't high on his either. The following is an excerpt from page 32 of the book, I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SAYING GOOD-BYE under the heading, HOLIDAYS... Holidays are a very difficult time, especially Thanksgiving. It was the last holiday that we were all together as a family and when that time of year comes around, invitations come our way. We go, because not to go is to acknowledge our grief, and I want my grief to be private now. Stories about marriages, laughter at someone who recently divorced or won an honor, all abound at the dinner table from from relatives and the children. But my mind is not there. My mind focuses on how Marcy can't enjoy this, how she would love to be here chatting with her cousins and their children, telling her own stories about successes or failures she has had.....I want to talk about her, and I want them to talk about her. She will always be alive to me, and I want to keep her memory alive for others. They are all afraid though. I explain, to the relief of most friends and relatives, how important it is for me to have them talk about her. She will always be a part of my life, and if I can only enjoy the memories, I will at least have that. They breathe a sigh of relief and the once tense atmosphere is now clear... Fran Kempa - Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 15:09:00 (MDT) Thinking of you all this Easter season.....as we do every day. Much love, Jo, Bill and Billy JoAnne <jgvpri@adelphia.net> USA - Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 12:50:35 (MDT) Miss you always.... Dad <<<<<<>>>>>> - Saturday, April 19, 2003 at 09:13:28 (MDT) happy easter chris i still mis you and will never forget you Chris knows who - Friday, April 18, 2003 at 22:22:36 (MDT) How many times have I woke on an Easter morning and smiled, knowing that the baskets were all set, the eggs dyed and new clothes were waiting? How many times have I watched with joy as the little hands reached for chocolate bunnies and jellybeans? The joy of those mornings will forever be etched in memory, sitting, waiting for a time to be brought to remembrance. The children are grown now, except one, who is forever frozen in time. The egg dye has been put away, the baskets hid in the attic with all the other keepable things from holidays and special events. The children now have children and they go on their way in life, except one, who is forever frozen in time. The new clothes to be worn are now packed away in storage boxes filled with moth balls, hoping to be kept forever, never to be worn by one gone from my sight. The waking hours of that Easter morn are didderent now. No longer do I lie in my bed and wait for those sounds of joy and laughter coming down the hall. The children are all grown now, except one, and she is gone from me. She was too old for childish things, stuffed bunnies and jellybeans, yet too young to give it all up. "Just one more year Mama, let me hold on to my youth and enjoy the wonders of that day", she said. Just one more year. Now she is gone, forever frozen in time, and her memory is engraved in my mind. "Just one more time".... In Memory of Ashley 1/31/78 10/22/96 <Barbara Stockwell TCF Snellville, Ga.> - Friday, April 18, 2003 at 15:30:05 (MDT) 4/17/03...The Einstein drawing was done in October 2000. It's the one he did at my request because he was so deep into computer animation at the time.... Another altered eye. The photo is another recent discovery from 1995. Adam, Scott and Chris on the beach. It's hard to believe this will be our third Easter with out Chris. While all of the holidays are hard for their own reasons, Easter will always be in my mind the last major holiday we spent as a family. I'm working again this year for the fourth year in a row...I only regret working in 2000..if only I'd known it was his last. I did the baskets and bunnies and they had to hunt for them..I have those memories of these two big boys both over 6 feet tall, competing for their baskets! It was very comical! I know I would repeat the tradition Sunday if Chris was still here, but the tradition ended when Chris did. Having Adam and Chris do it together was what it was all about. I did buy some Rescee peanut butter eggs though but there will be no baskets or bunnies. Another excerpt from the book, I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SAYING GOOBYE page 29..... "I have always held the philosophy that everything has a reason for happening and in many circumstances it has kept me going after a sickness, a death, an accident. But this...this child's death, could not possibly have a reason. Is God that cruel that he takes from us the thing we love the most at the worst time, in the worst way? This can't be happening. This happens to other people, not me. I know my broken heart will never heal, but that I am a survivor and to my surprise at times, can endure most anything. The worst has already happened. Nothing can ever be as bad." Fran Kempa - Thursday, April 17, 2003 at 17:46:05 (MDT) 4/16/03...Same Jen Gossett drawing and cottage pic as yesterday. I worked with Connie today. I hadn't seen her for a few weeks. We talked for a long time. She's dealing with the roller coaster of emotions right now, exactly two months after her son's death. I told her that the length of time in between will become longer, but after almost two and a half years, I still have some HORRIBLE Chris days and I don't see that ever changing. She told me she was starting to forget her son's voice and I said sadly, that was the first thing I forgot and I was so surprised at how quickly that happened. She said one day soon she was going to take all of her videos of her son, lock the door, and just watch them for hours...as hard as that would be, she has a need at this point to see him alive again. I told her I have that need too, but most unfortunatly, we have very few videos of Chris...she is VERY lucky! She told me she is writing in a journal every day and I told her that was very helpful....I don't know if she knows about this web page, but I didn't ask her today. Yesterday's mail contained our invitation to the College for Creative Studies student exhibition opening Fri. May 16th.... That drew a very HEAVY Chris sigh...It made me wonder not only if his dream and goal would have been realized...he'd be a student there this year, but if his works would have been exhibited. Once again, since I get to finish his life for him, I have no doubt in my heart he would have been there and if he was good enough to be exhibited as a summer student in 2000, he WOULD have been exhibited this year....another of many things that comes under the heading of LONGING for the should have beens... The following is another excerpt from the book I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SAYING GOODBYE by Sandy Fox. Page 29, still under the heading, A DIFFERENT LIFE ..."It is a feeling no one who has not gone through this could possibly ever understand. Others can empathize with you, but they do not, nor ever could, understand the feelings you have suffered and will always suffer for the rest of your life. The pain subsides with time. It gets a little better as the years go on, but it never goes away completely. You are always left with an emptiness in your heart and mind of what could have been, what should have been...... Fran Kempa - Wednesday, April 16, 2003 at 15:59:03 (MDT) Miss you always... Dad <<<<<<>>>>>> - Tuesday, April 15, 2003 at 23:03:04 (MDT) Happy Birthday Speck! WOOF - Tuesday, April 15, 2003 at 22:07:14 (MDT) A YEAR OF GRIEF It has been a year since you went away. Time goes by so slowly. I never knew so much pain, along with fear and emptiness, could be felt by anyone. Your death has sent me into a darkness and void that words can't describe. I never knew I could cry 'til there were no more tears, but these came unannounced. The price of loving a brother as special as you will take me a lifetime to pay. My pain hasn't been for me only, for friends don't want to see the cost of loving and losing. They say, get on with your life, but they don't understand how a big part of my life you were. So I will take my pain, along with my special memories, and live day by day. These memories from happier days are all I have of you now. So I will place them first in my heart. If I was given a choice, knowing the pain and devastation that I feel today, I would still want you to be my brother to love...for memories can't be taken away... Greta Sharpe <TCF, Andafusia, Al.> - Tuesday, April 15, 2003 at 16:44:38 (MDT) 4/15/03...The art is one of the recently discovered Jen Gossett finds! In her E mail, she summed it up this way,.."The drawing of the hand and wrist with a wrist watch holding up a person on the sidewalk under a big umbrella is one he did for me when I went to visit him on one of his breaks at Foodland. I was having a bad day so he took my notebook and drew this for me. He admitted that it was his wrist and hand holding me up. I think John Bailey was with us at the time. Chris helped me through a lot of hard times and is a big part of who I am today. Thank you for sharing him with me. God bless and I hope these help Chris to be remembered as the awesome guy he was." :)'s jEn GossEtt! The photo is another newly developed from 1995 beach pic. Both boys are readying their boats for some SERIOUS sailing! I can tell because they both have on their jackets. If they stayed within a few feet of the shore and my rescue, they didn't need them...an inch further and they couldn't move until they were on! Fran Kempa - Monday, April 14, 2003 at 22:36:32 (MDT) I rad your message in the compassionate friends, and was curious about the web site. It's a lovely memorial. My son was killed in a car accident on Nov7th 01. He was 21 and an American living in Australia. His nick name was CAL ( he was from California). I look in the TCF just to see what people are writing. He was my one and only and myn heart is totally broken. I know and feel your pain. judy gillon <judygillon@yahoo.com.> - Monday, April 14, 2003 at 22:26:35 (MDT) 4/14/03...Same John Lennon and beach pic as yesterday. This weekend we started our outdoor spring clean up, washed some windows and raked part of the yards. I couldn't help remember all the years we did it together, usually the three of us, me and the boys. They always grumbled about the spring raking more than the fall. I think in the fall they could see the abundance of leaves and realized it had to be done but in the spring the question always was, "Why do we have to do this again...we just did it in the fall!" I always replied, "it's good for the lawn." As a result, Adam decided he wasn't going to have ANY grass and Chris decided he'd have grass...but have someone else take care of it...and so it went, grumbling while reluctantly raking, but they ALWAYS helped me. I couldn't help wonder if Chris would have helped me this year...I kind of doubt it! I took the poinsetta off the porch Sat...that NEVER would have stayed out there this long before 11/20/00... But I just don't care about that anymore. It was pink, it added color to the porch so it stayed. Sat evening I put my Easter greeting card in the frame in the downstairs bathroom and told Adam, "there, now you can't say we're not decorated!" Speck will be two on Wed.! The time is speeding by. We will have a party for him! The following is an excerpt from page 28 of the book I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SAYING GOODBYE by Sandy Fox. The first paragraph under the heading, A DIFFERENT LIFE When your child dies, you change. The person you were before is gone. The life you had before is no longer possible. You rebuild, with different expectations, with different responses. You learn to have fun again, albeit, in a different way. You learn it is Okay to grieve whenever and whereever you want and not feel ashamed of your feelings. You know your heart will ALWAYS be broken, but you are a survivor....for now anyway. Fran Kempa - Monday, April 14, 2003 at 15:40:54 (MDT) 4/13/03...The painting is one we call LENNON. It is one of three works Chris did of John Lennon using three diferent mediums...He LOVED John Lennon! The photo is another recently discovered beach pic. By the time we sat down for dinner Sat. night, just the two of us...at about 7:45, I realized and commented to Adam that we hadn't received one phone call all day! He replied something like, "do you really mind?" And I said no...it just made me think back to before Adam had a cell phone and when Chris was still alive....the phone seemed to ring every minute! For some reason, it struck me as strange....which made me focus on the phone. We purchased the kitchen phone a few months before Chris was killed. Even it's technology is way above my head so we had Adam W. program it for us. Mail box 1 is Adam F. and me, mail box 2 is Adam W. and mail box 3 was Chris. When I looked up at the phone tonight, red lights were/are lit up for #1 and 2 to indicate saved messages...but not for mail box 3...and when I pressed it, the little computer voice said, "Mail box 3, you have no messages"...which is true. The following is another excerpt I can relate to from the book, I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SAYING GOODBYE by Sandy Fox..."God," I would say to myself, "Am I lucky. What did I ever do to deserve such a great kid?" I anguished with other mothers as their kids ran away from home, stayed out all night or shoplifted from the local Walgreens. But it was hard for me to relate to their problems. Fran Kempa - Saturday, April 12, 2003 at 22:55:48 (MDT) When someone you love becomes a memory, their memory becomes your treasure. XOXO - Saturday, April 12, 2003 at 15:12:01 (MDT) 4/12/03...The art is the same FACE and the photo is the same beach picture from yesterday. Last night a group of kids gathered at our house before going out together...Scott was among them. I couldn't help wishing Chris was still here...I wonder if he did too. It must be a very strange feeling for him to be in the house of one of his best friends, a house he's been in hundreds of times...but his friend isn't here any more, and hasn't been since 11/20/00.. Fran Kempa - Saturday, April 12, 2003 at 09:29:30 (MDT) My tears feel warm on my cheeks now.....not burning hot. Is this a sign I'm "Getting Better?"When I cry now I am most often alone...in the car, or in the shower, or sometimes taking a walk. I do not cry in public or feel as much panic... Is this a sign I'm "Getting Better?" I sleep the night through sometimes ...and awaken without tears...for a while... They come now while I'm brushing my teeth...or making Coffee... And always gone before I say, "GOOD MORNING!" Is this a sign I'm "Getting Better?" I am able to hug again... And laugh and read and eat... Is this a sign I'm "Getting Better?" Yes, I think so...but when does the pain end? Perhaps when I no longer ask.. Is this a sign I'm "Getting Better?" Getting Better? <Shirley Blakely Carrie TCF, Little Rock, Ar.> - Friday, April 11, 2003 at 17:03:01 (MDT) I enjoyed the picture today... A photo of much better times... Miss you always..... Dad <<<<<<>>>>>> - Friday, April 11, 2003 at 14:21:22 (MDT) 4/11/03..The art is a very interesting one we call FACE...No clue to the story behind it. The photo is another recently developed beach pic from we beliive, 1995. Adam in his boat and Chris in his SUNKIST kayak that he loved SO much! Every summer for years, when he wasn't using it at the beach, he was using it in the pool! The following is another passage from the book, I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SAYING GOODBYE by Sandy Fox, this is from the Prologue...."And then from the depth of my soul a scream so guttural, more like an animal that had been caught for the kill, worked it's way to the top and exploded from my mouth over and over again." I can SO relae to this statement. Almost from the moment I was told Chris was dead....for a long time after, I began experiencing an uncontrolled sigh, followed by a noise I had never made before or have made since....I often referred to it as my "animal noises" I think Sandy describes it best, "Guttural" In some ways, shortly after Chris was killed, his death became an exercise in SCREAMING! I screamed often while driving the car and often while standing in front of the fireplace. I honestly don't think I had ever screamed like that before ...but it helped....To this day, once in a while while driving.....I SCREAM! Fran Kempa - Thursday, April 10, 2003 at 22:30:16 (MDT) I need some practice questions for nursing Janice Westmorland <Pru366@yahoo.com> - Wednesday, April 09, 2003 at 15:52:05 (MDT) We Remember Them In the rising of the sun and in it's going down, We remember them; In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter, We remember them; In the opening of buds and in the warmth of summer, We remember them; In the rustling of leaves and the beauty of autumn, We remember them; In the beginning of the year and when it ends, We remember them; When we are weary and in need of strength, We remember them; When we are lost and sick at heart, We remember them; When we have joys we yearn to share, We remember them; So long as we live, they too shall live, for they are now a part of us as We remember them. From Gates of Prayer <Reform Judaism Prayerbook> - Wednesday, April 09, 2003 at 10:21:31 (MDT) 4/9/03...The "art" is the recently discovered note to Jen Gossett from Chris in what she remembers to be, 1998. In her E mail she described it as follows, "The note is one he gave me to get me to come to his hockey game/practice that he was really EXCITED about...it was on a Sunday." This note is so typical Chris....EVERYTHING he did, he personalized. Notice in the upper left corner is the tip of a hockey stick and a puck...the guy below, I don't know! The photo is another recently developed beach pic from we believe 1995. It's a picture of Chris in his fish pants to the left and Scott Allen to the right, working very hard together to build a most awesome castle....and they did! They both worked together over the years in various aspects....mainly art and music. As I sit here today, I HONESTLY believe with all of their combined talents, Chris, Adam, Scott and Ryan...I see Caleb in there too...would have done some GREAT things together...but we'll never know. I said months ago, since Chris didn't get to finish his life, I get to finish it for him and that is what I know in my heart would have, could have, SHOULD have been! Fran Kempa - Tuesday, April 08, 2003 at 22:30:04 (MDT) 4/8/03...The art is the same CRY and the photo is the same 1995 beach picture as yesterday. The following is another excerpt from the book, I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SAYING GOODBYE by Sandy Fox...."Although all the parents interviewed are different, some commonalities exist: (1) all want to leave memorials of some type to honor their child, (2) all chose to find a cause, a reason to move on with their lives and spoke of how they would live those lives, (3) all believe everyone grieves differently and at different rates, and that as painful as it is, it is important to go through this process to come to terms with the reality of the loss, (4) all of them know they will have setbacks, and/or a rush of emotions that can be overwhelming when they might least expect it; it does not mean they will not heal, and (5) all believe they are different people now than they were when their child was alive; they have different goals; different friends; different priorities; and a life with a new richness to it that focuses on what our children left us...the gift of having them." I think I see now why Sandy wanted to interview parents only after five years and up. After almost two and a half years, I agree with most of what she writes in this excerpt but not all...maybe I just haven't gotten there yet. In a way, #1 made me laugh! After all the mocking and nastiness we had to take as a result of the memorial.... but I know very few people were responsible for that... and most were related. #2 is so very true, I identified my cause(s) early on...about 7 months after Chris was killed. I am very ANXIOUS to begin my campaign. #3 I find very true as well. #4 kind of scares me! I know I continue to have flashbacks and overwhelming, incapacitating emotions at ANY given moment...but these people were interviewed at no less than FIVE YEARS and more! Just as I suspected but didn't really want to admit...it's a life long process. These horrible moments won't end until I do! I can relate to parts of #5...but parts I can't. I am a TOTALLY different person from the one I was 11/19/00..and once again this experience ...and ALL that's followed and continues did NOT change me for the better...I even dislike parts of me now...and I HATE it!! Yes I have different gaols...how could they POSSIBLY be the same when half of the reason for doing all that I do...for living, is gone? I am so happy to say my friends haven't changed! If anything, not only do I still enjoy the same friendships...but as a result of this tragedy, I have developed new ones and strengthened some old ones! Different priorities YES! NOTHING matters except Adam William...his future and happiness. I guess the last line is the part I haven't reached yet. While I am SO aware of ALL the things Chris left SO many...his works...his life lessons, I am not to the point where I can simply say, "My life is so rich because I had him."...Which I FIRMLY believe, I am still at the point where I say, "My life is SO rich because I had him...and I wish to God I still did."....And at this point, I don't see that EVER changing. Fran Kempa - Tuesday, April 08, 2003 at 17:28:06 (MDT) What a beautiful picture of a beautiful, beautiful boy! Mary Saia <Westland> - Monday, April 07, 2003 at 19:59:52 (MDT) I was watching a story yesterday about a young basketball star we died under much different circumstances. One thing they said about him made me think of Chris and 11/20/00. "A young man with his potential, a life lost, it was devastating!" A Former Franklin Parent - Monday, April 07, 2003 at 13:17:19 (MDT) 4/7/03...We call this drawing CRY. I wish I knew the story behind it. If it wasn't so sad, it would be one of my favorites. It reminds me of a grief song I found on line months ago titled, I CAN'T CRY HARD ENOUGH. The title certainly applies for the first several months...and some days, it STILL applies. I don't search on line for grief related things any more, is that progress?? The photo is one of the recently developed beach photos from 1995 we think. ...I LOVE this picture! In person, the 5" print is even better. It shows Chris with so many things he LOVED. He's looking out into Lake Huron, he is wearing his loved "fish pants", and he has a dog with him. This golden lived about three cottages down but often came and played with the kids. We never brought Charlie with us until the last two years. I think the golden helped Chris deal with missing Charlie....Chris called him, "the beach dog!" Fran Kempa - Sunday, April 06, 2003 at 22:49:12 (MDT) 4/6/03...Same crystal ball/ eye drawing and first day of school photo from 1990 as yesterday. Yesterday, I was telling a coworker from India about our recently developed pictures of Chris. Over the years she had heard me rave about the beach, the beauty and the FUN, and how much the kids and everyone we invited to join us LOVED it! She asked me to bring all the pictures into work so she could see them. I brought the beach pictures and the Homecoming pictures...the roll of film chris shot I left home, but I told her about it. When we got to work at 6:30 she saw the photo envelope sticking out of my purse and wanted to see them right away! We sat down and looked at the beach pictures first, then the Homecoming pictures. As we were looking at the Homecoming pictures, the midnight nurse came back to the desk to do her charting. As Jaz and I talked, she joined the conversation, "You said these were developed last week but were taken in 1998?!" And I said, "yes" As she looked at a picture of Scott and Chris in their suits in front of the Allen house she sais, "How old IS your son there?" I replied, "14" She replied, "And how old IS he now?" I replied, "16." I noted the puzzled look on her face as she did the mental math, but I didn't say a word. She then asked, "If these pictures were taken in 1998 and your son was 14...that was 5 years ago...HOW can he be 16 now??'...So I told her. Fran Kempa - Sunday, April 06, 2003 at 14:24:02 (MDT) There are times When I see a firey sunset On the silver glow of the moon And I see my brother And I feel the peace that he still exsists. But these times are few And most of what I see is... What he is missing. Cry now my silent tears, Quietly so no one hears. They don't know the pain I go through Day after day And through the years. There Are Times <Alissa Roeder TCF Pikes Peak, Co> - Saturday, April 05, 2003 at 13:37:05 (MST) 4/5/03...We call this drawing BALL....with an eye inside! The photo was taken in Sept. 1990, Chris' first day of first grade, Adam's first day of fifth. Claudia and I attended possibly our last Franklin talent show last night. We went to support the kids who were Freshman and Sophomores when Chris was killed, and Scott remained a Junior...they are now Juniors..and most Seniors!..more proof of the fact that life goes on!... Once again Cori..WOW! Happy Birthday to my dear friend Claudia!! The following is another excerpt from the book, I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SAYING GOODBYE by Sandy Fox..."the pain may lessen, but it never goes away completely. Those who are able to accept this are able to move on. Others find it more difficult." Fran Kempa - Friday, April 04, 2003 at 23:04:51 (MST) 4/4/03...Same ALIEN drawing and Wally photo as yesterday. The following is another excerpt from the introduction of the book, I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SAYING GOODBYE by Sandy Fox.... "To all of us who have lost children, our child is always there with us, in the morning when we rise, as we dress, as we prepare for the day and go about our daily routines, and particularly at night, when the dreams and nightmares visit us. The days roll into weeks, months, years and most psychologists pronounce us well again...but are we?"... Fran Kempa - Friday, April 04, 2003 at 14:44:06 (MST) I still don't know about all this eye business but I found it interesting in this alien drawing, the eyes are blacked out. Mary Saia <Westland> - Thursday, April 03, 2003 at 15:31:25 (MST) I'm afraid of spring. I'm afraid, you might say, Of other children's voices As they come out to play. I'm afraid of the feelings Deep down in my heart, With all the pain and hurt, I may fall apart. Shall I shut all the windows, So I don't hear a thing? Shall I shut my eyes, So I can't see it's spring? Shall I let winter live, The whole year through? And feel safer inside And a lot colder too? SPRING <Penny Lenehan, TCF, Brookside, NJ> - Thursday, April 03, 2003 at 15:13:45 (MST) 4/3/03...The drawing is another we found on one of Chris' school papers. We call him ALIEN. I wish I knew, but I don't know the reason why Chris drew him. The photo was taken during spring break 1997. Adam's friend from Foodland, Wally had come to visit after leaving Foodland and going away to college. I remember that day VIVIDLY ...like so many. I was stripping the woodwork in the upstairs hallway and all three boys, Adam, Chris and Wally gathered upstairs. I had to caution them many times not to touch the woodwork. This is one of the photos we just got back the other day...Chris had hidden behind something and jumped up in an effort to scare Wally and Adam captured it on film! After this visit, we didn't see Wally for a few years. The next and last time we saw him was 11/22/00...the first day of Chris' wake...he remembered and he came... as so many did. I watched a wonderful American Masters on PBS last night, the life story of Joni Mitchell. I have been a fan of her ever changing music for over 30 years. As a resullt of frequent exposure over the years, I am happy to say that both Adam and Chris came to appreciate her too. Since 11/20/00 one of her lines has come to pretty much sum up the way I feel, and most likely will for the rest of my life....."I REALLY DON'T KNOW LIFE....AT ALL." Fran Kempa - Wednesday, April 02, 2003 at 22:49:52 (MST) 4/2/03...I told Adam to leave the same photos up for two days for the month of April because there are so many new ones. I spent part of the last two days waiting for dentists, doctors and a few other people who think they're important. As I waited, I started to read the book, I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SAYING GOODBYE by Sandy Fox. The following is an excerpt from the Introduction. "To lose a child is the most unbearable loss of all. To keep my child in my heart forever is a goal I'll accomplish. I have no intention of saying goodbye to my daughter. She was always the most important thing in my life. Why should that ever change? I will talk about her, tell her I love her, relive all the good memories and not concentrate on her death. It doesn't hurt as much now, years later. It is a softer grief, hidden in the recesses of my heart. My grief has taken a back seat, but my daughter never will. I will never, never forget she lived and who she was. Talking about her to others for the rest of my life helps. I'll never get over it, but I have gotten through it." .....And that is EXACTLY how I feel about Chris and that is EXACTLY what I intend to do..keep talking about him. Fran Kempa - Wednesday, April 02, 2003 at 15:05:53 (MST) 4/1/03...The cartoon drawing was done by Chris in 1994. He gave it to Adam and he kept it at his office for years. The photo is the one Jen Gossett sent us recently. She said Chris and Caleb were riding the bus home from Emerson Middle school in 1998, eighth grade. Chris and I shared many fun April Fool jokes over the years! Last night we got the third roll of film back and sure enough, of the 22 pictures, 15 are pictures with Chris in them! They were taken before Homecoming 1998! The two rolls of film we got back Sunday made me so happy! In the beach photos he's still rather childish and has much more life left. I found the pictures we got back last night depressing...he's older with little life left and he looks almost like he did when he was killed....happy times that have turned SO sad. It's also very weird to see Chris' smiling face looking up from a picture then to turn it over and see the date, March 30, 2003 stamped on the back, knowing he's been gone almost 2 and a half years!...very strange. Fran Kempa - Tuesday, April 01, 2003 at 10:27:25 (MST) Miss you always.... <<<<<>>>>> <Dad> - Sunday, March 30, 2003 at 23:37:59 (MST) 3/31/03....The art is one of the flyers Chris designed for the art exhibit that he never lived to see. All of his works were exhibited and his flyers were used as planned, only he wasn't there. The photo was taken in May of 1993 at the Newburgh School at Greenmeade, a historical preservation area in Livonia. MONTHS ago, Adam Wm. found three rolls of undeveloped film and asked me to have them developed. He thought they were band pictures taken after Chris. Needless to say, I wasn't in a hurry to develop them. They sat on the dresser all this time. Last week, I made one of my lists. This one was a list of things I'd been putting off...the film was on it. I didn't take the one hour option, I wasn't anxious to see them...I took the over night.. which turned out to be three days. When Adam first gave them to me I asked if there was ANY possibility Chris could be on any of them and he assured me there was no way. We picked up two of the rolls Sunday. One roll turned out to be all pictures from the cottage from we believe 1995! MANY Chris pictures! Pictures with Adam, Scott and Caleb! The other roll contained one picture of Chris and the rest we believe were all shot by Chris!...They have his look about them. I can't wait to get the third roll back, hopefully today! We are STILL finding Chris things! I think it's one of his ways of letting us know he's still here. Fran Kempa - Sunday, March 30, 2003 at 22:36:51 (MST) 3/30/03...Same yoyo drawing as yesterday. The photo was taken in 1999, early Sophomore year in the Franklin art department. Yesterday we helped some friends move. They were sad to leave the house for all the memories it held for them. I couldn't help thinking of all the Chris memories it held. Chris spent a lot of time there over the years both with us as a family and alone with his friend. I couldn't help recalling Chris shooting baskets in the driveway, jumping on the trampoline in the yard and hanging out in the basement. And I know if he was still here he would have been right there with us helping them move. I was very touched when I saw the first two pictures they hung on their new walls were Chris pictures, Edward Scissor Hands and John Lennon!.... I STILL miss my Chris SO much! Fran Kempa - Sunday, March 30, 2003 at 10:50:19 (MST) 3/29/03...This drawing of a yoyo was found on one of Chris' school papers. The photo was taken in August 1997 at the cottage in Lexington. That's Chris, Brad S. and Adam. I was talking to a coworker Thursday. She and her husband have only been in the U.S. since June. The country they come from in Europe has been war torn for years. She knows about me and Chris. She was telling me how they lost EVERYTHING...their home, their jobs, their status in the community, friends and family and their homeland but she still considers my loss worse...she still has her son very much alive. We talked about how despite our losses we still go on, we are survivors living a life that can never be the same. Then she brought up the fact that in each of our cases, complete strangers stepped in and ruined our worlds and changed our lives FOREVER...we had no say in the matter, it happened, and we're left to deal with the results. Fran Kempa - Saturday, March 29, 2003 at 17:44:08 (MST) SARS!!! what goes around <comes around> - Friday, March 28, 2003 at 21:21:36 (MST) WHOOPS! DARN IT! NEEXT TIME MAYBE!! Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!! - Friday, March 28, 2003 at 17:43:41 (MST) 3/28/03...The art is the same Government project drawing from 4th grade. The photo was taken by one of Chris' friends...I suspect Scott or Caleb..Chris performing a "trick" on his skateboard....Skateboarding, a rite of spring. I often wonder if Chris would be as interested in it today as he was when he was killed since he'd have been driving for 2 or more years by now....But knowing Chris as I did, I believe he would still enjoy it for the sport and exercise...he LOVED skateboarding! Wednesday morning, I was doing my usual daily "pickup". I was taking dirty clothes and dishes feom the upstairs, downstairs. In my right arm I had a bundle of dirty laundry, in my left hand I had two glass drinking glasses, one inside the other. Charlie was walking down the stairs first, in front of me...All of a sudden, he stopped, I kept going and for a fraction of a second, became airborn. In that most brief moment, all I could think was, "Oh my God, I wonder how this will turn out...will I break a leg, my pelvis,...???" A fraction of a second later I ascessed the damage..two BROKEN glasses, a bleeding paw and a bleeding foot...not bad considering!...And I thanked God.... then it hit me SO hard. I wondered if Chris had those same thoughts on 11/20/00 as he traveled MUCH farther through the air than I just had. I wondered if he thought, "I'm REALLY gonna be hurt after this."...If he was capeable of thinking at that time, I have NO doubt he NEVER considered death an option...broken bones, pain...NOT death. But what I pray for every night is exactly what I hope happened...at that point in the tragedy, he was already unconscious and on his way to Heaven and could have cared less about a broken leg or two.... Fran Kempa - Friday, March 28, 2003 at 16:29:18 (MST) It was so wonderful to see you at the show! Chris definately loved and continues to be "loved by others!" A true measure of his beautiful heart. Thoughts and prayers are always with you... Ms. Hillman - Thursday, March 27, 2003 at 08:30:04 (MST) 3/27/03...The art is a drawing of the White House Chris did for a Government project in 4th grade...good old Mr. Backiel's class. The photo was taken in June 1994...Activities before Chris' first and last Tiger's game. I saw my first robin, ant and skateboarder yesterday...I guess that makes spring official! All of the grave blankets have been removed from the cemetary....except for the one area where Chris is buried!...I'm sure the task will be completed by the weekend. Fran Kempa - Wednesday, March 26, 2003 at 22:30:37 (MST) hey chris. man sometimes i miss you so much that it hurts. i've been thinking about you so much more lately. i love it, but at the same time i feel so empty. i miss you. i keep thinking back to the last time we talked. i know there was no way i could have known, but i just keep thinking about everything i would have said and done--and not said and done. but every time i think of you i remember all the good times that we had . . . they just seem so far back in time. they make me laugh, cry . . . close my eyes. i hope that it won't be long until we see each other again. i feel somewhat lonely because you know no one could ever fill your shoes. though i wish that i were with you now, i know there's a reason for seperation. and i can dream of memories you're recording and i look foreward to that day when i'll see that smile on your face one more time. -- USA - Wednesday, March 26, 2003 at 19:06:45 (MST) 3/26/03...Same UNMASKED drawing as yesterday. The photo was taken in Sophomore year, '99/'00 during one of the plays. It was taken by one of Chris' friends and left at the Memorial early on. Film was another one of his elements. Not only did he love doing it but I understand he was very good at it. Monday at work a coworker who knows nothing of my story was telling me about a problem within her husbands family....one member isn't treating another member right. She feels for the person being mistreated but feels she can't do anything about it. She then said she believed some day it would all work out because she FIRMLY believes that "What goes around comes around." She said you never know how or when, but it would be worked out. I listened and when she finished I said, "You have NO idea how I hope you're right!" She thanked me for taking an interest in her story....what she didn't know was, I was thinking about mine! Fran Kempa - Wednesday, March 26, 2003 at 10:26:24 (MST) 3/25/03...We call this drawing UNMASKED. Chris drew it for a repot on Romeo and Juliet. The photo was taken in September 1984, playing with his crib gym. Over the weekend Adam W. cleaned his closet. As a result, I found many things in the laundry I hadn't seen for a long time. One item in particular I hadn't seen since 11/20/00 and it sparked a vivid Chris memory. In October 2000 I took Chris shopping..a belated back to school shopping event but the first day he was available. What I had forgotten until the other night was I had taken Adam shopping about four weeks before. One of the stores we went to was Old Navy. He chose two ribbed knit sweaters, a navy blue one and an olive green one...V neck and crew neck. Weeks later, when Chris and I finally got together, I asked him where he wanted to go. His instant reply was, "Old Navy Mom, I want to get some sweaters like the ones Adam got." So we did. Since so much time had passed they had redone their displays and the sweaters weren't where they were when Adam got them. We looked all over and couldn't find them so I asked a clerk, trying to describe them. She didn't seem familiar with what I was describing but told us to check in a remote corner of the store...there we found the ribbed knit black turtle neck. Chris was very happy to find it and wore it often for the few short weeks he lived after that. It's so strange to me...I remembered going to Old Navy with him and buying that sweater and some jeans...but all that led up to the purchase I had TOTALLY forgotten until the other night when I was doing laundry and picked up that navy blue crew neck sweater of Adam's...and the memory just flooded in. It is such a weird experience...almost dizzying, you almost have to hold on...because the memories do FLOOD...good or bad and you have no control. This was a very good one I'm happy to say. Fran Kempa - Tuesday, March 25, 2003 at 10:49:46 (MST) 3/24/03...The art is the same panel #9 from yesterday. The photo was taken in May, 1986. Adam was 6, Chris was almost 2. It so reminds me of spring. It was taken in our backyard on Auburndale in front of the BIG forsythia bush...I still remember taking it. I found it so interesting during the Academy Awards last night, three of the first five were categories I believe Chris some day could have competed in....I teased him for many years..."When you're up there giving your acceptance speech...don't forget to thank me!" I was serious!..He thought I was kidding. But he was SO driven and had so many GOALS, I believe he should have realized them. The first award was for Best Animated Feature Film...Chris would have been SO excited that it was first...A Japaneese film I have mentioned before, Spirited Away received the award. The next award was for Visual Effects. Lord Of The Rings received the award but I know Chris would have hoped it would go to Star Wars which was described as a "digital universe." The fourth award was for Art Director and Chicago was the recipient.....Three of Chris' passions! It would have been fun to watch with him last night! Another one of the simple things in life I miss SO much! Fran Kempa - Monday, March 24, 2003 at 15:55:13 (MST) I wanted to post a quick note here today to tell you I continue to visit this wonderful site daily...and admire your continued courage Fran. Much Love JoAnne <jgvpri@adelphia.net> - Sunday, March 23, 2003 at 17:40:49 (MST) Wow Mrs. Kempa, you did it again! You write so real. i can see in your last entry as hard as it is you still try to find the positive in this most horrible tragedy. i miss Chris! A Franklin 2000 Grad <Who Loved Chris> - Sunday, March 23, 2003 at 17:01:57 (MST) 3/23/03....The art is panel #9 from the comicbook HMmmm Chris wrote and illustrated some time during high school. The photo was taken Christmas morning, 1985. Chris was 18 months old. He's seated in front of the piano he received that morning, eating one of the carrots left over from the reindeer. That is the same piano years later, Charlie LOVED to play! Once again, congratulations to Angie Hillman, Mrs. Hillman, the entire cast and crew for another WONDERFUL experience in theatre..The Wizzard Of OZ! The costumes, makeup, acting, directing, singing, dancing, FLYING, special effects..."and Toto too" were amazing! We were lucky enough to have front row center seats for the performance! We began the evening with dinner. Not long after we were seated a very pretty young lady..an employee of the restaurante came by to say hello to one of the friends I went with. When we were asked if we remembered her...and she said her name, all I knew was she was the girl Chris had a CRUSH on for years in grammer school. I didn't tell her that but acknowledged remembering her....I ordered macaroni and cheese, one of Chris' favorites. As we pulled out of the parking lot, one friend commented there were TWO cars with Chris bumper stickers on them! ...and as we drove to Franklin, we drove through the intersection of West Chicago and Merriman. I was very touched and very happy to see mine was not the only Chris pin worn last night! I saw and spoke to many kids and adults Chris knew during intermission and after the performance....Another bitter sweet experience. Toward the end of the play, as the "wizzard" was giving Tin Man his heart, one of the lines jumped out at me and REALLY reminded me of Chris..."A heart isn't judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others."....And as we drove home and turned onto to West Chicago from Merriman, we noticed the soft glow of a candle burning at the memorial....as if to say, "Mom, I'm OK.".....All I can do is trust. Fran Kempa - Sunday, March 23, 2003 at 15:41:58 (MST) 3/22/03....Same Punk drawing as yesterday. The photo was taken in October, 1999. I LOVE this picture of Chris. To me it shows how tall and gentle he was. This morning at work there was a radio playing. The song What If God Was One Of Us Came on and triggered a Chris memory. On the Tues. before the Monday Chris was killed we were driving home from the Orthdontist and that song came on. I thought it was a new song by Courtney Love. Chris informed me it wasn't Courtney Love but Joan Osborne and had been out for awhile....I hadn't heard it before but he had. Those are the things I will continue to miss every day of my life...just talking about simple things. Looking forward to the play tonight! Fran Kempa - Saturday, March 22, 2003 at 14:25:35 (MST) 3/21/03...We call this drawing PUNK. We found it in Chris' sketch book shortly after he was killed. We may have found it that horrible day. When the poliece first brought his school bag home, I couldn't even go near it. As the minutes turned into hours, I found myself tearing through his bag...looking at everything almost as though I was trying to find some clue, some sign that this was a mistake..this wasn't true...The photo was taken in Sept. 1985, Adam's first day of Kindergarten. It was a very exciting day for all of us! Chris was 15 months old. As you can see in the photo, Adam was in a hurry to get going! Less than an hour after this photo was taken we met the Allens for the first time, Claudia, Scott and Ryan. They lived only a few blocks away but we had never met them. I know that meeting changed all of our lives for the better! The other day at work, a long time resident had her TV on as the news about the impending war blasted. She became very emotional and asked me, "What about your boys...will they have to go?" For a brief moment I thought about what to tell her... then simply replied, "Trust me Anna, I don't believe either one of my boys will have to be involved." She was relieved. Fran Kempa - Friday, March 21, 2003 at 11:35:45 (MST) 3/20/03...Same Chris Apple Eye drawing as yesterday. The photo was taken in August, 1995 after our annual weeks stay at the cottage in Lexington, Mi. The photo was taken at Wimpy's Hamburgers...the place we visited traditionally after leaving the cottage... befoe the drive home to reality...We all LOVED the cottage. It was such a laid back, wonderful time, intensified by very loved, wonderful people. When we were there, we had no schedule...one night we'd have dinner at 6:00...the next night we might not have dinner until 9:00 or later!...We called it "beach time"...We just took it as it came and LOVED every minute of it! I was SO happy to see another front page article in the Livonia Observer today paying tribute to the WONDERFUL Franklin Players and their wonderful director Angie Hillman. I am so happy to see this year they have finally receivid some long OVERDUE recognition. I am proud to say both Adam and Chris were a part of Players when they were at Franklin..Angie and her Mom should be very proud for yet another, (from what I hear) FANTASTIC presentation...this one being THE WIZARD OF OZ! As usual, all shows are sold out. Claudia and I are lucky to have tickets to the Saturday night performance...we are both looking very forward to it! I know if Chris was still with us he would be attending at least one show. Cori is the Student Director and many of the performing Seniors were / are... his friends. Fran Kempa - Thursday, March 20, 2003 at 16:29:53 (MST) 3/19/03...The art is another one of many I don't know the story behind....I just find it so interesting the apple to the left of the ginger bread man has an eye in it! The photo was taken in summer 1994, Adam and Chris in their pool...Chris loved it more than all of us combined. I have no idea if we'll open it this year..I imagine we'll have to since we didn't last year...but I have NO desire to. If I had my way, I'd rip it out and plant grass....but one member of the family won't allow that. At three different times yesterday, I had three different Chris memories....all of which were funny. I didn't write them down...as I sit here to record them, I find I've FORGOTTEN them...I didn't write them down. It's as though my mind plays tricks on me. Having to write down memories of my child...that is SO sad to me. I have been thinking of the family and friends of Rebecca Sandoffsky and Anna Bonde lately...not wondering, but knowing how they feel and what they are going through. This February it was a year since the world lost Rebecca, and March 17th marked two years since the world lost Anna. Fran Kempa - Wednesday, March 19, 2003 at 15:38:15 (MST) 3/18/03...Same TEDDI as yesterday. The photo was taken in 1990. Proof from his first grade picture. He must have written his name across it later because I know he couldn't write in cursive at 6....but that is definatly his signature. Fran Kempa - Tuesday, March 18, 2003 at 13:10:13 (MST) Miss you always... Dad <<<<<<>>>>>> - Monday, March 17, 2003 at 22:24:23 (MST) BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL BOY!! XOXOXOXO - Monday, March 17, 2003 at 22:04:29 (MST) 3/17/03...The art we call TEDDI. It's the cute drawing that Lauren, Scott and Cori all now have tattoos of! The picture is one of many Chris took of himself. He took it in October, 2000 just about one month before he was killed. Three years ago today the vet advised us to have Charlie put to sleep! He is still very much a part of the family although he is failing..some days more than others. Just when we think we HAVE to decide when to do it...he ralies! Speck would miss him VERY much. Two years ago today we went to dinner and a movie with the Deadys...I have NO memory of what we did or what happened last year..What a difference a year makes...let alone a split second! We received a wonderful gift from Jen Gossett last night! She found MORE Chris things! She scanned and E mailed Adam a picture she found of Chris and Caleb riding the bus home from Emerson in the 8th grade. She also scanned and sent a few drawings Chris did for her!! She gave us some back ground on each one. I am still AMAZED that the photos and art still keep coming after almost two and a half years!...I know for a fact there are still some things out there I haven't seen! Fran Kempa - Monday, March 17, 2003 at 15:28:48 (MST) 3/16/03....Same TIGER as yesterday. The photo was taken in January, 1996 while visiting in Buffalo. Bill and Chris having breakfast together. We went to dinner and a movie with friends last night. We walked into the restaurant and IN MY LIFE was playing...the song Cori sang at Chris' funeral..our waiters name was Chris! During the movie it showed the main character making funeral arrangements and picking out a casket for his wife who died suddenly. While it was his wife and not his child, it still brought me back to the same place at the funeral director's desk...and walking past the ROWS of caskets on 11/20/00. Even when you try to get away from it..you can't. There's ALWAYS something there to remind you. Fran Kempa - Sunday, March 16, 2003 at 11:03:01 (MST) 3/15/03...The art is the beautiful TIGER Chris drew shortly before he was killed for an assignment in his Visual Communications class. The photo was taken in winter of 1993 while visiting Buffalo. Pictured to the right of Chris is "Chris' car." The '93 Topaz that should have been his..the one we recently had to replace. I guess I can say I have a picture of Chris and his first..and only car! Fran Kempa - Saturday, March 15, 2003 at 15:34:50 (MST) 3/14/03...Same art work signature as yesterday. The photo was taken in August 1992 I believe. Chris and Grandma Joan as she was leaving the cottage after their annual visit. Today is my mother's 81st birthday! Last year at this time I was in Buffalo for the first time since Chris was killed. I know when I call her later tonight, she will bring Chris up during our conversation..she always does. Fran Kempa - Friday, March 14, 2003 at 15:56:44 (MST) I know what you mean when you say he stopped. He didn't finish, he WAS STOPPED! My son suffered the same fate. We are all members of a club none of us wish to belong to. Danielle Strom <TCF Miami> - Thursday, March 13, 2003 at 18:29:12 (MST) 3/13/03...The "art" is an example of how I wish Chris had signed all of his works...the addition of a date would have made it perfect! I point that out not to criticize, when he was alive and producing them the way he signed them was his own personal expression. I say that because it would have been most helpful to us, after his death to not only know the title and date...but to see that signature! The photo was taken in June 1996 at the 6th grade breakfast...a pseudo graduation from elementry school. Pictured with Chris in this photo are some of his long term friends, Matt Combin, Danny Sperry and Christin Ogden. Connie was at work today..we had a lot to talk about. Her biggest need right now is for someone to tell her that everything will be fine soon. She's beginning to realize...it's a slow process...that she'll never be the same again. The other night I was home alone so I decided to rent the movie IN THE BEDROOM. I knew it dealt with the loss of a child..but that was all I knew. I had been waiting to watch it alone...I wanted to see if "Hollywood" could capture the magnitude. I'm not sure who wrote, directed or produced this movie but one of them most unfortunatly KNOWS. There were two scenes that hit home... SO true. The first showed the father, on the day of his son's funeral, ascend the stairs to his son's bedroom. The camera shows the inside of the room from the outside at first...it shows dirty clothes on the floor, his desk chair pulled out as if he had just gotten up...it shows how this young man just STOPPED! Then it shows the father enter the room looking around at his drawings, clutching his pillow...knowing but not accepting at the same time. That is EXACTLY how I felt when entering Chris' room for the first time. Even though it was weeks later, that's exactly how I felt...HE JUST STOPPED...How can that be?? There were many scenes that "faded to black" as Chris often said. The other scene that REALLY struck me showed the mother at the cemetary. She's sitting on a bench talking to someone and says something like, "It comes in waves, there is no sound so loud...I feel SO angry!" There were other real moments in the movie...it showed the parents "going through the motions." When people asked them how they were, they answered, "OK." It showed how they aged about 20 years in a few days, it showed a person addressing them and saying, "I understand"..It showed them both reply at EXACTLY the same time, "NO you don't!", it showed the mother getting the mail and seeing mail addressed to her son, it showed the mother going back to work, it showed the father driving behind a car marked, "STUDENT DRIVER", it showed each of them catching glimpses of boys that resembled their son, and doing a double take, it showed each of them doing something they used to do with their son...now they were doing it alone,...it showed them trying to figure out the impossible together and alone. I am SO happy to see that miracles really do exist!! Fran Kempa - Thursday, March 13, 2003 at 16:54:59 (MST) thinking of you always buddy....love and miss you always Chris Katie B. - Thursday, March 13, 2003 at 10:34:24 (MST) Dear Mrs Kempa, I just wanted to say I think of you and Chris often. I hope you are doing well. Much Love! Rebecca Gates <drama_princess_99@yahoo.com> - Wednesday, March 12, 2003 at 23:37:57 (MST) 3/12/03...The art is the same WALLHEAD from yesterday. The photo was sent to me almost one year ago today by the Assistant Principal of Emerson Middle School, Ms. Leach. In her note she said she was cleanig a drawer and found this photo...she very thoughtfully sent it to me....I am VERY ashamed to admit...despite SEVERAL futile attempts to reach her by phone, I have made no written contact with her to thank her....having this photo on again I believe will renew my efforts to do so. Yesterday I attended an IV seminar sponsored by the pharmacy that services our facility...and has for many years. At one point during the presentation they dealt with the IV solutions most commonly used in the ER...within this part of the presentation, they mentioned the solutions NOT TO BE USED IN THE EVENT OF HEAD TRAUMA... at that point, I felt the need to take an unscheduled break..and did so. Fran Kempa - Wednesday, March 12, 2003 at 00:15:02 (MST) 3/11/03...The art we call WALLHEAD. I found it several months after Chris was killed. It was hanging on his bedroom wall above his closet door. For about four months after Chris was killed, I couldn't enter his room at all...couldn't even have the door open...then gradually, I started going in and poking around, sometimes just sitting on his bed. That's how I found this drawing. I was sitting on his bed, looking around and after all those months, for some reason it just jumped out at me. And I said, "Oh my God..." A statement I've made hundreds of times since Chris was killed for various reasons! There was, and still are SO many things hanging on his walls, this just blended in. The photo was taken in September 1993, first day of 4th grade. I find the last entry in the guestbook to be SO true. It gives me great comfort to say and to know, Chris was almost ALWAYS happy!!....I had a similar experience to Adam's on Monday...only mine was positive. I was in the checkout at Farmer Jack. There was an obvious mother and son behind me. The boy appeared to be about the age Chris would be now, almost 19, and the mom appeared to be at least my age, 48. What I couldn't help but notice...and ENVY was their interaction and dynamics...they so reminded me of me and Chris. They were talking about things... funny and serious...they were talking about life. Humor was injected where ever possible...just like me and Chris. The mom pointed out the fact that he was between jobs and should REALLY try to find one. The boy half joking...with a big smile...as he helped her empty the cart said, "Mom, if I don't have a job next week, you'll still love me, right?" And the mom replied, "ABSOLUTLY!..but that won't stop me from reminding you ...you need to find a job!!"...Both of them with big smiles on their faces. A little later, the boy said, "I hope all the fruit is good." The mom replied, "It better be...you picked it all out"...and on and on....It made my heart ACHE! After I left the grocery store...knowing I had NO intention of cooking that night, I called Adam W. up to see if he wanted Mcdonalds. He was open to the idea so I decided to stop there on my way home. I went to the one on Joy Rd. across from Franklin...the one we ALWAYS went to...the one I'm sure the driver and his wife frequented before they moved away. I went to the drive thru...the total came to almost $2.00 more than I had bills...but I had a LOT of change. As I pulled up to the window to pay, I didn't pay attention after I stopped...I was going through my purse looking for change...all of a sudden I heard, "Well, hello Mrs. Kempa!" I looked up and there at the register was Chris' friend Casey Mack! The friend Chris had spent 10 days with at his cottage less than four months before he was killed! We chatted for a while but I didn't want to hold up the line. We established the fact that he has worked there for over a year, is now a senior, is going to the local community college next year...then wants to go to ART SCHOOL!...another one Chris inspired!!..My drive home was quite emotional! I am VERY happy to say I received a return E mail from Sandy Fox, author of the book, I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SAYING GOOD-BYE, giving me permission to use passages from her book, here on the web page! Fran Kempa - Tuesday, March 11, 2003 at 15:56:58 (MST) Be happy in the moment...for this could be your life.. Something To Think About - Tuesday, March 11, 2003 at 05:54:07 (MST) Today in my travels, I was next to a woman who was complaining about the cost of a pair of replacement eye glasses for her daughter... I wish I had a similar problem. When he was younger, Chris even lost a pair of glasses at a 4th of July fireworks display (Livonia Spree) SAD to think how happy I would be to buy him a new pair now. The lady asked if I had ever had to buy a replacement pair for a kid. She is lucky I did not answer........ Miss you always, Dad <<<<<<>>>>>> - Monday, March 10, 2003 at 17:51:14 (MST) 3/10/03...Same Valentine as yesterday. The photo was one of the last taken of us as a complete family, August 25, 2000. As life played out, we just happened to have some family functions in Buffalo, both happy and sad, shortly before Chris was killed resulting in a number of family photos which freeze Chris JUST as he was then. Had it not been for these family events I know we wouldn't have been running around taking pictures just to take them. I am SO happy to have them...they are treasures! The other night I was talking to a woman the mother of three children, who had recently lost a son. She asked me how many children I have and I said, "Two, Chris and his older brother Adam who is now 23." She said , "Well, I guess I have two children now too." I truly hope she reaches the point in her journey where she comes to believe she still has three children as I do. Her son is still her son and still exists as Chris does, just on a different level. I hope she'll come to find it is this belief that helps her keep her sanity and keeps her going just as I do. Fran Kempa - Monday, March 10, 2003 at 10:47:45 (MST) 3/9/03...The art is another Valentine Chris made for me, not sure of the year. The photo was taken on November 9,2000 in Chicago....We had no clue, EVERYTHING in his life was going SO well!! Fran Kempa - Sunday, March 09, 2003 at 16:09:32 (MST) 3/8.03..Same altered left eye drawing as yesterday. The photo is one of many we never saw before Chris was killed. Cori gave it to us. It's the photo we used for Chris' member of the class of 2002 memorial page we put in last year's year book. To me it really shows some of what Chris was...gentle and funny. When Adam graduated in 1998, we put a half page congratulations in his year book. From then on from time to time, I thought about what I'd like to say for Chris'...I had NO idea it would read..."In Loving Memory"... Fran Kempa - Saturday, March 08, 2003 at 16:18:57 (MST) 3/7/03...The art is another I'm so sorry to say I don't know the story to...but once again, I find the altered left eye very interesting. The photo was taken in May, 1993, the end of third grade. It was taken by his teacher Ms. Copeland in a field of buttercups......To me, it's just more proof of the fact that he was a beautiful, beautiful boy!....and a joy! We attended our Compassionate Friends meeting last night. They had a speaker for the first time in a LONG time. As a result, more people attended last nights meeting than the regular monthly meetings....there were more people I didn't recognize than I did. I said to Adam, this would have made an interesting "sharing session" night, I wish I knew their stories....Maybe next month. The speaker was a woman from Phoenix Arizona by the name of Sandy Fox who wrote a book titled, I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SAYING GOOD-BYE. As it turned out, she buried her daughter and only child nine years to the day..3/6/94. We bought a book and she signed the front page, "In memory of Chris" I haven't started reading it yet but I am planning to E mail her tonight for permission to put passages that strike me here on the web page. More people need to know how bereaved parents feel...from a distance, not up close and personal...I would never wish this upon anyone. Fran Kempa - Friday, March 07, 2003 at 15:24:15 (MST) 3/6/03...Same absent left eye drawing as yesterday. Same new photo as yesterday thanks to Cyndi. I didn't have to work yeaterday so I really didn't care if it snowed three feet. I woke up rather late to determine a snow day...about 8:00. When I saw Livonia Public Schools were closed, all I could think was, "Chris would have been SO happy today!".....a few minutes later all I could think was, "wait a minute...Chris wouldn't have been in LPS anymore...he would have been in college...and just like Adam, would have had to go to school in spite of the snow!".....That "frozen in time" phrase is SO true...to me, he's still 16 and a Junior in high school....this isn't the first time this has happened and I now know, sadly, it won't be the last. Fran Kempa - Wednesday, March 05, 2003 at 22:16:44 (MST) 3/5/03...The art is one of many I don't know the story to...I just find the absent left eye interesting!...given the outcome...My baby is dead! The photo is the new...never seen before photo sent to us recently bt Cyndi Lareau. In her enclosed letter, she summed it up this way,..."It's not the best picture, but I thought you'd like to have it anyway. I took it during LADY CRIES MURDER. Chris was wearing a hat & Lauren took it from him. (She's wearing it!) I hope this picture, (though it's not a good one) brightenes your day! It's signed, Lots of love, Cyndi. The back is labeled...Jessica Decker, Chris and Lauren Rossi....Lady Cries was fall of 1998...Freshman year if I'm not mistaken...he had two more fall plays to go ...and he did them!!...VERY well! THANK YOU Cyndi!...I hope you received my note! Fran Kempa - Tuesday, March 04, 2003 at 22:22:30 (MST) "Let thy chlld rest in hope, and raise in GLORY!!!" Glory Be To God!!! - Tuesday, March 04, 2003 at 21:58:05 (MST) 3/4/03...Same Valentine inside from yesterday. The photo was taken in October 1999 before Homecoming. That's Chris, Beckey Gates, Katie Williams and Caleb Deady. We all had fun that night! I talked to Connie yesterday. I didn't even know if she knew about me and Chris. She told me that shortly after she started working with me she told another co worker..."I don't know what to make of Fran...She talks and laughs, but I see a lot of sorrow in her eyes."...then she told her about me and Chris. So yes she knew...but most unfortunatly now she understands. We talked for a while. When she's ready she'd like to try Compassionate Friends. I told her I'd go with her. Fran Kempa - Tuesday, March 04, 2003 at 08:44:10 (MST) 3/3/03....Chris would have been very interested in this date.... The art is the inside of the homemade Where's Waldo? Valentine Chris made me in 1992. Notice his :'s are in the wrong place! The photo was taken on easter morning 1993. I had to work that Sunday so the boys were given the choice of getting up EARLY to find their bunnies and baskets...then going back to bed, or waiting until I came home around 3:30. At that young age, they chose to get up early then go back to bed...I know if Chris was still alive I'd STILL be doing bunnies and baskets...I haven't figured it out yet but if I have to work this Easter and the boys were given the choice...at their ages, almost 19 and 23, they would most certainly choose to wait until I came home at 3:30...there is no way they'd get up at 5:30 for Easter baskets and bunnies! Fran Kempa - Monday, March 03, 2003 at 15:25:37 (MST) Hope if you get more shirts there might be one small enough for Bradley to wear. He begs to wear the big Chris shirts to school but is only allowed to wear them in the house....often uses them as PJ's Kathy - Sunday, March 02, 2003 at 15:38:44 (MST) 3/2/03...Same homemade Valentine from 1992. The photo was taken at the Buffalo waterfront marina in 1987. Chris LOVED the water! For whatever reason, there seems to be a renewed interest in Chris things. In February, 4 people wanted shirts, three people wanted buttons and several people wanted Chris stickers. It's only the second day of March and I've already received one request for a shirt and one for stickers! Thank you! Fran Kempa - Sunday, March 02, 2003 at 12:21:36 (MST) 3/1/03...The art is a homemade Valentine Chris made for me in 1992. I forgot about it or I would have had Adam put it up last month. He was very big on Where's Waldo? that year. The photo was taken on June 14, 1984. Chris had been home for the first time for a matter of seconds...Adam couldn't wait to hold him for the first time! Fran Kempa - Saturday, March 01, 2003 at 11:30:01 (MST) 2/28/03...Same MASK GUY as yesterday. The photo was taken sometime in 1986 at our next door neighbor's house on Auburndale. This was the original gang of kids my kids played with on a daily basis...all the kids were back and forth between houses..it was great! Each of these small children...even at their age, exhibited their own style, personality and talents. From left to right...Alexis Garland, Melissa Wong, Annie Heathcock, Colin Garland, Brooke Kilyanik, Chris, Adam and Amanda Wong....the girls out numbered the boys by far...but at those ages, it hardly mattered....they all had so much FUN!! So sorry to hear of the death of Mr. Rogers. I selected this photo for this date weeks ago but it's very fitting....exactly the time my boys were watching and enjoying Mr. Rogers. As they got older, they grew to make fun of his show....but for many years, they like so many children ,were very taken with him and his show. Fran Kempa - Thursday, February 27, 2003 at 22:17:52 (MST) To my lost sibling: My Silent Companion I see you in my dreams..... Laughing happily, free from sprrow, And safe from life's misfortune. The joy that fills your eyes, Fills me with comfort. And I know that every step I make, You also take. Guiding me down life's path, Through obstacles in my way.... You are my silent companion. When God took you back...it changed our lives, And our perspective, We now see the vibrant glow, That lives in every one of His creations, And it reminds us of you. I hear you laugh in the crashing surf, and feel warmed by your hugs in the soaking sun. You are EVERYWHERE... You are my silent companion, Though I want to reach out to you, And hold you tightly in my sorrow, I know you can feel my tears on your shoulder, As you surround me in your soul. You sprinkle my life with tokens and treasures, Remindres and reassurances of how much you love me. I know you'll live inside my heart, And walk with me until I can join you... Forever as my silent companion. Jennifer Forrest <TCF Orange Coast, CA.> - Thursday, February 27, 2003 at 19:42:38 (MST) 2/27/03...We call this cute little guy MASK GUY. He was one of Chris' many drawings on a school paper. The photo was taken in August, 1984 in Buffalo. The whole family was there for Chris' Baptism. That's Chris and Cousin Joan in the crib Grandma Joan kept for the grandchildren. Chris was 2 months, Joan was 16 months. One of the afternoon nurses brought in her most recent discovery in candy today...Citrus Altoids! She let us each try one..they were lemon and quite good, shaped like little berries...all I could say and all I could think was, "Chris would have loved these!!" I went to the cemetary after work. The grave blankets are still in place. I never thought I'd say this but most of them NEED to go...including Chris'. They're to the point where much browning has naturally taken place after so much time. It's depressing enough to be in a cemetary but when all of these dead decorations adorn your dead loved ones grave, it's even worse. Hopefully they'll be removed soon. Fran Kempa - Thursday, February 27, 2003 at 14:16:12 (MST) The pain still continues. At times different but ever present. As someone once said "Still?" To watch my family suffer day by day is inhuman. To find my son bloody, dead and with a look of terror on his face........there are no words. STILL Dad <<<<<<<>>>>>>> - Thursday, February 27, 2003 at 01:20:03 (MST) "Human pain does not let go its grip at one point in time. Rather, it works its way out of our consciousness over time. There is a season of sadness. A season of anger. A season of tranquility. A season of hope. But the seasons do not follow one another in a lockstep manner. At least not for those in crisis. The winters and springs of one's life have lifted, but the next day they have returned. One moment we can smile but a few hours after the tears emerge....It is true that as we take two steps forward in our journey, we may take one or more steps backward. But when one affirms that the spring thaw will arrive, the winter winds seem to lose some of their punch. A Gift Of Hope <Robert Venigna> - Wednesday, February 26, 2003 at 18:56:44 (MST) 2/26/03...Same unfinished computer animated guy from yesterday....How I MISS being called into his room or the computer room to see his latest creations!...He was amazing everyone in 2000, how I WISH we could be further amazed today! The photo was taken in November 1987, their last formal portrait together. Today was a lost day for me...Last night for what ever reason...I've stopped trying to figure it out, I had many Chris memories....and I believe that's why I felt the way I did today....Yesterday as I was pulling out of Larry's parking lot, I had a vivid memory. In '98 or '99, when the City started it's Plymouth Road Development, construction was started on the main street corners. They built very nice brick walls and sidewalks. When thay started construction around Sheldon Plaza...which contains Larry's, they had to dig a large trench all around it...I guess they had to go below the frost line. When Chris came home from work the first night after the digging was completed he burst through the door and said excitedly but confused..."Mom, they're building a MOAT around Larry's!" During the 1992 Presidential election, Chris did... and loved to do, an imitation of Ross Perot. He would put his shoes on the floor, then kneel on them so he looked like a little short guy, and wave his ears back and forth and talk with a southern accent...it was FUNNY...and he was only 8! For what ever reason, Adam W. had a green shortsleeved sweatshirt in the wash...he hadn't worn it recently that I can remember but I washed it and it brought back memories...The last time we all painted the house together was I believe in 1999. This shirt has gray brush strokes all over it...put there by Chris. At one point during the painting they started a sort of paint war and started seeing who could paint each other the most! I don't remember who won. Last night Adam, Sarah and I had a conversation thet brought back another memory. I told Sarah that Adam had gone to Kindercare for preschool on the days I worked. In February of 1984 I received a call at work from Kindercare...Adam had tripped and cut his lip quite badly. When I got there I could see he needed stitches and took him to St. Mary's...I was 5 months pregnant with Chris so I guess you could say not only was that our first experience with St. Mary's...but his too. He went on to be born there, be misdiagnosed with a broken foot there and pronounced DOA there, 11/20/00. Fran Kempa - Wednesday, February 26, 2003 at 16:20:36 (MST) "...Sometimes excuses are like skin...VERY thin!!!"..... Dad <<<<<<>>>>>> - Tuesday, February 25, 2003 at 14:31:23 (MST) 2/25/03...The art is another one of Chris' unfinished computer animations. I believe he was working on this guy shortly before he was killed. The photo was taken in January 1988 in the backyard on Auburndale. Chris, Adam and their Snow dog. I received a speedy reply from the FBI in response to my E mail requesting info about computer aging a photo. They gave me a good suggestion which I'm so happy to have and wished me luck! I saw a man on the news last night being interviewed after the recent loss of a loved one. The reporter asked the stupid question, "How do you feel?" He summed it up perfectly. He replied, "How do you think you would feel if you had a hole where your heart used to be?" I had another funny Chris memory last night as the cat dashed by me. My Mother HATES cats. When my parents come to visit, we give them the master bedroom. On the first night of one of their visits about four years ago they had gone upstairs to get ready to go to bed. Chris and I were upstairs too and went in to talk to them for a little while. My Father opened the closet door to put something in and there was Felix sleeping on the floor. My Mother reacted in a frightened manner and Chris just started LAUGHING! He said something like "what if you hadn't opened the closet and the cat jumped on the bed in the middle of the night!" My Mother replied something like "I would have had a stroke" and Chris kept LAUGHING..not to be disrespectful, he just thought it would have been funny! Very soon we were all laughing as Chris took his cat out of the room and my Mother made sure the bedroom door was TIGHTLY closed! Fran Kempa - Tuesday, February 25, 2003 at 11:01:54 (MST) Hi everyone. It occured to me that I never write much on here. From time to time I'll speak up and say a few words but it hasnt been enough, so I wanted to say something today. I wanted to say that I do still think of Chri and I do come on here and look at recent additions, as do plenty of people do. But I dont think people step up and say much sometimes. I dont know if its fear or judgement because their posting it for so many people to read, or absence of words, or they cant express exactly what their feeling and what they want to say because for some people their really arent many words that can justifibly explain what an impact Chris has been on their lifes. And that just occured to me the other day. I mean a while ago this song kept coming back to slap me in the face that reminded me of Chris. It isnt a very popular song now, it was, but still its not regularly played. And the day that my two closest friends left for school (becasue they left a month after most schools) I was having a tough time... And I swear the first time I heard it, it just made me more upset. After all our goodbyes I heard it again in some store, and then again in my car on the way home on the same radio station that played it the first time. To me this was astonishing because unless I played it, I hadnt heard the song in like 2 years! And I kinda took it as a sign, that he was watching. Like he was saying its okay. And I dont know who out there are sceptics, but believe me I am. This is very wierd for me to believe in something like this to happen for that reason. But it happened again, I was driving home from dance and for some reason something triggered me and I was upset about my preformance and while I was re-evaluating my carrer choices, the song came on. And I felt okay. To me that just says more than coinscidence. So basically what I'm saying to the the family members and friends that express their words: there are more people out there that havent found the words. And to those who were in my position: one day you'll turn around and they'll come. So right... I just wanted to say that because its all okay, and I love you Kempas! ~Chris Christin Ogden <TiniBallerini@aol.com> - Monday, February 24, 2003 at 22:00:50 (MST) 2/24/03...The drawing is the same MARKER as yesterday. The photo was taken in January 1988. It's a picture that captured Chris... always smiling, always having FUN! Connie's son's Obituary was in Sunday's paper. I didn't know it, I just happened upon it while reading the Metro section. A few of the lines realy hit me.."He was on top of the world,...an upbeat young man who encouraged others with his smile,...in his spare time he enjoyed listening to music and sketching in a blank book he always carried,...he wanted to march to a different drum and break the traditions."... And the same can be said of all the kids from Compassionate Friends...ALL good, kind, loving, talented, wonderful kids...ALL gone too soon. God must have the most WONDERFUL band of young Heavenly Angels!! In the same section, on the very next page was an article about Plymouth's Mayflower Centre. That brought back a Chris memory from less than a week before he was killed. The finally opened Centre is just one block away from our Dentist/Orthodontist. Chris and I drove past it MANY times during the construction, he often commented on it because the architecture looked "cool." On Tues. 11/14/00 I drove Chris to his last Ortho appointment. As we passed by the construction he asked, "Mom, do you think that place will EVER be done?" I told him there had been some problems with funding and work was stopped for now. That was the last time he saw it. I have NO doubt had he lived, he would still be going to The Bean and most likely hanging out at the Mayflower Centre. There's a Starbucks there! Sunday night I watched most of the Grammys with the dogs. I don't know how, but I missed Simon and Garfunkle's performance and award....the main reason I watched...I kept waiting for it! Had Chris lived until February of his 16th year, I KNOW he would have watched the 2001 show with me...I have no idea if he would have watched with me last night. At 19 I suspect he would have been out with friends as his brother was. LOTS of good music... much Chris would have loved. Norah Jones cleaned up....Beautiful voice, I LOVE beautiful voices. Fran Kempa - Monday, February 24, 2003 at 11:18:33 (MST) 2/23/03...The drawing we call MARKER and was done sometime in High school. The photo was taken in August, 1992 in Port Huron. Adam, Chris and Aunt Molly. Fran Kempa - Sunday, February 23, 2003 at 14:21:32 (MST) 2/22/03...Same Chris Kempa @ Home CD cover as yesterday. The photo was taken in 1984. For the first few months of their lives we took both Adam's and Chris' photo in this plant stand....to show how they'd grown. I was always a little nervous, you can see my hand in the photo standing by just in case. Chris is wearing his very first Super Man T shirt...He lked the one he got in 1987 for his third BD much better. I had an interesting Chris experience at work today. I over heard one of our resident's daughter's talking to her Mom about Connie. Since Connie only works one day a week the daughter asked me, "When will Connie be back?" I told her not for a few weeks at least. The daughter replied, "Oh, a nice long vacation?"...she obviously didn't know so I told her. She was very shocked and very sorry and then started to say, "If that ever happened to me, I couldn't go on...it has to be the most horrible thing." I told her, "I KNOW it is. In November of 2000, my 16 year old son was killed."....and what she said next REALLY surprised me. She said, "Oh my God, are you the Mother of that sweet boy in Livonia?" and I said, "Yes I am" and she said, "Oh my God, I've known you for almost two years and you never said anything." I explained to her that it's something you carry constantly in your mind and heart but only talk about when it's appropriate. You just can't go around interjecting the fact that your son was killed into conversations. She went on to tell me how she remembers 11/20/00 so vividly...she lives just down the street from the corner. Her daughter is a very good friend of Cyndi Lareau's and her daughter has been to the Memorial more than once with Cyndi...Both of her kids went to Franklin! She asked if we'd found out any more details about how it happened. I told her we had .....she was shocked. Fran Kempa - Saturday, February 22, 2003 at 14:19:07 (MST) Mrs. Kempa, "WOW!" A Viewer - Friday, February 21, 2003 at 22:21:38 (MST) 2/21/03....The art is the cover Chris made for one of his homemade CDs shortly before he was killed. His love of Legos is evidenced here. Just recently I've come to appreciate the care he took in drawing this CD cover..the very straight line under his name and the little marks around the Lego guy to imply movement! The photo was taken in 1986 in our back yard on Auburndale. Chris and his Teddy bear. Last night, I found the news coverage of Baby Jessica 10 years later very interesting and encouraging. I remember that situation SO well. At the time I was VERY much opposed to that little girl being ripped from her "custodial" parents as they called them last night. I felt it was sheer agony for her and her adoptive parents and imagined their pain at the time. Adam W. and I watched the 6:00 version together and I asked him if he recalled the story. He replied that he indeed did remember. What gave me some hope and made me feel better...on the 11:00 news when they asked Jessica what she would want her "custodial" parents and the people in Michigan to know.... she very confidently replied, "I'm FINE!"... It may sound silly but I thought of Chris...he was ripped away from his family....but I guess the reality is, we were his "custodial" family and he was returned to his real Father. I hope and pray more than anything, if we could ask Chris what he'd want us to know, he would VERY confidently reply, "I'M FINE!" Fran Kempa - Friday, February 21, 2003 at 15:24:37 (MST) I saw a commercial on TV tonight that made me think of Chris and Mrs. Kempa. It states in the begining something like,"It's very hard to lose your best friend, it's even worse when it's your son." All I could do was think of them. Luckily in the commercial, the son isn't dead, he's just rebelling. Often in our thoughts! A Franklin Parent - Thursday, February 20, 2003 at 21:53:23 (MST) We received another wonderful gift in today's mail....This one from Cyndi Lareau. It'a picture Cyndi took during rehersals for Lady Cries Murder, the Franklin fall play of 1998. It's a picture of Jessica Decker on the left, Chris in the middle and Lauren Rossi on the right. In the picture, Lauren is wearing a hat. Cyndi said right before she took the picture, Chris was wearing it and Lauren took it away from him. I DO consider this yet another sign! Chris knows what a BAD Chris week I've had and sent me ANOTHER," Hello from Heaven!" Fran Kempa - Thursday, February 20, 2003 at 16:32:33 (MST) A thin veneer of normalcy over a sea of sadness. Miss you aways.......... Dad <<<<<<>>>>>> - Thursday, February 20, 2003 at 13:17:58 (MST) 2/20/03...Same KNIGHT drawing as yesterday. The photo was taken in 1987 in the McDonald's parking lot in London, Ontario. We were picking up the boys after a visit in Buffalo with Grandma Joan and Bill. ...27 months since he went away, seems like forever, seems like a day...I sent out a few E mails this morning to begin my search of a person or agency who can computer age Chris' last school picture for me. If possible, I'd like to have it done by his Birthday..... Fran Kempa - Thursday, February 20, 2003 at 09:24:26 (MST) 2/19/03...The drawing we call KNIGHT. Chris did it in I believe Sophomore year (99, 00) while studying Romeo and Juliet. As with many, the detail is much more pronounced in person. The photo was taken in August, 1992 at the cottage. There was a half wall divider between the living room and a sun room which looked right out on Lake Huron. Chris is sitting on the divider. Connie's son's funeral was today. I didn't attend either the wake or funeral as planned but thought about her the WHOLE time. As a resutlt, all my thoughts of EXACTLY what she's going through jogged some memories of that time in my life which I had forgotten until yesterday. Tues. afternoon I went grocery shopping right after work. I was in the middle of the Kroger floral department when I had a sudden flood of memories...all relating back to purchasing Chris' funeral flowers. I stood there gripping my shopping cart as my mind took me back to our kitchen on 11/21/00....a flashback... Two of my friends were over. They are both very creative, one of them used to work at the florist we were about to go to. Through tears, I asked them if they thought we should get a blue arrangement for the "casket spray" to match the coffin, or a beautiful arrangement of Fall colors. They both said the Fall flowers and I was happy because that was the way I was leaning. That decided, my one friend suggested carnations because they last longer than most flowers...and because of the Thanksgiving "Holiday"...Chris'funeral was not until Saturday. I have never liked carnations...I don't know why. As soon as the suggestion was made I strongly said, "NO carnations!"...This was Chris, he deserved beautiful, exotic flowers..just like he was. Then my mind took me to Cardwell Florist. I could now see myself standing at the counter, wearing the same jacket I had worn to the ER just over 24 hrs. before and I was CRYING! That was the first thing I cried to the woman who helped us..."NO carnations!" She tried to explain to me, just as my friend had, why they'd be a good choice but I refused...even if we had to buy more half way through the process, I wanted more exotic, beautiful flowers. The woman then made me a promise. She told me that because the funeral home was so close to the florist, she would go by there every day, including Saturday morning...if any of the flowers were looking the least bit wilted, she would replace them. While I never saw her there, I know she kept her promise. The arrangement was beautiful and exotic just as I wanted and it never once looked like it wasn't holding up.... In a way I hope my thoughts of Connie trigger more memories...while the main experiences remain, most of the detail is a fog...but then in a way I hope they don't. Fran Kempa - Wednesday, February 19, 2003 at 12:15:08 (MST) I just wanted to add another family to the prayer list. The Kavalhuna family lost their son Michael this past Thursday after a fire in New York. He was an opera singer and a very nice guy. This is the second child they've lost, something I remember Fran mentioning would be utterly horrible to have happen. Their other son was killed 9 1/2 years ago I think in a car accident. They have one son left. They are such a nice family. Again, why God? Cathie Vyse <Wysetalk@aol.com> - Tuesday, February 18, 2003 at 17:04:01 (MST) Another damn trajic loss...I was so sorry to hear of yet another young person who died. You know Chris was right there welcoming him to Heaven....Fran, I am so sorry this is replaying the devastating hurt of that day for you..prayers out to you and the family of the young man who died. JoAnne <jgvpri@adelphia.net> - Tuesday, February 18, 2003 at 16:40:40 (MST) 2/18/03...Same John Lennon drawing from yesterday. The photo was taken in July, 1992...our first summer on Berwick. Both boys LOVED our new home. The windows barely showing above the front door are Chris' bedroom windows. He loved those windows. Inside his room the window sill is wide enough to sit on and Chris often did...it was his "window seat"....More than two years after he was killed, his room is STILL his room. I still can't bring myself to change that. I held it together pretty well at work but after I got home yesterday, the death of my co worker's son REALLY got to me...I cried A LOT! I cried for Connie, I cried for myself and our families...but mostly I cried for our boys....Another GOOD kid gone too soon. I found myself once again asking the unanswerable question, "WHY?" and trying to make sense of something that will never make sense. I considered going to the wake or funeral but quickly reconsidered...Adam agreed. Judging by the way I was reacting to the news alone, we were both VERY unsure how I'd react there and the last thing I'd want to do would be to cause a problem for her during this horrible time in her life...I really don't know her well and didn't know her son at all...just what I've been told about him. Another co worker, a good friend and neighbor of Connie saw me yesterday and the first thing she said when she found out I had heard the news was, "You're the perfect one to ask...what can I do for her??" I said most unfortunatly there is NOTHING you can do...nobody can. But the most important thing to do is just be there for her...be around. If she needs something she will ask. What I'd like Connie to know most of all ....even though she'd NEVER believe it at this point...is that she and her family WILL survive. FOREVER saddened, FOREVER changed...but they will survive.....And at this point in time, I'm not sure if you EVER stop surviving and start living again. Fran Kempa - Monday, February 17, 2003 at 22:47:13 (MST) Not good at all Fran. :( Prayers and thoughts to your co-worker, family and friends. I did hear about an accident this past weekend but was not familiar with the family name or the young man. MCS <mopcopsop@yahoo.com> - Monday, February 17, 2003 at 16:30:12 (MST) 2/17/03...The art is the John Lennon Chris did the summer before he was killed. The photo was taken in Oct. 1998 at the I HOP before the Homecoming dance. I found out this morning one of my co worker's son's was killed Sat. night in a car accident..He was 21 and the sweetest most gentle boy...not good! Fran Kempa - Monday, February 17, 2003 at 13:50:04 (MST) 2/16/03...The art is the same whimsical self portrait Chris drew in August 2000 as part of an assignment for Ms. Hillman's Radio and TV class....which he loved! The photo was taken in June 1986. Chris and Colin. Last night we had our first Trivial Pursuit party. I hope we'll have many more. It was fun. We played men against the women...and the women won! Toward the end, Adam and Sarah joined in and played..I know if Chris was still with us he would have been involved too. He always enjoyed games like that. I KNOW he would have enjoyed the dinner...he loved my lasagna. Last night was only the second time I made it since he was killed. It may sound silly but cooking certain meals is still hard. Fran Kempa - Sunday, February 16, 2003 at 12:27:03 (MST) KEEP OFF OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO G.MEN MUGU - Saturday, February 15, 2003 at 09:43:49 (MST) And the point being??????? hereisthenews - Sunday, February 16, 2003 at 09:41:24 (MST) He drew that self portrait in August 2000! Fran Kempa - Saturday, February 15, 2003 at 10:40:15 (MST) 2/15/03...The art is the whimsical self portrait Chris drew in I believe August, 1999. He drew it on the back of the school paper he'd written... why he wanted to take Ms. Hillman's Radio and TV class. The photo was taken in August 1994. Adam and Chris at the cottage. Chris made his presence known in a BIG way last night! I told Adam I HOPE he's letting a few other people know he's still around in much the same manner! Fran Kempa - Saturday, February 15, 2003 at 10:36:52 (MST) KEEP OFF OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO G.MEN MUGU <nature@mugu.com> - Saturday, February 15, 2003 at 09:43:49 (MST) I wish I could have been his Valentine today. I sill miss you Chris! V. M. - Friday, February 14, 2003 at 13:41:05 (MST) 2/14/03...The art is the same small, red heart Chris drew sometime ago...perfect for Valentines Day! The photo was taken in June, 1995... The end of fifth grade at Grant school. Chris was just a few days shy of 11 yrs old. I took the picture, I loved that outfit. As you can see, after the picture was developed, Chris altered his appearance. I'm not sure why. I don't know if he did it just for fun or if he really didn't like the way the picture came out.....I can't help but wonder what Chris would be doing today, Valentines day at 18! Fran Kempa - Friday, February 14, 2003 at 11:38:43 (MST) 2/13/03...The art is a simple red heart Chris drew once upon his lifetime. I have no memory of where we even photographed it from. I have a feeling because it's so small, it was drawn on one of his school papers. The photo was taken on July 25, 1994. That's cousin Joan, my sister Kathy's youngest on the left, Aunt Molly, my youngest sibling in the middle, and Chris...my youngest, on the right. It was taken during my father's 70th Birthday party in Buffalo. When our kids were little, it seemed all the cousins saw each other rather regularly despite the miles, at least once a year. As all of our kids grew and developed their own interests and lives, the coordinated visits to Buffalo became less and less. Joan and Kelly were busy with sports and horses in North Carolina, Chris and Adam were busy with art and music in Michigan and Billy was very busy with sports in New York. I will never forget the attraction Chris had for Joan. As I recall, it was sometime during the summer of 1987, Chris was 3 and Joan was 4. We all spent about a week in Buffalo and by the time we left....Chris was in love! He thought Joan was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen...he was CONVINCED he was going to marry her and he often told me. "I'm going to marry Joan Mom." As they grew and sadly, grew apart, Chris had been out and about in the world and had changed his views on marrying his cousin. When this picture was taken they hadn't seen each other for a few years. What is even more sad, I don't think they ever saw each other between 1994 and 2000. They were "reunited" so to speak during the weekend of my parent's 50th anniversary party in August, 2000. Chris and Joan had definatly rebonded that weekend and were E mailing each other regularly until he was killed...SO many lives were impacted in those few seconds on that horrible morning...11/20/00. Fran Kempa - Thursday, February 13, 2003 at 16:44:45 (MST) When I opened today's page, and quickly glanced at the photo of Chris, my mind said...that sure looks like Bradley, my 5 year old grandson...and Christopher's second cousin.....wow a strong resemblance...Bradley also reminds of in personality of Chris.He's another.."Out of the box" kind of kid! Bradley loves to hear about Chris and loves to wear the "too big" Chris t-shirt. Kathy - Thursday, February 13, 2003 at 07:27:19 (MST) Mr. K ~ When the truth comes out, Everyone will be listening! MCS <mopcopsop@yahoo.com> - Thursday, February 13, 2003 at 03:14:38 (MST) Mrs. Kempa, If this web page is any example of your story telling ability, your Grandchildren will be captivated! Mary Saia <Westland> - Wednesday, February 12, 2003 at 22:13:33 (MST) 2/12/03....The "art" is the same Compassionate Friends Christmas tree ornament as yesterday. The photo was taken in 1989...Chris was five, in his big brother's bedroom. I was telling Adam last night how strange I felt yesterday when I thought about Teddy and Chris...They were both 16, both very popular and talented, we have pictures of Chris at school, with the family dog...also a cocker spaniel, pictures of Chris standing on the rocks at the beach....and what hit me like a ton of bricks and was quite eerie...at the end, Chris' head was wrapped like a mummy.... While we have no actual pictures of this, we all have that picture forever etched in our minds....There is one more thing Teddy and this tragic event have in common... Fran Kempa - Wednesday, February 12, 2003 at 15:30:58 (MST) missed scott a - Tuesday, February 11, 2003 at 22:59:03 (MST) 2/11/03...The "art" is our THIRD ornament from the Compassionate Friends Christmas tree in Kellog Park in Plymouth. The small print under the name reads,..."that their light may always shine" Some people wondered what the ornaments looked like. I hope this is the only place you ever have to see one. The photo was taken in Nov. 1984. They loved each other so much! In my never ending quest to make myself feel "better" some thoughts came into my mind recently that never had before. I don't know why. I remembered my friend, neighbor and classmate Linda who lost her brother in a car accident when he was 18 and we were 16...32 years ago. He would be turning 50 this year! I didn't know her brother at all and barely knew her parents. Her Mom was an artist, her Dad smoked a pipe....that's all I remember. I just remember going to her brother's funeral Mass and CRYING. Until Chris', that was the saddest funeral I'd ever been to. I thought maybe I'd call Linda's Mom and ask her...after 32 years...does it ever get better?? I even went so far as to call long distance information. Not only do Linda's parents still live in the same house after all these years, they still have the same phone #! It was so strange, as the # was told to me I remembered calling it so often so many years ago! I haven't called Jane yet..part of me doesn't want to upset her, she is elderly now....and truth be known, I think I'm afraid of her answer! I've also been thinking recently about my Grandmother who lost a son at 16 as the result of a brain tumor. I remembered that of course but until recently had forgotten about the stories...My sister Kathy commented in a recent phone call, "Don't you remember how Grandma ALWAYS talked about Teddy?"...And the memories came flooding back...and she had pictures! Pictures of Teddy in school, pictures of Teddy with the family dog Topsy, of Teddy at the beach house in Canada...standing on the rocks in his knickers! And as his disease progressed, pictures of Teddy with his head wrapped like a mummy. What I remember most now is how she never cried when she told us about him...her face always lit up! Just about every time we saw her, which was often, we always asked, "Tell us about Teddy Grandma!"...She never got tired of telling the stories and we never grew tired of listening! I hope someday in the future I'll hear, "Tell us about Chris Grandma!" I'll have many pictures and works of art to show....I'll never get tired of telling the stories...without a tear in my eye but a smile on my face... and I hope they never get tired of listening! Fran Kempa - Tuesday, February 11, 2003 at 15:52:58 (MST) "I want to make sure his Mom knows why he's in the morgue and not in art school....and exactly who put him there." Crossing Jordan <2/10/03> - Monday, February 10, 2003 at 22:08:38 (MST) 2/10/03...The "art" is the same "red M for Mom" as yesterday. The photo was taken in Oct. 1984. On the back I labeled it "the night the Tigers took the Series!" I remember that night so vividly aa I do so many. After we took this picture, Adam and Adam went out driving around, honking the horn with all the other happy fans...Chris and I stayed home and I put him to bed. The next morning on the front page of the paper was that famous picture of Kirk Gibson. So sorry I wasn't out driving this afternoon. If I had been I would have definatly been listening to Deminsky and Doyle and for the first time most likely would have called in. I could have told them a lot about roadside Memorials. Fran Kempa - Monday, February 10, 2003 at 16:19:14 (MST) Chris' memorial was mentioned today on the Deminski and Doyle show on 97.1 FM today. They were talking about roadside memorials, so I emailed them and told them about this site. Hopefully they will mention it on the air. Joe.Cwik - Monday, February 10, 2003 at 14:43:45 (MST) Miss you Chris, as always. Dad <<<<<<>>>>>> - Sunday, February 09, 2003 at 23:38:55 (MST) 2/9/03...The art is a gift Chris made for me in 7th grade shop class. It was my 1997 Mother's day present from him. When he gave it to me...unwrapped, just handed it to me he said, "It's a red M...for Mom." I was very touched and displayed it in a very prominent place. It remained there for the few more years he was alive, and is still there today. The photo is the last of my finds from the Grandma Kempa box. It was taken in Dec. 1984...like so many, I have pictures taken at the same time but different poses...This one is my favorite but I hadn't seen it for about 18 years. In the photo Chris was 6 mos. old and Adam was about to turn 5. On my way home from work today I stopped by the Cemetary. All the grave blankets are still in place. As I drove out I tried to recall how we chose that Cemetary....Some people have even asked me why Chris isn't buried in a "CATHOLIC" Cemetary...as far as I'm concerned once you're buried it hardly matters...and I doubt anybody's entry into Heaven depends upon where their body is buried. As I recall through my fog, when we went to the Funeral Home in the late afternoon 11/20/00 to make arrangements, I seem to recall the funeral director telling us we had our choice of two Cemetaries, Parkview and another. At the time, religion didn't even enter my mind,....I simply asked, "Which one is closer?" and that's what I based my decision on. It is a beautiful Cemetary. Mr. Sussala the teacher from Franklin killed last week will also be burid there. Fran Kempa - Sunday, February 09, 2003 at 14:49:18 (MST) I have not turned my back on you, So there's no need to cry. I am watching you from heaven, Just beyond the morning sky. I've seen you almost fall apart, When you can barely stand, I asked the Lord to comfort you, And watched Him take your hand. He told me you are in more pain, Than I could ever be, He wiped His eyes and swallowed hard, Then gave your hand to me. Although you may not feel my touch, Or see me by your side, I've whispered that I love you, While I've wiped each tear you cried. So please don't ever ache for me, We'll meet again one day, Beyond the dark and stormy sky, As rainbows light the way. To My Mom <Author Unknown> - Saturday, February 08, 2003 at 18:14:16 (MST) 2/8/03...Had the art shown up it would have been the same last recently discovered pastel from 5/99. The photo was taken in 1986 in London Ontario at the McDonalds on Wellington Rd., just off the 401. That was our half way meeting point between Buffalo and Detroit. If I recall correctly, my parents had had the boys for a week and we were picking them up this trip. This was Chris' first time on one of these characters and I was a bit nervous...you can see my hand in the lower left corner waiting to catch him if he fell. So sorry to hear about another Franklin tragedy. Neither Adam W. or I knew him. EVERY year another Franklin student or teacher is taken! Fran Kempa - Saturday, February 08, 2003 at 14:34:51 (MST) i cant beleive hes gone!!!!!!!! kevin mcshane <skinny1616@yahoo.com> - Saturday, February 08, 2003 at 12:39:37 (MST) its hard for me to say what i got to say because it herts...i knew chris in 11th grade i was in raido and tv with him, i didnt get the chance to know him like his clostest friends but the time i did get to know him, he made me laugh, he was a very warm hearted person, no matter what he did he would make you laugh he was the kind of person that you wanted as a friend...i rember a play we where gonna do called "who killed chris kempa" (chris masters was in are group) i chicked out on the day we where gonna do the are play i stayed at home i think that was the day i herd the sad news....and when i herd it and realised who is was i felt empty like something was riped out of me i didnt want to believe it....i still have a picture he drew in my notebook to me its like a priceless painting it means a lot to me...i dont know how it feels like to loose a child but i know its something that is every parents worst nightmare and i cant ever equal up to how you guys felt that day but i will tell you this enenthough i didnt know him that well i felt like another person close to me was gone i had another friend die one me that year it was jenny she died the first day fo her 10th grade year...it just goes to show ya that you dont have to be really close to somone to love them and miss them!!!! S.H <In_shad0ws_Growing_Wings@hotmail.com> - Saturday, February 08, 2003 at 12:27:19 (MST) Yet another sad day. Another Franklin loss. Prayers and thoughts to the family, friends and students of Mr. Susalla. I know you are there for him Chris. MCS <mopcopsop@yahoo.com> - Saturday, February 08, 2003 at 05:26:27 (MST) Miss you always Chris ... Dad <<<<<<>>>>>> - Friday, February 07, 2003 at 23:18:54 (MST) 2/7/03...The art is the last newly found pastel example. As you can see in the lower right corner, this one is signed and dated too..."Chris K